


A Night Of Hell

by coldphoenix



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Multi, Original Character(s), Sexual Content, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9319766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldphoenix/pseuds/coldphoenix
Summary: Bulma's throwing a party at Capsule Corps, but it's on the same night that the inhabitants of hell are granted one day of life, and they all seem to want to join in the fun! From Frieza and Zarbon breaking up to Piccolo being reunited with his evil father, just about everything weird and wonderful happens in this single night of hell!





	1. Guy Friends

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is pretty much my way of putting together a bunch of character interaction sketches I either wrote or thought of over the years… Some are better than others, but I hope you find all of them amusing! Please R&R!  
> N.B. Some of the humour contains adult themes that not everybody will find pleasant, so please do not read if you are offended by adult references or content.

It was early evening in the middle of summer, and the residents of Capsule Corps were getting ready to throw a summer party when there was a knock at the door, thirty minutes before the guests were due to arrive.  
“Vegeta!” Bulma called from her bedroom. “Can you get the door? I’m still putting my makeup on!”  
“What am, I your goddamn slave?” Vegeta yelled back. “Trunks! Get the door!” He drank his beer angrily; he was already not looking forward to the evening and he became even more enraged at the fact that the guests were arriving early. “Fucking party… Who the hell turns up thirty minutes early?” Vegeta muttered to himself. “Jackass.”

Suddenly the eight-year-old Trunks appeared before him.  
“Dad, it’s Frieza.” Trunks stated.  
“Yeah whatever, stop joking around.” Vegeta growled. “Who is it?”  
“Frieza.” Trunks repeated.  
“Trunks!” Vegeta barked, glaring angrily at his son. “Stop joking around and answer me!”  
“It’s Frieza!” Trunks yelled.

Just as he said it Frieza appeared behind Trunks.  
“Hi.” He uttered. “Nice kid.”  
“Wha – what the hell are you doing here!” Vegeta gagged, wide-eyed. “Get out of my house!”  
“Vegeta, that’s no way to greet your guest.” Frieza scolded. “Calm down, I’m not here to cause trouble. I got a day pass into the living world and I heard there was a party here. I just want to spend my one day alive getting drunk and taking advantage of vulnerable young slaves.”  
“A day pass?” Vegeta frowned. “You mean Hell just hand those things out!”  
“No of course not, that would be irresponsible.” Frieza replied. “You have to promise not to kill anyone.”  
“Right. Because people in **hell** are trustworthy?” Vegeta snarled. Frieza shrugged.  
“I didn’t make the rules.” He said. “Anyway I thought things would be awkward with our history and everything, so I brought some of your old friends along to take the tension off me and you.”  
“Huh?” Vegeta looked up to see Nappa and Raditz stood behind Frieza.  
“Hi Vegeta.” Nappa uttered through gritted teeth, clenching his giant fist.  
“Uh… hi.” Vegeta sweat dropped. 

At that moment Bulma emerged from the bedroom and joined the group.  
“Hey, who was it? The party doesn’t start for –” She stopped in mid-sentence and stared at Frieza. “Uh… is that…”

Frieza knelt down in front of Bulma and gently took hold of her hand, kissing it politely.  
“My Dear, I don’t think we had the pleasure on Namek…” He smoothly spoke.  
“Right… you were too busy killing my friends at the time.” Bulma sniped.  
“¬_¬ And you were too busy eyeing up my right hand man, we all have history.” Frieza growled.  
“Whatever.” Bulma huffed. “What the hell are you doing here? This party is invite only!”  
“I understand,” Frieza nodded. “But I only have one day of life and I thought I would spend it with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”  
“Oh… really?” Bulma replied, blushing slightly.  
“Huh! What!” Vegeta gasped, staring at her in shock.  
“Of course if you want me to leave then I will…” Frieza said. “But I would like to point out that I have a five trillion zeni empire and as many planets as I could desire, but alas I’ve spent my existence alone…”  
“What the hell are you talking about?” Vegeta snarled. “What about your kid’s mother –” He was suddenly cut off by Frieza’s tail around his throat. 

Frieza continued to kneel at Bulma’s feet as he hung his head and closed his eyes, speaking humbly.  
“If someone could find it in their heart to take pity on a poor orphaned boy who lost his father many years ago and his way long before that… then maybe my existence wouldn’t be wasted.”  
“Oh, you have got to be **kidding** me –” Vegeta was once again cut off as Frieza tightened his grip on the saiyan’s throat. 

Bulma stared at Frieza with shimmering eyes, touched by the sincerity of his words.  
“You poor thing…” She uttered softly and pulled Frieza to his feet. “Would you like a glass of wine?”  
“Yeah please, the bottle will do.” Frieza answered bluntly. “Is it this way to the kitchen?” He casually walked past her, and Bulma followed. 

Meanwhile Vegeta stood there in awe, completely immobilised by what he had just seen.  
“I… can’t believe it…” He choked.  
“Yeah, she already fell for that pity me crap with you and look where that got her.” Raditz snorted.  
“What?” Vegeta snarled. “She ended up being the mother of a super saiyan, that’s a pretty big achievement.”  
“… Shut the hell up, Vegeta.” Raditz growled.  
“Yeah, nobody likes you Vegeta!” Nappa yelled. “And me and you got a score to settle!” He pounded his fist into his open palm, and clenched it tightly, itching to battle.  
“Huh.” Vegeta looked at Nappa and Raditz, completely unfazed by their aggression. “Okay so here’s how we’re going to play this – you two morons are going to try to kill me, and then it’ll become apparent that you weren’t even strong enough to do that when you were alive, and I’ve got a couple more decades of training behind me now so it’s even more pointless, and somewhere around that point of realisation I’m going to send you back to hell. Sound good?”  
“Haha, nice try Vegeta!” Nappa smirked. “We got passes to last the whole day! Every time you kill us we’re just going to come right on back.”  
“… Huh. Okay so I guess you’ll spend your **one** day alive being repeatedly killed by me.” Vegeta said, causing Nappa and Raditz to go quiet for a moment.  
“… Nappa that sounds pretty lame.” Raditz uttered.  
“Yeah it does…” Nappa mumbled. “Hey Vegeta, how about we just forget about it and have a few beers like old times?”  
“Yeah sounds good.” Vegeta sighed. “I got a good reason to drink, my wife’s gonna leave me for Frieza at some point tonight.”

Raditz leaned in to put a supportive arm around Vegeta, squeezing the prince against him.  
“Ah fuck her, there’s plenty more where she came from!” He exclaimed. “Lead us to the beers?”  
“Hey you got any low fat ones? I’m on a diet.” Nappa said.  
“Huh…” Vegeta looked at him. “You know I thought you looked different… You’ve really lost some weight there, Nappa.”  
“Thanks Vegeta!” Nappa grinned. “And you’re looking a lot more muscular than you used to!”  
“Thanks!” Vegeta grinned back.  
“Yeah yeah, this party isn’t an orgy is it? Beers!” Raditz growled impatiently.  
“Shut up Raditz. Just because nobody says anything nice about you.” Vegeta snapped.  
“Yeah.” Nappa grunted. “Jackass.”

The three of them travelled into the kitchen, where Vegeta started talking to his wife.  
“Bulma be a doll and get a couple of beers for my guy friends. These two are my guy friends. I have guy friends now. Guy friends. Guy friends!”  
“Oh Vegeta get them yourself!” Bulma pouted. “Anyway what are you talking about? All of your friends are guys.”  
“No, they’re all _your_ friends that just happen to hang out with me.” Vegeta argued. “These are my friends now. Real saiyan friends that can talk to me about saiyan stuff and what it’s like to be a saiyan guy.” Bulma rolled her eyes.  
“Whatever Vegeta, I’m happy for you.” She said dismissively, and turned back to Frieza. “Anyway so after I had Trunks I tried the Atkins diet but you know what? When it comes to losing weight fast you just have to go with good old fashioned throwing up.”  
“Oh yeah I totally agree. “Frieza nodded. “The only thing is with throwing up, you have to be careful it doesn’t harm your teeth.”  
“Oh no that’s cool – my family is one of the richest on the planet so I get the best dental care in the world.” Bulma smiled.  
“Oh, well then you’re all set!” Frieza grinned. “Tell me – who does your hair?”  
“I’ll tell you if you tell me who does your nails?” Bulma winked.  
“My nails? Well I have a guy to cut them for me but the colour isn’t paint, it’s natural.” Frieza answered.  
“Really?” Bulma gasped. “Your lips too?”  
“Mm-hm.” Frieza nodded.  
“But…” Bulma uttered. “They’re beautiful!”  
“Oh they’re nothing, you should see what’s behind them.” Frieza said with a smirk. He flicked his tongue and winked at her, causing Bulma to blush and giggle.

All of a sudden an enraged Vegeta launched himself between them.  
“ _ **I can’t decide which of you I’m going to kill first**_!” He roared, his power level rising as he glared at Bulma. “If you don’t stop this **right now** I swear I am going to blow this entire place up!”  
“Geez, is he always like this with you?” Frieza frowned.  
“Yes!” Bulma protested. “And he’s even worse when he loses a sparring match to Goku which is like, every day!”  
“Well… Vegeta always was aggressive, even as a child. You shouldn’t take it personally, it’s not you it’s him.” Frieza said sympathetically.  
“Oh my God… I _do_ take it personally, thank you for saying that!” Bulma gasped in amazement. “Wow, you’re so thoughtful! Vegeta always makes you out to be this awful tyrant that killed his family.”  
“Well in many ways I am… both metaphorically and physically.” Frieza sighed.  
“And it’s so brave that you can admit that.” Bulma smiled.

Vegeta was about to explode. He clenched his fists and powered up, his blood boiling with anger.  
“You –” He didn’t have time to speak another word before Nappa and Raditz grabbed him and pulled him away.  
“Easy Veg, it’s not worth it.” Nappa said, trying to calm the saiyan prince.  
“Yeah buddy just cool it, we’re here for you.” Raditz soothed, holding Vegeta’s shoulder firmly. “We’re your guy friends, remember?”  
“Yeah, yeah… guy friends.” Vegeta nodded. “Thanks guys. Guy friends…”

Bulma looked at Frieza with a smile.  
“It’s nice to see him get along with people.” She said.  
“Yeah, adorable.” Frieza replied, smiling sweetly as he thought silently to himself, _“I’m so going to rape you later.”_  
Suddenly there was another knock at the door, and Bulma called out to her son.  
“Oh – Trunks, can you get that?”

To be continued…


	2. Raditz's Mom

“Hey the Sons are here.” Trunks announced as he re-entered the kitchen, followed by Goku and his family. He looked at Goten. “You wanna go spar in my dad’s gravity chamber?” Trunks asked.  
“Totally!” Goten grinned and the two boys ran off together.  
“Chichi! Hi!” Bulma beamed as she made her way over to the younger woman and the two of them started talking.  
“Hey Kakarot!”

Goku raised his head to see a drunken Raditz staggering towards him, laughing as he put a firm arm around Goku.  
“Raditz!” Goku cried, breaking away from his brother’s grasp. “What are you doing here!”  
“It’s cool Kakarot, Nappa and Raditz are my guy friends now.” Vegeta explained. “Guy friends…”  
“Yeah…” Raditz took a swig of his beer and leaned into Goku. “Kakarot listen buddy I gotta apologise, we didn’t do much brother stuff last time I saw you… Y’know, because we were busy killing each other and everything.”  
“Yeah I remember.” Goku growled.  
“Yeah, course you do Einstein!” Raditz exclaimed and drank his beer. “So anyway I figure we can do brother stuff now – how about I take you out and teach you how to pick up girls?”  
“Pick up girls?” Goku stared at him. “But… Raditz, I’m married. I have two kids – you stole one of them!”  
“Huh?” Raditz blinked. “… Oh yeah, I guess I forgot about that. Okay well I can teach you to do other stuff – you ever taken drugs?”  
“No?” Goku answered.  
“Well that’s a shame because I don’t have any drugs.” Raditz said in disappointment. “How about we have a few beers and I’ll teach you how to vomit into the side of a building, and then I’ll strip you down to your underwear and tie you to a lamppost?”  
“That sounds horrible, Raditz!” Goku cried.  
“Hey Raditz no offence but your brother is an even bigger douchebag than your father.” Nappa remarked.  
“Ah come on my dad wasn’t so bad!” Raditz replied. “He just looked bad in comparison to my mom because she was such a good woman.”  
“Yeah that’s true your mom was a real nice lady…” Nappa nodded. “In more ways than one!” He turned to Vegeta. “Hey Vegeta! Raditz’s mom!”  
“Haha, alright! I never met her, is she hot?” Vegeta said with a smirk.  
“Only like the sun! Raditz’s mom!” Nappa grinned.  
“Haha, alright! Raditz’s mom!” Vegeta sniggered.  
“Hey guys shut the hell up, that’s not cool…” Raditz mumbled.

Meanwhile Frieza was listening to their conversation, and tutted.  
“Tch. Whatever. It was his father that was the heartbreaker.” He commented.  
“Hm?” Bulma uttered, re-joining him. “Goku’s father? Was he attractive?”  
“Was he!” Frieza exclaimed. “Imagine if Son Goku and Solid Snake had a lovechild, that’s what Goku’s father looked like.”  
“Oh my God…” Bulma gasped, staring at Frieza in disbelief. “Why did you ever kill him?” Frieza shrugged.  
“Well back then I wasn’t as comfortable with my sexuality as I am now, I guess I didn’t want people knowing that I thought he was hot. I’m okay now though.”  
“That’s good, denial is a state you do _not_ want to be in.” Bulma said. “I used to spend hours telling myself there just had to be a better looking girl than me somewhere in the universe, but in the end I just came to terms with the fact that I am the most beautiful! And look at me now – I’m married to a super saiyan!”  
“Yeah.” Frieza said with a smile. “… … … Not the main character though, is he?”  
“Hey what the hell do you know, Lizard Lips!” Bulma roared.  
“Touched a nerve?” Frieza smirked.

Raditz couldn’t help but overhear their conversation and turned to Frieza.  
“Hey so Frieza, just so I get this straight – are you admitting that you’re gay?” He asked.  
“Finally!” Vegeta sighed. “You know we _all_ knew what was going on between you and Zarbon.”  
“Yeah it was kind of hard for you guys to deny it after Vegeta walked in on you that one time.” Nappa stated. “Poor kid, he was only six years old and it traumatised him so much he blocked it from his memory.” Vegeta frowned in confusion.  
“What? I don’t remember - - O.O _**Oh my God**_!”

Frieza let out a frustrated sigh.  
“I’m not gay you morons, I’m bisexual.” He growled. “Men, women… I wouldn’t even turn my nose up at the occasional animal or two – the only thing I’m really not interested in is children. Which I suppose is ironic, seeing as I stole one.”  
“Yeah thanks Frieza, it’s good to know that while you felt comfortable enough to kill my father, blow up my planet and hit on my wife, you still had no sexual interest in me whatsoever.” Vegeta snarled.  
“You’re not bitter about that are you?” Frieza questioned.  
“What! Of course not!” Vegeta choked. “That’s not what I meant!”  
“Pity. You’re all grown up now.” Frieza said with a devilish smirk, causing Vegeta to turn green.

At that moment Goku approached the group looking a little dazed and struggling to stand.  
“Hey Bulma… can I have some water? Raditz made me drink five beers in one and now I don’t… I don’t feel… Huh?” He blinked and settled his eyes on Frieza, suddenly snapping to his senses. “Whoa! Bulma, get away from him!” Goku cried and grabbed Bulma’s arm, desperately pulling her away from Frieza.  
“Hey!” Bulma snapped, yanking her arm back. “Goku, calm down! He’s not going to do anything.”  
“Bulma, you don’t know who you’re dealing with!” Goku protested. “I know he has amazing lips and all but he can’t be trusted!”  
“Amazing what?” Vegeta blinked, his eyes widening.  
“Oh come on, we’re just talking.” Bulma scolded.  
“Seriously? Is nobody going to acknowledge…?” Vegeta uttered.  
“It’s fine!” Bulma insisted to Goku. “Besides, your power level is way higher than Frieza’s now, right? So he couldn’t do anything even if he wanted to.  
“That’s right.” Frieza nodded. “I hate to admit it Goku, but I’m pretty much at your mercy here.” Vegeta let out a sigh.  
“Alright fine… We’ll just all pretend like we didn’t hear anything.”  
“I only have one day alive and I don’t want to spend it getting killed by you.” Frieza continued. “I just want to have a good time.”  
“Well… Okay. I guess your power level isn’t that threatening anymore…” Goku looked at Frieza. “So – you promise nothing’s gonna happen between us?” Frieza smirked.  
“Well that depends on how drunk we get. I do want to have a good time.” He answered, and winked at Goku. Goku looked at him cautiously.  
“Uh… I… I don’t really understand what you’re –”  
“ _ **Lord Frieza**_!”

An angry voice cascaded across the room and everyone looked up to see Zarbon standing in the doorway, arms folded and looking infuriated. Zarbon stormed over to Frieza, his face filled with rage.  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to a party tonight!” He demanded.  
“Hmph, I wonder why Zarbon?” Frieza snarled. “I’ve had to look at your miserable face every single day for the past ten years, why in the world would I **ever** try to have a break from that by going somewhere and not telling you?”  
“But – it’s our anniversary!” Zarbon whined. Frieza simply smirked and spoke callously,  
“Sorry Dear, but we’ve had one too many. I guess you can grow bored of beauty.”  
“So this is what you’ve left me for?” Zarbon spat at Goku and Bulma. “The filthy monkey that killed you and a blue-haired tart?” He glared at Bulma. “You know, no offence Sweetheart but if you want to be Lord Frieza’s faghag you have to actually be good-looking?”  
“Oh yeah!” Bulma snapped. “Well I always thought you had to be beautiful to date him but I guess I was wrong – we’ve all seen your second form!”

Zarbon let out a loud gasp.  
“Lord Frieza! She called me ugly!” He wailed.  
“Well your second form **is** ugly Zarbon, I almost broke up with you when I first saw it.” Frieza replied.  
“How… How can you say that?” Zarbon whimpered, his eyes glistening.  
“Like this: **your second form is hideous**!” Frieza roared. “And I’m bored of your first form, so if you will insist on staying make yourself useful and get my new friends and I a drink!”  
“Y… Yes Lord Frieza.” Zarbon answered with teary eyes. He turned to walk away when there was another knock at the door.  
“Oh, I’ll get it –” Bulma started to stand up when Frieza moved his tail out to block her path.  
“Don’t worry about it, Dear. I’ll take care of it.” Frieza smiled. “ **Zarbon**! Get the door!”  
“Yes Lord Frieza!” Zarbon nodded and made his way towards the door, silently thinking to himself, _“I am going to **kill** you!”_


	3. Pillow Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is only a small chapter; originally it was going to be longer but it was getting a little too long so I decided to split it into this chapter and the next, I thought maybe it would be better to have two smaller chapters than one big one. Anyway, enjoy! And please R&R!

After just being dumped and insulted by Lord Frieza an infuriated Zarbon opened the door to Capsule Corps to reveal Cell standing there.  
“Oh – Zarbon! I didn’t expect to see you here.” Cell gasped in surprise.  
“Yeah well I almost wasn’t.” Zarbon growled. “Can you believe Lord Frieza didn’t invite me? _Me_! On our anniversary!” He let out an angry sigh. “So how did you find out about this party anyway?”  
“Oh, Frieza invited me.” Cell stated and walked past Zarbon into the building.  
“ _ **What**_!”

Back in the kitchen Frieza was now sat on his own, drinking wine straight from the bottle.  
“Fucking Zarbon.” He muttered angrily to himself. “Can this night get any worse?” At that moment Cell approached Frieza, followed by a still enraged Zarbon.  
“Hi Frieza.” Cell greeted him.  
“Oh! Cell! Finally, a perfect sight!” Frieza exclaimed and kissed Cell on the cheek as the taller being put his arm around Frieza.  
“What – what the hell!” Zarbon shrieked, staring at the pair. “You two are…?”  
“Yeah.” Cell nodded.  
“And?” Frieza shrugged.  
“ _ **And**_! Hmph!” Zarbon looked at Cell and spoke in a spiteful tone. “Well Cell it looks like he’s played both of us! You know Frieza’s been seeing me as well?” He smirked smugly. “Sorry to break it too you, Darling, but we’ve been an item for years.”  
“Yeah I know.” Cell replied.  
“What?” Zarbon blinked.  
“Frieza only started dating me because he was sick of your whining.” Cell said with a smirk. “You know most of our pillow talk is about how much he wants to break up with you but can’t be bothered with the drama.”  
“Wha – I – I – _Lord Frieza_!” Zarbon burst into tears. “After everything I’ve done for you…”

Frieza let out a sigh.  
“See? This is precisely what I could not be bothered dealing with. Thanks a lot, Cell!” He downed the bottle of wine and sighed again before looking at Zarbon. “… … Fine.” He approached Zarbon and put an arm around him, pulling the man close against him. “There there Dear, don’t cry.” Frieza soothed. “We had a good run, but all good things must come to an end. Look at Planet Vegeta – imagine how devastating it would have been for everyone if there was anything good about that planet.”  
“Oh you’re a fucking jackass.” Vegeta growled, overhearing the conversation. Zarbon sniffed and wiped his eyes.  
“Well… I suppose I am still young and beautiful enough to find another…” He mumbled. Frieza smiled.  
“Yes, that’s it…” He nodded. “Although everybody in the universe knows better than to go near _my_ sloppy seconds.”  
“What do you mean?” Zarbon asked.  
“Well would you wear a motorcycle helmet after it’s already been in an accident and completely served its purpose?” Frieza answered bluntly. “Good luck finding somebody who will take you on.”  
“You – you _**bastard**_!” Zarbon cried and bitchslapped Frieza, causing the icejin to flinch. “That’s it!” Zarbon wailed. “You and me are **finished** and I **never** want to see you again!”  
“Fine by me.” Frieza snarled.  
“Hmph!” Zarbon folded his arms and turned up his nose, then stormed out of the room.  
“Well, now that that’s over with.” Frieza smirked and wrapped his tail around Cell’s ankle, staring up at Cell. “So what took you so long?”  
“Well I –”  
“Frieza!” Cell was cut off by Bulma’s voice cascading across the room. She made her way over to Frieza, glaring at him angrily. “I just caught Zarbon _crying_ in the bathroom, I can’t believe you could be so horrible to him!”  
“And yet you totally don’t care that I orphaned your husband and destroyed his planet?” Frieza remarked.  
“ _Thank you_!” Vegeta protested and glared at Bulma. “See! What you’re doing isn’t normal!” He yelled.  
“Uh, excuse me?” Bulma frowned, looking at Vegeta as if he were an idiot. “This is a _relationship_ we’re talking about – and a yaoi relationship at that, it’s a completely different thing! We can all blow up a planet.”  
“Actually Bulma no, I’m pretty sure you couldn’t.” Vegeta snarled.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you.” Frieza said, looking at Bulma warmly.  
“Won’t that take a long time?” Bulma questioned.  
“Maybe, but I don’t mind.” Frieza said with a smile. Bulma smiled back.  
“Aww…” She uttered, her eyes shimmering.  
“ _ **What the hell**_!” Vegeta screamed.

At that moment there was another knock at the door. “ _ **I’ll**_ get that!” Vegeta roared. “Who the hell is it gonna be now, King Kold? Hey Bulma why don’t you go on a daytrip with the whole lizard family? Take Trunks with you, it’ll be fun!”  
“Hm… I really hope this isn’t my father…” Frieza mumbled. “He doesn’t know I like guys, he’s the _one_ person I don’t want to tell in case he cuts me out of his will.” He looked at Cell. “If he asks just say you’re my brother.”  
“What? But he’s your father, won’t he know we aren’t related?” Cell frowned.  
“No he won’t, he’s _really_ stupid.” Frieza replied.

Vegeta made his way over to the door, preparing to murder whoever happened to be waiting for him on the other side.


	4. Vegeta's Mom

Vegeta was heading out of the room to answer the door when he was blocked by Krillin, who was accompanied by his family and a very bored looking Piccolo.  
“Hey Vegeta.” Krillin greeted him. “I decided to just let myself in, I hope that’s cool. Kill me if you want, everybody else seems to do that.”  
“Yeah I might just take you up on that offer myself Krillin.” Piccolo stated. “I don’t know why I’m even here, I don’t like any of these people. I need a drink…” He walked past Vegeta and went to get himself a beer.

Back over by Frieza, Cell and Bulma, Frieza noticed Krillin.  
“Oh, what?” He groaned. “You’re all still friends with _that guy_?”  
“Yeah I keep trying to cut him out but you can’t be friends with Goku without being friends with Krillin. He’s like a barnacle on a whale.” Bulma explained, causing Frieza and Cell to burst out laughing.  
“Hey, that’s a great analogy!” Cell grinned. “Who is this girl Frieza? Let’s take her back to hell with us!”  
“She’s Vegeta’s wife, and that’s what I plan to do.” Frieza replied.  
“What? Hey, you never asked me that!” Bulma frowned. “What if I don’t want to come to hell with you?”  
“What makes you think I would ask?” Frieza said, his blood-coloured eyes flickering darkly. Bulma blushed and looked away.  
“Oh, I’m such a sucker for bad boys…” She giggled. Frieza smirked.  
“I thought as much. You know I once killed a king just because he defied me – and I did it with one strike.”  
“Oh wow that’s so badass…” Bulma gasped.  
“Badass!” Vegeta screamed from a few feet away. “Bulma, he’s talking about my father!”  
“What?” Bulma looked at Frieza. “Were you?”  
“Everybody is somebody’s father.” Frieza shrugged.  
“… Yeah I guess you’re right. Not smoke without fire, right?” Bulma replied.  
“Mm-hm.” Frieza nodded.  
“ _ **Oh my God**_!” Vegeta shrieked somewhere in the background.

Meanwhile Krillin looked at Vegeta.  
“Uh… by the way… Somebody followed us in, I think you might know him.” He said.  
“Oh great.” Vegeta growled. “Somebody else after my wife?”  
“Well I wouldn’t say that, but he probably does want to meet her.” Krillin replied. At that moment King Vegeta appeared behind him, looking in confusion at his surroundings.  
“F-Father!” Vegeta choked, his eyes growing wide as he stared at the king of saiyans.  
“Oh great, where the fuck am I now? **Dammit**!” King Vegeta snarled, ignoring his son.  
“Father! Is that – really you?” Vegeta cried. King Vegeta waved a hand dismissively, scanning through the bodies in the room.  
“Yeah yeah son whatever, oh my God look how you’ve grown it’s like you’re the only kid in the world that’s ever done that.” He suddenly laid eyes on Frieza and grinned. “Hey it’s Frieza! Perfect!” 

Vegeta watched in confusion as his father raced towards Frieza. “Frieza – you gotta help me! You have to kill me again!” King Vegeta desperately exclaimed.  
“What!” Vegeta gasped, joining them.  
“Huh?” Frieza blinked, looking at the king. “Why?”  
“Well… you remember my wife?” King Vegeta began.  
“Turnipa? Yeah I remember her… she was _beautiful_!” Frieza looked over to Nappa and Raditz and called, “Hey guys! Vegeta’s mom!”  
“Whoo!” Nappa and Raditz started cheering and whistling, holding up their beers.  
“Haha, alright!”  
“Yeah that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Vegeta’s mom!”  
“So not cool.” Vegeta growled.

King Vegeta looked at Frieza.  
“Yeah well… we’re kind of having a date night, and right now she’s in hell and she’s – uh –” He looked around cautiously, and whispered the rest of his story to Frieza.  
“Uh-huh… hm…” Frieza nodded, listening. “I get it. That sounds like a terrible thing to miss out on.”  
“I know!” King Vegeta protested. “I was just about to – you know – when all of a sudden I was transported here! I mean I didn’t think this one day of life thing was compulsory!”  
“Don’t worry Vegeta, I know just what to do.” Frieza assured, putting a hand on the king’s shoulder. “Hey Goku! Come here!” He called over, and winked at King Vegeta. “This guy is really strong, he actually managed to defeat me.”  
“Alright, he sounds perfect! Thanks Frieza!” King Vegeta grinned.  
“Don’t mention it.” Frieza smiled.

Goku approached the group and looked at Frieza.  
“What’s up?” He asked.  
“Goku, do me a favour,” Frieza said. “Kill me.”  
“What!” King Vegeta choked. “Frieza, why the hell are you asking him to kill **you**!”  
“Oh, well, Turnipa’s in hell and she’s –” Frieza whispered the rest to King Vegeta. King Vegeta listening to him and started shaking in rage.  
“ _ **I know**_!” He roared. “Let me make one thing clear, you are not going anywhere **near** my wife! I mean even if you do go back to hell there is no way she would even so much as look at you!”  
“Well then I guess Turnipa and I are going to play my favourite game,” Frieza smirked. “Rape.”  
“Friezaaaaaaa…” King Vegeta seethed, clenching his fists.

Goku frowned at Frieza in confusion.  
“Hey Frieza, why do you want me to kill you?” He questioned.  
“Oh, well… I just realised I did a lot of bad things and I deserve to die.” Frieza answered. “So come on, wave that pretty little hand of yours and do your sexy Kakarot face and send me down to Vegeta’s wife.”  
“Go to hell.” King Vegeta spat.  
“That’s the plan.” Frieza said with a smirk.  
“ _Dammit_!”

Goku smiled at Frieza.  
You know what? I’m not going to kill you.” He said.  
“What?” Frieza blinked.  
“The fact that you’re admitting you did something wrong shows me how much you’ve changed.” Goku put a faithful hand on Frieza and looked at him warmly. “Enjoy your life, buddy.” He uttered and walked away with a noble glow surrounding him.  
“What… what the…” Frieza choked. 

Vegeta and Piccolo starting laughing, grinning at Frieza in amusement.  
“Haha! Welcome to the club of people rehabilitated by Goku the Saint!” Vegeta sniggered.  
“The club of what?” Frieza frowned.  
“You can’t escape now, he’s cursed you.” Piccolo stated and handed Frieza a name badge and a book of coupons. “Here’s your membership pack – the coupons are mostly money off stress balls and relaxation CDs. You’ll be using a _lot_ of them.” He explained. Frieza looked down at the name badge.  
“… This says ‘Cell’.” He uttered.  
“Yeah, we really thought Goku would get to him… I mean he’s made from the guy!” Piccolo answered.  
“… Whatever.” Frieza slammed the name badge into Cell’s forehead, pin first.  
“Ow!” Cell cried out and yanked the badge out of him, glaring at Frieza.  
“Well I guess I’ll have fun doing this at least.” Frieza looked at Vegeta. “Hey Vegeta, you weren’t there when I killed your father were you?” He questioned.  
“No?” Vegeta replied.  
“Yeah well it looked kind of like this.” Frieza blasted King Vegeta to dust in a single movement.  
“Oh my God!” Vegeta screamed, wide-eyed.  
“Yeah that’s it, cry you little orphan.” Frieza smirked.

Chichi saw the attack from a few feet away and gasped. She marched over to Frieza, glaring at him angrily.  
“Frieza! That’s a horrible thing to do!” She scolded.  
“Huh?” Frieza looked at her. “Who are you?”  
“Oh…” Goku re-joined the group and looked at him. “This is my wife, Chichi.”  
“ _This_ is your wife?” Frieza stared at Chichi in shock. “… She’s beautiful!”  
“Huh?” Chichi blinked. Frieza continued talking to Goku, not taking his gaze off Chichi for a second.  
“How do you ever tear yourself away from those eyes? They’re like black holes that have captured a galaxy of stars.”  
“Awww…” Chichi smiled, blushing.  
“Yeah…” Goku took a swig of his beer. “Twenty years of marriage, that’s how.”  
“ _ **Goku**_!” Chichi snapped.  
“Twenty years? And two children?” Frieza gasped. “Chichi you barely look old enough.”  
“Yeah well what do you expect? She had her first kid when she was like twelve.” Bulma sniped, jealous of the attention Chichi was suddenly getting. “You know she’s spent most of her life slaving away over a hot stove, she has _zero_ life experience.”  
“Really? Slaving away?” Frieza smirked at Chichi. “Well if that’s what you’re into I’d love to make a slave of you.” He winked at her.  
“Hey get your own rape victim, this one’s mine!” Goku yelled and threw his beer on Frieza.  
“What the hell! That is the worst thing anyone has ever done to me!” Frieza barked, wiping the beer off his face.  
“Yeah well, you got what you deserved – as always! Come on Chichi, you can’t trust this guy.” Goku growled, and left with Chichi.  
“Bastard.” Frieza muttered angrily.  
“Yeah well it serves you right! You shouldn’t try to come between Goku and Chichi, they’ve been married since like forever!” Bulma lectured. “And if I remember correctly you _were_ talking about mistreating me.”  
“But you’re married too, right?” Cell commented.  
“Pff! Only to Vegeta! Like that counts for anything!” Bulma snorted.  
“You know Bulma I’m standing like, right here…” Vegeta said from beside her. “Can totally hear everything you’re saying.”  
“You know Turnipa used to say the same thing about his father.” Frieza smirked, completely ignoring Vegeta.

At that moment King Vegeta reappeared.  
“Vegeta? I thought you were with your wife?” Frieza frowned in confusion.  
“Yep! Been there done that, not I’m leaving her to cool down.” King Vegeta declared, smirking triumphantly.  
“But you’ve only been gone for five minutes.” Frieza stated.  
“… Yeah well… it’s not about quantity it’s about quality.” King Vegeta replied, lowering his eyes a little. Frieza smirked.  
“Oh yeah… That’s another thing Turnipa always used to say about you.”  
“Huh?” King Vegeta looked at him. “What do you mean?”  
“Oh nothing, just some dumb pillow talk.” Frieza said, waving a hand.  
“… what?” King Vegeta uttered.  
“Father!” Vegeta cried, capturing the king’s attention.  
“Son!” King Vegeta beamed. “Listen sorry I blanked you before but – well, you know what it’s like. Or at least you would if you were with a real woman and not some alien skank that calls all the shots. Now come on.” He put arm around Vegeta and started to lead him away. “Let me explain to you how a real king treats his mate.”  
“Uh… alright.” Vegeta uttered and the two of them walked away just as there was another knock at the door.  
“I’ll get that.” Bulma said and left the room.


	5. Goku's Dad

Bulma opened the door, and froze at the person she saw standing before her. It was a man… and what a man! He was talk, dark and handsome, and the rest! He was wearing saiyan armour over a steel chest with his muscular arms exposed to the cool night air. He had jet black hair and dark, dangerous eyes and a scar upon his cheek. His tail was wrapped around his waist in the traditional saiyan fashion and upon his head he wore a bandana that was stained with blood. He stood casually with a hard edge to him, cool and powerful, as he took a long drag of the cigarette that was in his hand. The man moved his eyes to Bulma and slowly exhaled.  
“Hey, Blue Eyes. So is there a party around here or something?” He uttered coolly and threw his cigarette to the ground, crushing it out with his boot.  
“Oh wow…” Bulma sighed with love-heart eyes. “Are you… Goku’s dad?”  
“Huh? Goku?” The man frowned in confusion. “Oh, right. Yeah that’s Kakarot’s name isn’t it? Sure I’m his dad, Bardock. You his wife or something?”  
“No… a friend…” Bulma mumbled, still staring at Bardock.  
“Huh. That’s a shame, I was about to say he’s done pretty well for himself.” Bardock said and noticed the way Bulma was staring. “You okay?” He asked.  
“Uh-huh… it’s just…” Bulma blushed. “Frieza said you were hot…” She let out a sigh. “He was right…”  
“Frieza said that? Huh.” Bardock uttered. “… … Well I wish he’d made his feelings known forty years ago instead of blowing me up. I was a lot more liberal back then, I probably would have gone for it. Oh well.” He stepped inside and looked at Bulma. “This way to the kitchen?”  
“Uh-huh.” Bulma nodded. “Here, let me get you a beer!” She took hold of Bardock’s arm and started to lead him into the kitchen.  
“Thanks.” Bardock said. “… I’m so fucking cool.”

Meanwhile Yamcha was left standing on his own, unnoticed, in the open doorway of Capsule Corps.  
“… Guess I’ll just let myself in, okay Bulma?” He growled. “Bitch.”  
“Oh – by the way you probably didn’t notice him because why the hell would you when you got me to look at, but I arrived with a guy.” Bardock said as Bulma lead him into the kitchen and handed him a beer. “He said he was one of Kakarot’s friends.”  
“Oh, uh…” Bulma tried to think of anyone who wasn’t already at the party. “Yamcha?”  
“Yeah maybe, it was something lame.” Bardock answered and looked around. “Oh here he is.”  
“Yamcha.” Bulma stated, seeing the second man appear beside them.  
“Hey Bulma.” Yamcha greeted her. “You got any protein shakes? I’m in a pretty intense training regime right now and I need the extra power.”  
“Oh my God, would you listen to this guy? It’s like he thinks he’s strong compared to _everybody_ else in the room.” Bardock snorted.  
“Yeah that’s my ex… He’s friends with your son.” Bulma explained.  
“Yeah well my son needs better friends. I can see why you dumped him.” Bardock uttered and took a swig of his beer.  
“I’ll just… go ahead and get myself a beer…” Yamcha mumbled sheepishly.  
“Yeah you do that if that makes you feel like a man.” Bardock said, and watched as Yamcha walked away with his head hung in shame.

At that moment Goten and Trunks came running back into the room and headed for Bulma.  
“Hey Mom! I totally beat the crap out of Goten!” Trunks grinned.  
“That’s nice – hey Goten, look who it is! It’s your grandfather!” Bulma smiled down at Goten.  
“Huh?” Goten blinked, and moved his eyes to Bardock.  
“Aw… Did you have to tell him that?” Bardock whined.  
“Wow, Grandpa? Hi! It’s nice to meet you!” Goten beamed.  
“Yeah…” Bardock looked down at the boy and scratched the back of his head. “Listen, I’m sure you’re great and everything but I fucking hate kids. Come back when you’re all grown up okay? I might have five minutes for you then.”

Suddenly Gohan appeared at Bardock’s side.  
“Hey Grandpa! I’m all grown up – do you have five minutes for me?” He smiled.  
“Yeah… listen, the thing is I hate douchebags.” Bardock said. “Come back when… actually no, just don’t come back.”  
“Aw…” Gohan mumbled, disappointed. “Come on kids, let’s go spar outside.” He left with Goten and Trunks.  
“Wow… is there anybody you do like, Bardock?” Bulma questioned.  
“Yeah a couple of people. My comrades, and my wife.” Bardock answered, and smiled fondly. “My wife sure is someone special… I mean really. She’s just so sweet and unusual…”  
“Aww.” Bulma smiled.  
“And she’s gorgeous!” Bardock exclaimed and called across the room, “Hey Frieza, Nappa, Vegeta!”  
“Yeah?” Frieza, Nappa, King Vegeta and Vegeta all answered, looking over at him.  
“Raditz and Kakarot’s mom!” Bardock exclaimed.  
“Whoo! Alright!” The others cheered.   
“Raditz and Kakarot’s mom!” Nappa grinned.  
“And dad.” Frieza smirk and winked at Bardock.   
“Yeah… sorry Frieza, that ship has sailed.” Bardock uttered.

King Vegeta turned back to Vegeta and continued their conversation.  
“So anyway, as I was saying – look, just how many times have you hospitalised Bulma?”  
“What? None!” Vegeta gasped.  
“See, and that’s where you’re going wrong. I’ve been watching you guys from hell, son, and it is _painful_. She doesn’t respect you!” King Vegeta protested.  
“And she’d respect me if I beat her?” Vegeta frowned.  
“Exactly! Now you’re getting it!” King Vegeta nodded. “Every time your mother talked back to me I would break a bone or two – nothing fancy, just a finger or an arm here and there. Nothing that can puncture any of her vital organs.”  
“… Father, that… that sounds…”   
“And you shouldn’t stop there!” King Vegeta continued. “I noticed that kid of yours can be pretty wild sometimes, you know he’d behave a lot more if he was terrified of you. When you were even younger than him I dislocated your shoulder once just for having an allergic reaction to your dinner – every mealtime after that you ate _everything_ on your plate let me tell you, no matter how much it hurt.”  
“I remember having my shoulder messed up… I thought Frieza did that!” Vegeta gasped.  
“Well he probably did as well.” King Vegeta shrugged. “Back then people could discipline their children, not like these days when you can’t even breathe on your kids. I can’t count the amount of times I had you and your mother begging me for mercy!” He started to laugh. “Haha! She even tried to protect you once! She soon learned never to do that again!”  
“… Dad, you’re a fucking jackass.” Vegeta growled.  
“Oh come on! You’re only saying that because you’re a wuss.” King Vegeta snorted. “But hey, if you want a woman that doesn’t know her place and an out of control halfbreed son then you go right on ahead and continue ruining your life.”  
“… … Hey Frieza.” Vegeta uttered.   
“Hm?” Frieza replied, approaching him.  
“Kill my dad.” Vegeta said.  
“What am I, some kind of charity organisation?” Frieza barked. “I don’t do requests! The only thing I respond to is people begging me for mercy.” 

Vegeta looked at Frieza tearfully and whimpered in a weak voice,  
“But please… please don’t hurt him! He’s the only father I have, don’t take him away from me!”  
“Ha!” Frieza exclaimed and blasted King Vegeta to dust. He smirked at Vegeta triumphantly. “How do you feel now, little orphan monkey!”  
“Fantastic, thanks.” Vegeta replied. He slapped Frieza on the back and walked away, leaving Frieza alone to realise he’d been tricked.  
“… … _Dammit_!” Frieza cried.

Meanwhile Bardock approached Goku.  
“Hey Kakarot.” He began.  
“Uh… hi?” Goku looked at him in confusion.  
“Yeah I’m your father, don’t be overwhelmed by how fucking cool I am just enjoy it.” Bardock uttered.  
“… Okay.” Goku replied.  
“Yeah so anyway I just wanted to say well done for defeating Frieza and becoming a super saiyan and everything. I mean I’m still really fucking glad I didn’t have to raise you because I hate kids, but it’s good to know that my son turned out okay without me putting any effort into him whatsoever.” Bardock said.  
“Wow, thanks dad!” Goku grinned.  
“Yeah and that’s a nice little family you got.” Bardock continued. “I mean your older son is kind of one of God’s little mistakes but your younger son doesn’t seem too bad, considering he was raised without a father figure. I guess it just pays for guys like us to not be around, eh?”  
“Well… I wouldn’t exactly…” Goku mumbled, sweat dropping. “I mean I –”  
“Anyway your wife is gorgeous, if I wasn’t married to your mother I would probably kidnap her myself – and I’m pretty impressed that your boys are both super saiyans. Well done on your life Kakarot.” Bardock smiled.   
“Thanks dad.” Goku replied, smiling back.  
“Wait, what the hell!” Raditz cried, coming up beside Goku. “You never say anything like that to me, Dad!”  
“Well why the hell would I!” Bardock snapped. “You’re a huge disappointment Raditz, I’m always telling your mother the worst thing she ever did was not having an abortion.”  
“What!” Raditz choked. Goku looked at Bardock.  
“Uh, isn’t that a little –”   
“No Kakarot, he’s a big boy and it’s time he learned the truth – that he is the _only_ member of this family that’s never turned super saiyan.” Bardock glared at Raditz. “You know how much that pisses me off?”   
“Well maybe I would be a super saiyan by now if your golden boy Kakarot hadn’t killed me!” Raditz argued.  
“Listen kid, I’m not interested in excuses. There’s only one thing that counts in life and that’s results. Maybe you should stay here for a couple of years and let Kakarot train you, then I might actually want to look you in the eye from time to time.” Bardock growled. He threw his beer over Raditz in disgust and walked away.

Raditz didn’t say a word. He simply stared at the floor, soaked in beer. Goku looked at him sympathetically.   
“Wow…” He uttered and went to put his hand on Raditz’s shoulder. “I’m sorry –”  
“Forget about it Kakarot.” Raditz growled, moving away. “Just go and thank Frieza for guaranteeing you never had to grow up with _him_.”

After that there was another knock at the door, but Bulma was too busy staring at Bardock to answer it. She sighed angrily.   
“ _Dammit_! Everyone I invited is already here! Vegeta, get the door!” She ordered.  
“Why, so you can stand here and eyeball Kakarot’s dad?” Vegeta snarled.  
“Yes! It’s a party, Vegeta! Lighten up!” Bulma argued.  
“Maybe my father was right.” Vegeta muttered angrily, and looked at Yamcha. “Hey loser, do me a favour and answer the door you got thrown out of all those years ago.”  
“Jerk.” Yamcha growled, but he went to answer the door anyway.


	6. The Affair

Yamcha opened the door to find a woman stood there. Yamcha stared at her, completely clueless as to who she was. She had dark eyes and long jet black hair that was wild and untamed. Her face was beautiful and she had a kind of superior feel about her. She was dressed in armour – saiyan armour, and she had a tail around her waist…  
“Uh…” Yamcha uttered. “Hi?”  
“Hi.” The mysterious saiyan beauty answered. “Is there a guy called Vegeta here? The prince of saiyans?”  
“Uh… yeah.” Yamcha replied, noticing the rage that was on the woman’s face and the fierceness of her ki. _“Wow, she seems kind of angry.”_ He thought to himself, and looked at her tail. “Are you like… his ex-girlfriend or something?”  
“What! Don’t be disgusting!” The woman spat. “I’m his mother, Turnipa! And this lousy piece of crap –” She stepped aside to reveal a very sheepish-looking King Vegeta, who was stood behind her with his tail clasped firmly in her hand. “– Is his father, who has been telling him all sorts of baloney! So I need to set the record straight, where is he?”  
“He’s…” Yamcha pointed down the corridor, staring at the royal couple in disbelief. “Through there.”  
“Thanks!” Turnipa smiled and yanked King Vegeta’s tail. “Come on!” She marched past Yamcha and headed for the living room, dragging King Vegeta behind her.

Meanwhile in the living room Vegeta was stood against the wall, drinking a beer and watching Goku and Krillin on the karaoke machine with a disgusted look on his face.  
“I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was…” Goku sang.  
“To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause…” Krillin followed.  
“… Jackasses.” Vegeta muttered angrily, wondering what the hell he was still doing here.  
“Vegeta!”

Vegeta raised his head to the sound of someone screaming his name.  
“Huh?” He frowned at the sight of a dark-haired woman storming over to him.  
“Vegeta - -” The woman stopped in front of Vegeta, and stared at him. “… Awww!” Her eyes suddenly turned to love hearts and she threw her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. “Look how much you’ve grown! You know even when I watch you from hell I still think of you as a baby!”  
“Uh… do I know you?” Vegeta sweat-dropped, trying not to spill his beer. He looked down and noticed she had a tail, and that she was wearing royal saiyan armour. _“What the hell?”_  
“Oh, well… you probably wouldn’t remember me, you were so young when I died…” The woman said, and smiled at him. “I’m your mother, Dear!”  
“M-Mother!” Vegeta choked, wide-eyed.  
“Mm-hm.” Turnipa nodded. “And look who it is – your father!” She yanked on King Vegeta’s tail again, pulling him forward.  
“What! No!” Vegeta cried. He grabbed Turnipa and pulled her away from King Vegeta, glaring angrily at his father. “If I remember you were sent back to hell. Why don’t you do yourself a favour and go back there before _**I**_ send you?” Vegeta snarled.  
“What? Vegeta, don’t be so rude! He’s your father!” Turnipa scolded.  
“Mother, you don’t have to defend him!” Vegeta insisted. “I’m not a kid anymore – I’m a super saiyan now; I can protect both of us.”  
“What are you talking about?” Turnipa frowned. “… Oh, right!” She turned and glared at King Vegeta. “See what you’ve done! He thinks I’m terrified of you!” She barked.

King Vegeta sighed and hung his head.  
“Sorry, Turnipa…” He mumbled.  
“What?” Vegeta frowned.  
“Your father doesn’t terrorise me! If anything I’m the one that wears the trousers in our relationship!” Turnipa said. “Isn’t that right, Dear?” She grabbed King Vegeta’s tail and pulled it almost hard enough to rip it out, causing him to shriek in pain and whimper,  
“Y-Yes, Dear…” King Vegeta sighed. “Sorry, Vegeta. I lied to you. I wanted you to think that I was the man of the house, what with me being king and everything… I mean, what sort of king gets bossed around by his own wife?”  
“I don’t boss you around!” Turnipa yelled.  
“No Darling, of course you don’t.” King Vegeta replied, rolling his eyes. Turnipa looked at Vegeta and smiled.  
“See? Nobody terrorises anybody, we’re a perfectly happy couple.” She beamed. King Vegeta nodded and smiled.  
“Mm-hm!” He grinned.

King Vegeta paused for a long moment and then suddenly grabbed hold of Vegeta, squeezing him tightly with desperation in his eyes. “You gotta help me!” King Vegeta cried. “She’s a nightmare! I thought it was sexy at first, but she’s terrifying! I can’t spend the rest of eternity trapped in hell with _her_!”  
“Stop it!” Turnipa snapped, hitting King Vegeta. “You’re making it sound like we aren’t happy!” King Vegeta simply glared at her.  
“Uh… Mother, maybe you should go easy on him…” Vegeta sweat dropped.  
“I’ll do no such thing!” Turnipa snarled, enraged. “I still haven’t forgiven him for giving you away to that tyrant!” She uttered a low growl. “Frieza… If he was here now I’d –”  
“Hey, Turnipa!”

Out of nowhere Frieza approached the group, stopping in front of Turnipa and smirking.  
“Well you’re looking as beautiful as ever.” He purred. “Remember me?”  
“Perfect timing…” Turnipa muttered, and with her ki burning in rage she turned to face Frieza. “ _Remember you_! How could I forget the guy that kidnapped my son, murdered my husband and destroyed my planet!”  
“Well I’m touched that you haven’t forgotten me after all this time.” Frieza smiled and put his arm around her waist, stroking her tail. “I always did think we got along well.” Turnipa gritted her teeth and started shaking in rage.  
“Grrr… _**get the hell off me**_!” She roared and smacked his hand away. She grabbed Frieza by the collar and yanked him towards her, her face only an inch away from his as she snarled at him through gritted teeth. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t _destroy_ you!” She seethed. Frieza shivered.  
“Stop it Turnipa, you’re making me blush. Keep talking like that Girl and you can do whatever you walk to me.” He winked at her and licked his lips, his scarlet eyes shimmering wickedly. Turnipa loosened her grip slightly and blushed, trying to maintain her anger.  
“Don’t… Don’t act cute, Frieza! I’m furious with you!” She growled.  
“I know, and why wouldn’t you be?” Frieza replied. “I’ve been a bad boy so why don’t you take that pretty little mouth of yours and hurt me with it?” He smirked and spoke quietly, “Just like old times, hm?” 

Turnip gasped and pulled him closer.  
“Frieza… shut up!” She whispered.  
“Hey what the hell are you guys talking about?” King Vegeta frowned. “Frieza get the fuck away from my wife, I told you she’d never be interested in you!”  
“Oh yeah, you said that before…” Frieza uttered. He pulled himself out of Turnipa’s grasp and looked at her. “Seriously, you never told him?”  
“ _ **Be quiet**_!” Turnipa hissed and spoke to him telepathically, _“No I never told him! Now shut the hell up before I rip it off with my **teeth**!”_

Frieza shuddered.  
_“I never could get over your dirty talk… You just gave me a good reason to sing like a bird!”_ He looked at King Vegeta. “Hey, remember that time the two of you had that huge argument and you went on a break for a couple of days? Not long after you got married?” Frieza smirked. “Well, _somebody_ was a little too keen to look elsewhere…”  
“Frieza!” King Vegeta gasped.  
_“You bastard!”_ Turnipa silently screamed at Frieza. She turned to King Vegeta and looked at him apologetically. “Vegeta, I –”  
“Turnipa… I’m sorry.” King Vegeta sighed.  
“What?” Turnipa blinked. King Vegeta glared at Frieza.  
“Dammit Frieza, you said you wouldn’t say anything!” He growled.  
“What?” Turnipa repeated.  
“Yeah, _what_?” Vegeta frowned, looking at his father angrily.

King Vegeta stared at Turnipa, his eyes flooded with guilt.  
“Look, Turnipa I… I wanted to tell, you but I was so ashamed I just couldn’t…” He let out a sigh. “Darling… I haven’t been faithful to you. When we were on a break I…” He looked away, ashamed. “I… I had an affair with a servant.”  
“What!” Turnipa gasped.  
“What!” Vegeta stared at his father in disbelief. “Father, that’s terrible –”  
“ _ **I know**_!” King Vegeta protested. “It was a dumb mistake and I’ve regretted it ever since!” He looked at Turnipa. “But we _were_ on a break, and I suppose that was just my way of getting back at you over that argument we had. Please… can you ever forgive me?” Turnipa paused, looking at him.  
“… Well, I –”  
“See Turnipa?” Frieza smiled. “Now you don’t have to worry about what you and I did.”  
“What?” King Vegeta blinked.  
“ _ **What**_!” Vegeta screamed.  
“What a minute, you –” King Vegeta looked at Frieza, and then at Turnipa. “You had an affair with _Frieza_?”

Suddenly the entire room went quiet and everybody turned to look at them.  
“… Wow.” Krillin uttered. “That’s pretty much gonna fuck Vegeta up for good.”  
“Yeah, I… I’m not even gonna try to repair that damage.” Goku replied.  
“Well you had an affair with a servant! At least I stayed within my social class!” Turnipa protested.  
“That was just once! And it meant nothing to me!” King Vegeta yelled.  
“Well Frieza meant nothing to me either! And we just did it once!” Turnipa argued.  
“Ahem.” Frieza cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes at Turnipa.  
“… well…” Turnipa blushed. “… once in each form…”  
“What!” King Vegeta cried.

Meanwhile Vegeta was burying his face in his hands, sobbing to himself.  
“This isn’t happening… please somebody tell me this isn’t happening!”  
“This is _definitely_ happening.” Cell smirked from a few feet away.  
“Sorry Vegeta.” Frieza smirked. “You’re just lucky icejins and saiyans aren’t genetically compatible otherwise I could have been your father.”  
“ _ **Shut the hell up**_!” Vegeta roared and threw a ki blast at him, enraged when Frieza just about dodged the blast and it made a hole in the wall.  
“Aw Vegeta, Bulma’s gonna kill you!” Goku gasped, staring at the hole.  
“Shut up Kakarot!” Vegeta fired another blast at him.

King Vegeta stared at Turnipa, his eyes wide.  
“Turnipa, how… how could you? He was my business partner! He ended up destroying our planet, and murdering our son!”  
“I know!” Turnipa growled. “And if I’d known any of that was going to happen I never would have gone anywhere _near_ him except to kill him myself! Even at the time I felt awful… I mean I was in agony afterwards Vegeta, real agony.”  
“Oh…” King Vegeta uttered, softening. “Well… … really?”  
“Of course…” Turnipa replied. “Have you seen his second form? It’s huge!”  
“Haha…” Frieza sweat dropped, blushing modestly while Prince Vegeta turned green. King Vegeta clenched his fists in rage.  
“I… can’t believe this.” He seethed.

At that moment Bardock came in from outside, where he had been hanging out with Nappa and Raditz.  
“Hey guys, don’t worry I’m back so you can resume the party now.” He said. “What did I miss? Not much I’m guessing.”  
“Bardock!” King Vegeta exclaimed. “You’re married aren’t you? Tell me – how would you react if you’d just found out your wife had had an affair? Would you kill them both or just her, and would you do it quickly or slowly and painfully?”  
“What?” Bardock blinked. “What are you –” His eyes suddenly widened and a look of horror swept across his face. “Oh my God! I – I’m so sorry, Sire! It was years ago, my wife and I were experimenting with an open marriage thing and she did say you guys were on a break!”  
“Wh-What?” King Vegeta choked.  
“Bardock, _shut up_!” Turnipa hissed.  
“I never would have gone near her if I’d known you were going to get back together! Please don’t kill me!” Bardock begged. King Vegeta turned and glared at Turnipa.  
“ _ **Him as well?**_ ” He roared.  
“Oh, this is _priceless_ …” Frieza said with a smirk and looked at Vegeta. “Hey Vegeta, maybe Goku is your brother after all.”  
“Shut up!” Turnipa barked, hitting him. “Anyway that isn’t possible, I didn’t get pregnant with Vegeta until like two months later!”  
“This… this isn’t…” Vegeta whimpered.  
“It’s **so** happening.” Cell said, gleefully watching as a wave of horror swept across Vegeta’s face.

Suddenly Nappa entered the room, frowning in annoyance.  
“Hey, what’s all the yelling in here?” He growled.  
“I’ll tell you what all the yelling is! I’ve just found out my wife has had an affair with a low class saiyan!” King Vegeta snarled.  
“Huh?” Nappa looked at Turnipa. “What the hell Turnipa, you said you wouldn’t tell him!”  
“What!” King Vegeta and Prince Vegeta both gasped. Meanwhile Frieza and Cell burst out laughing. Nappa turned to King Vegeta.  
“And I am **not** a low-class saiyan, Sire! No disrespect but I worked very hard to earn my position as an elite and I won’t be called anything less!”  
“Great. That’s just –” King Vegeta turned to Turnipa. “Is there anyone on Planet Vegeta you didn’t fuck in the _two days_ we weren’t together!”  
“Yeah, for your information, most of them!” Turnipa snarled. “Listen I know it was stupid but it was just those two and Frieza - - so those six –” Frieza started to snigger as Turnipa continued, “– And I have regretted it ever since! But you know why I did it? Because I was devastated about me and you and I was trying to make myself feel better! And if I remember rightly it was you that wanted to break up!”  
“Oh come on Turnipa, I just said that in the heat of the argument! We got back together two days later!” King Vegeta protested.  
“Yeah, after you’d had fun with a servant!” Turnipa argued.  
“Well at least I didn’t have fun with _Frieza_!” King Vegeta snarled.  
“And Bardock.” Frieza added.  
“And Bardock!” King Vegeta growled.  
“And Nappa.” Cell said.  
“And Nappa!” King Vegeta glared at Turnipa.  
“Hmph! Yeah well – I regret it, okay!” Turnipa barked. “But you know what? That _one_ day after we got back together was the only time in our marriage I’ve actually felt like you wanted me – and it was short-lived, just like your partnership with Frieza – which, by the way, I _told_ you was a bad idea! So go to hell, Vegeta!” She screamed, and angrily stormed out of the room, leaving everybody stood there in a painfully awkward silence.

The room was quiet for a few minutes before Goku took a sip of his beer and looked at King Vegeta.  
“… uh… So anyway, Yamcha cheated on Bulma.” He uttered, and everyone turned to look at him. Goku shrugged. “… just saying… it happens sometimes…” He smiled. “But now she’s with someone that makes her really happy! Right Vegeta?” Vegeta didn’t answer, he simply shot Goku a cold, hard, deathly glare. “… uh…” Goku sweat dropped.  
“Yeah…” Krillin uttered. “Goku, I don’t think this is the right time or place or context, or… … Let’s just get the hell out of here.” He grabbed hold of Goku and escorted him out of the room, just as there was another knock on the door. 


	7. Goku's Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, this chapter does contain a couple of my semi-OCs from another fic... The Saiyans Generation 2, to be exact. It can be found on my fanfiction.net page. Actually I only started writing this fic because I had a couple of sketches with those characters in mind and couldn't think of another scenerio to put them in where everyone was together, so... this fic was what happened. Anyway - please review and let me know what you think :) Thank you!

Goku was stood outside with Krillin, thinking about what had just happened between King Vegeta and Turnipa.  
“Wow… I hope Vegeta’s gonna be okay after this.” He sighed.  
“Oh yeah I’m sure he’ll be fine, he seems like a pretty well adjusted guy.” Krillin reasoned.  
“… Huh. You think so? Because I always saw him as borderline suicidal.” Goku replied.  
“… Yeah he’s probably gonna kill himself.” Krillin nodded.

Suddenly a drunken Raditz approached the pair.  
“Hey Kakarot! Ahhh, whadda ya doin’ hanging out with this shrimp?” He exclaimed and kicked Krillin through the wall of Capsule Corps.  
“Hey! Raditz –” Goku was cut off by Raditz pouring beer down his throat.  
“Listen I told you earlier tonight that I would make you vomit onto a building! And guess what – you’re gonna vomit on Vegeta’s house!” Raditz grinned.  
“R-Raditz!” Goku coughed, almost choking on the beer. “Come on – his parents just broke up!”  
“Yeah and if he was like eight years old that would be something we could all give a crap about.” Raditz replied. “Who the fuck cares, he didn’t even have parents before tonight! Now drink!” He handed Goku a beer.  
“Alright…” Goku mumbled and started to drink.

Meanwhile Vegeta was in the kitchen slamming his head onto the worktop and muttering to himself.  
“Stupid Frieza, Bardock, Nappa, Frieza, Bardock, Nappa, Frieza, Bardock, Nappa…”  
“Gee, what’s the matter with him?” Bulma asked, watching Vegeta in confusion.  
“Oh he just found out his mother’s a huge slut. He’ll get over it.” Frieza replied.  
“Oh, really? Who did she sleep with?” Bulma asked.  
“Well, a few people…” Frieza said and smirked. “Hey. _Bardock_ was one of them.”  
“No!” Bulma gasped.  
“Mm-hm.” Frieza nodded.  
“Why did she ever go back to his father?” Bulma protested.  
“Because she’s a gold-digging bitch.” Frieza replied bluntly.  
“Really! That’s awful!” Bulma gasped. Frieza waved a hand and answered,  
“Ah, don’t worry about it. Those always fight but they make up in the end – she looks good on his arm.”

Right on cue King Vegeta and Turnipa entered, holding hands.  
“Okay so we uh… we decided to forgive each other.” King Vegeta announced to the room.  
“Yeah. I mean – we technically weren’t together at the time, and we both did see other people.” Turnipa reasoned.  
“Yeah. And I guess I can’t blame Turnipa for wanting to take advantage of being single while she still could.” King Vegeta said.  
“And it _was_ Vegeta that started the argument, and he’s treated me like crap ever since.” Turnipa added.  
“Yeah, uh… let’s not drag that up…” King Vegeta blushed slightly and put his arm around Turnipa, looking at the others. “All you guys need to know is that I worked it out with the love of my life!”  
“Aww…” Turnipa smiled, looking at him warmly. She squeezed King Vegeta’s hand and kissed his cheek. Frieza looked at King Vegeta.  
“Make up sex?” He asked.  
“Yep.” King Vegeta nodded.  
“Yeah she’s pretty good at that.” Frieza said. King Vegeta grinned.  
“Well it’s the reason why we had a kid so soon after we got married – oh dammit!” He suddenly looked at Turnipa, his eyes widening. “I forgot – we’re alive now, right? Are you on any medication?”  
“No…” Turnipa whimpered, also wide-eyed. She seemed to panic for a moment, then let out a sigh. “Well listen Vegeta, if the worst happens we are _not_ giving this one away! Just once I want to have a kid that actually grows up with us!”  
“Right, I totally agree!” King Vegeta nodded. “… Unless it’s a girl.”  
“What!” Turnipa barked. “That doesn’t matter!”  
“Pff! Right, sure!” King Vegeta snorted. “Hey Frieza, check out Miss Equality over here!”  
“Haha! That’s hilarious!” Frieza laughed.  
“Jerk.” Bulma growled, glaring at him.

Turnipa approached Bulma and smiled at her warmly.  
“Oh, you must be Bulma! I’m Vegeta’s mother Turnipa, it’s so nice to meet you!” She said.  
“Thanks! You too.” Bulma smiled back.  
“You know, I always knew my Vegeta wouldn’t end up with a saiyan girl, but I did always hope that he would find a nice respectable young lady that was both intelligent and moral.” Turnipa smiled.  
“Oh, well… thank you.” Bulma replied, blushing.  
“Still, I suppose you’ll do just as well.” Turnipa shrugged.  
“Thanks.” Bulma growled, glaring at the woman.  
“Hm.” Turnipa uttered and took King Vegeta’s arm. “Come on Dear, let’s go meet our grandson while we still can.” King Vegeta let out a sigh.  
“Fine…” He mumbled. “But just for five minutes Turnipa – I mean I’m not all that crazy about my own kids so do you really think I’ve got time for a halfbreed?”

As the couple left the room as happy as ever, Vegeta’s eyes followed them, his jaw dropped in disbelief.  
“They’re… they’re actually back together?” He choked.  
“Yeah and if I were you I’d go and stop them traumatising Trunks.” Krillin replied. “I mean no offence Vegeta but your parents seem kind of dysfunctional. I think growing up on Frieza’s ship was actually your better option.”  
“Shut up Krillin, who the hell says that?” Vegeta snarled and blasted him.

As Krillin rubbed the burns on his head Goku came stumbling into the kitchen and fell face first onto the worktop.  
“Ve – Vegeta…” He stammered, propping himself up on his elbows. “Can I… can I have a glass of water please? By the way, you uh… you need to clean your house. Just… just on the outside…” He let out a groan and fell to the floor.  
“What the hell!” Vegeta exclaimed.  
“Oh my God! Goku!” Bulma gasped and raced over to kneel in front of Goku, looking down at the man with concern. “What’s wrong?” Goku looked up at Bulma and started to snigger.  
“You know what?” He uttered. “My – my first experience with a girl was taking your underwear off, Bulma. And I was _twelve_. How cool am I?”  
“ _ **What**_!” Vegeta roared. Bulma blushed.  
“Uh… Goku, maybe you should go for a lie down…” She said. Goku smirked and grabbed hold of the kitchen cupboards, dragging himself to his feet.  
“Y-Yeah, in your bed? Haha! Just like old times!” He laughed and then fell down again. Bulma looked at Vegeta.  
“Nothing happened.” She insisted.  
“Of course nothing happened, he was twelve!” Vegeta barked. “And I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason nothing happened! I mean you were dumb enough to get with Yamcha back then and he has way less potential than Kakarot!”

Everyone suddenly turned to look at Vegeta in response.  
“Hey Vegeta, you like my brother or something?” Raditz asked, walking into the kitchen.  
“What? No!” Vegeta protested. “I – I just meant – well Kakarot’s a saiyan, so you know… just in racial terms… he’s a better catch.” He blushed and quickly changed the subject. “Anyway! Raditz, I’m assuming that you were the one that got him into this state? So guess what – **you** have to deal with him!”  
“Huh? Oh… yeah, sure, it was me.” Raditz answered. “I mean I wanted to show him what it was like to be drunk so I made him throw up on your house, I hope that’s cool.”  
“No it’s not cool!” Vegeta yelled.  
“Oh.” Raditz uttered. “… Yeah well Kakarot threw up on your house. I’ll take him home soon, I just have to strip him down to his underwear.”  
“You know, Raditz…” Frieza began, eyeing up the ripe and vulnerable Goku, who was now delightfully unconscious. “You only have one night here, so if you want to try and befriend your father and get to know your nephews while you still have the chance I could strip Goku down for you.”  
“Really? Thanks Frieza, that’s a huge weight off my mind!” Raditz beamed. “Oh – there’s just one thing though, I was gonna attach him to a huge pole, probably at his rear end, you think you could do that too?”  
“Yeah I think that could be arranged.” Frieza said with a wicked smirk, his scarlet eyes twinkling in excitement.  
“ _ **No**_!” Bulma yelled, glaring at Frieza. “You are not raping Goku, okay!”  
“Tch. Just because he’s no use to you in this condition…” Frieza sniped.  
“That’s not the reason you jerk!” Bulma snapped. “Vegeta, help me get him up.”  
“What! Why me?” Vegeta protested.  
“Because I said so!” Bulma roared. “Now do it – help me get him into the bedroom, he needs to lie down!  
“I’ll help you –” Frieza offered before he was cut off by Bulma’s screaming,  
“ _ **No**_!”

Vegeta grunted, looking down at Goku.  
“Bulma just leave him there, he’ll be a deterrent for the kids. This is what happens when you drink and you’re a lightweight.” He sniggered.  
“Vegeta!” Bulma scolded.  
“Ah Bulma don’t worry he’ll be fine in like five minutes. Saiyans recover from alcohol easier than they breathe.” Raditz assured. Bulma glared at him.  
“Yeah well considering **all** the saiyans here have died at least once I don’t have much faith in their breathing skills!” She snarled.  
“… Wow.” Raditz uttered, staring at her in shock. “Vegeta your wife’s a bitch.”  
“Yeah I’m starting to think I have my father’s taste in women.” Vegeta replied.

Meanwhile Gohan answered the door to Capsule Corps to find two women stood on the doorstep. He didn’t recognise them, but oddly enough they bore a striking resemblance to Frieza and Zarbon.  
“Hello…?” Gohan blinked.  
“Hi!” The icejin girl smiled. “Is there a party here?”  
“Uh… yeah. Do we know you?” Gohan asked.  
“Oh – um, I guess you do, in a manner of speaking.” The girl answered. “We’re from a different universe, where all you boys are female and the girls are male.”  
“Yeah I’m Zarba and this is Lady Frikiza – you probably know us as Zarbon and Lord Frieza.” Her companion added.  
“… Oh. Okay, uh… well Zarbon and Frieza are here somewhere.” Gohan sweat dropped, staring at the women.  
“Oh great! I’ve not seen those guys in years!” Frikiza beamed. “Last time I was in this universe it was so that Frieza could teach me to be evil, but I wasn’t very good at it, so in the end I decided to be nice to people. Now I do volunteer work in hell, rehabilitating bad people.” She explained. “Actually I just converted a lot of bad girls in our universe, so I came to your universe to work on their counterparts when I heard about this party. Do you think the host would mind if we joined in?”  
“Uh… I guess not.” Gohan shrugged. “I mean, Bulma doesn’t seem to mind Frieza and Zarbon being here.”  
“Oh great! By the way, these are for the host.” Frikiza smiled and held up a large bouquet of flowers.”  
“Oh.” Gohan smiled at her. “Thanks! Bulma will love those. This way.” He led them towards the kitchen.

Back in the kitchen Goku was now standing up, supported by Bulma and Chichi.  
“Oh my God Goku!” Chichi cried and glared at Raditz. “Why did you get him into this state!”  
“I could ask you the same thing! You know if you weren’t such a bitch he wouldn’t have a reason to drink.” Raditz sniped.  
“ _ **What did you say**_!” Chichi seethed, shooting him a deathly glare.  
“H-Hey, Raditz…” Goku looked at his brother. “Don’t be so mean to Chichi, I don’t like it.”  
“Aww…” Chichi smiled, looking at Goku with love-heart eyes.  
“Yeah ‘cos I’m the one that’s gonna have to pay for it you fucking jackass.” Goku growled, causing Chichi’s face to drop.

Gohan entered the kitchen with Frikiza and Zarba, and handed Bulma the bouquet of flowers.  
“Hey Bulma, these are for you – from Frikiza and Zarba.” He said.  
“Oh, they’re beautiful!” Bulma exclaimed and turned to the girls. “Thank you - - … Who are you guys?”  
“Frikiza?” Frieza gasped, his eyes widening at the sight of his female counterpart.  
“Niichan!” Frikiza beamed and ran over and hugged him. “It’s so good to see you! How have you been?”  
“Not so good, I’ve been dead for ten years.” Frieza answered.  
“Well I said you should be nicer to people! I don’t have any sympathy for you Frieza, I’m sure you got killed doing something terrible!” Frikiza scolded.  
“Yeah… you know Frikiza, if I wanted a lecture I would have just looked you up myself.” Frieza hissed and took a large swig from his bottle of wine.  
“Who are you guys?” Bulma questioned, staring at the girls. Vegeta let out an exhausted sigh and started to answer,  
“They’re Frieza and Zarbon from another universe. Apparently it’s possible for Frieza to look even more like a girl. They came to Frieza’s ship when I was seventeen and – you know what? That’s pretty much all you need to know, just read Generation 2 if you want any more detail than that.”  
“Oh… okay.” Bulma uttered and looked at Frikiza. She was a little shorter than Frieza in his first form but she looked kind of like him, except her horns were a little smaller and accessorised with black bows, her eyes were softer, her face was gentler, her flesh was completely soft and smooth where Frieza had scales and her armour only covered her chest and she wore a black skirt that stopped halfway up her thighs. She looked… kind of like a doll. “… Cute.” Bulma giggled.

Raditz moved his eyes to Frikiza and Zarba.  
“So, uh… Doria’s not with you, huh?” He questioned.  
“No. She’s on a diet so she decided to sit this one out.” Frikiza smirked at him. “She sends her regards, though.” Raditz blushed.  
“Uh… well…”  
“Oh yeah…” Vegeta mumbled. “Didn’t you have a thing with her –”  
“ _ **No**_!” Raditz cut him off and looked at Frikiza. “Tell her to go to hell!”  
“Looks like she’ll be seeing you there, jerk.” Frikiza growled. Bulma sweat dropped.  
“Uh… You girls want a drink –”  
“Yep!” Zarba immediately yanked Frieza’s wine bottle off him and downed the entire thing.  
“Hey!” Frieza snapped. “What the hell –”  
“I’ve been nice for ten years and I am _having a night off_!” Zarba hissed desperately and hit him as hard as possibly she could, glaring at Frieza angrily. “Is that okay with you!”  
“It is if you do that again.” Frieza smirked and let out a purr, causing Zarba to blush.

Goku looked at Zarba, studying her closely.  
“So… You’re like a girl Zarbon?” He asked. Zarba nodded.  
“Mm-hm.” Goku continued to stare at her, taking in her soft blueish green skin, her long, silky green hair, her divinely sculpted face, her dazzling golden eyes…  
“… Wow.” Goku uttered. “You’re… you’re _**beautiful**_!”  
“What!” Chichi choked.  
“Yeah I mean – I thought Zarbon was pretty good-looking but you’re like – you’re like a goddess!” Goku gasped, staring at Zarba.  
“Thanks.” Zarba said with a smirk. “You’re not so bad yourself.”  
“Goku! I can’t believe you’re hitting on another woman right in front of me!” Chichi yelled.  
“Huh? Oh – no Chichi, I’m not doing that!” Goku insisted. “I mean on the outside she’s beautiful but I bet she’s hideous on the inside, just like the real Zarbon.” He looked at Zarba. “You’re a total bitch, right?”  
“What! Don’t be so rude!” Zarba barked.  
“Oh come on – we both know you’d rather be a beautiful bitch than an ugly nice person.” Goku replied. Zarba opened her mouth to argue, but soon closed it when she realised he was right.  
“… Moron.” She growled.  
“Huh. Hey Kakarot you’re a lot more honest when you’re drunk. Here.” Raditz handed Goku another beer and looked at him. “So really, what’s it like being married?”  
“Oh… Raditz, I can’t answer that.” Goku said.  
“Why not?” Raditz asked.  
“‘Cos I’d be honest.”  
“ _ **Grrrr**_!” Chichi seethed.

Meanwhile Frikiza turned to Frieza.  
“So where’s Zarbon? Did he die too?” She questioned.  
“Oh – yeah, we got killed around the same time. He’s around somewhere.” Frieza answered. “Tch. I dumped him earlier this evening and he decided to throw a hissy fit like the little drama queen he is. As if that’s going to make him more attractive to me.”  
“You dumped him? Why?” Frikiza replied.  
“Oh, you know… things just ran their course I suppose. He’ll get over it – I did it as gently as I possibly could.” Frieza said sincerely. Frikiza smiled.  
“Well… that’s nice.”  
“Mm-hm.” Frieza nodded, smiling back. Vegeta rolled his eyes.  
“Anyway, so how have you been?” Frieza put a friendly arm around Frikiza and turned towards the door, reaching for Zarba with his tail. “Come and tell me all about it – you too Zarba.” He led them out of the room, talking as they went. “Oh – Zarba by the way, I want you to meet a friend of mine, Cell. I think you’ll get on with him quite well.”  
“Can I meet him too?” Frikiza asked.  
“Uh… sure, I guess.” Frieza said. “You can meet him on your own right after I’ve finished introducing him to Zarba. Just don’t tell me about it, it’d be too weird.”  
“Huh…?”

Back in the kitchen Bulma watched the three of them leave the room with her arms folded, jealously eyeing up Zarba and the way Frieza’s tail was draped across her.  
“She’s not that hot, right?” Bulma growled.  
“Bulma, why does it concern you?” Vegeta remarked.  
“I’m just saying!” Bulma protested. “… He never offered to introduce _me_ to Cell…”  
“ _ **So what if he didn’t**_!” Vegeta roared, turning super saiyan. “I can’t believe how much crap I’ve had to put up with tonight – name one thing, just **one** good thing that has come out of this party!”

At that moment Yamcha entered the room.  
“Hey Bulma, sorry to kill the party atmosphere but I just went into the bathroom and Zarbon’s hung himself in there.” He said. “So uh… you know. Might wanna clean that up.”  
“… Yeah okay that’s pretty good.” Vegeta admitted. “But I’m still pretty fucking annoyed with my life right now!”  
“Yeah well Vegeta you always are, just go ahead and self-destruct already.” Goku replied. Everyone turned to look at him, and Goku suddenly grew wide-eyed at what he had just said. “… Wow. I’m sorry Vegeta, that was a little harsh. I don’t think I should drink anymore.” He threw his beer away.  
“Yeah… maybe you shouldn’t.” Vegeta growled, and there was another knock on the door.


	8. Arrival Of The Birds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so much longer than the others. I was thinking of splitting it in half but couldn’t really find a good point to cut it… Also sorry the girls come and go pretty quickly, I really wanted to write the Nimbus scene but I also didn’t want to make this fic about my OCs, so I figured I should get rid of them before they take over ^_^’ You can see more of the girls in my fics The Saiyans Generation 2 and 3!  
> Anyway, please review and let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks!

Krillin answered the door to Capsule Corps to see a group of people he didn’t recognise standing there; they were two human men and four saiyan women.  
“Hi.” The newcomers all greeted him.  
“Uh… hi?” Krillin blinked, staring at the group.  
“Huh?” The youngest woman, who strangely enough kind of resembled Goku, looked at him, taking a moment to study his face. “Oh! Do you think this is Krilla?”  
“Yeah probably, this guy’s short and weird too.” Another woman, resembling Raditz, replied.  
“Maybe we should have invited the others…” One of the men said; he had blue hair and blue eyes.  
“Nah it’s cool, we don’t want the place too crowded.” Another woman answered; she had a large frame and looked a little like Nappa. She moved her eyes to Krillin. “So is everyone through there?” She asked, pointing down the corridor of Capsule Corps.  
“Uh… yeah.” Krillin answered cautiously. “Who are you guys?”  
“Depends who’s asking.” The Nappa woman replied, and smirked. “Who do you want me to be, little man?”  
“Yeah… Nanapa just quit that stuff okay?” The blue-haired man sighed. “We don’t want to get thrown out before we’ve even arrived.”  
“Hmph!” The large woman exhaled in annoyance and the group headed for the kitchen.  
“Seriously guys, who are you! I’m not supposed to let strangers in!” Krillin called after them. “… Oh dammit, 18’s gonna take away my allowance.”

Back in the kitchen Chichi was giving Goku his tenth glass of water, which he downed desperately without taking a breath.  
“Okay… I think I’m good…” Goku gasped and smiled at his wife. “Thanks, Chichi.”  
“Don’t mention it.” Chichi beamed.

Suddenly the large group of people walked into the kitchen.  
“What the hell?” Bulma cried. “This is an invite only party! Who are you guys?” Vegeta looked up at the group and sighed.  
“Seriously? You guys as well?” He growled and let out an exhausted groan. “Fine… Bulma it’s more stupid Generation 2 OCs. This is Yasa who is me, Raidisha, Raditz, Nanapa, Nappa, and…” He stopped and looked at the two men that accompanied the saiyan women, studying them intently and weighing up their power levels. “… I guess these are you and Chichi.” His eyes settled on the dark-haired man, whose power level was significantly high for a human. What the hell…?  
“Yeah this is Pipi and I’m Boxas.” The blue-haired man introduced himself. “Sorry to gate-crash, I was going to host this party in my own universe but then Raidisha suggested that we come here and meet you guys.”  
“Oh, that sounds like fun!” Bulma beamed.  
“Yeah – because that way we don’t have to clean up, right Boxas?” The remaining girl smiled at him.  
“Shut up, Goka.” Boxas growled.

Bulma moved her eyes to Boxas.  
“Huh… So… you’re me?” She began.  
“Yeah…” Boxas smirked at her. “Bulma, right? I can tell you’re me by how good-looking you are, you’re the best looking girl I’ve seen in a long time!”  
“Jerk.” Yasa snarled.  
“Hey.” Vegeta took his eyes off Pipi and motioned for Yasa to join him, and held out a beer to her. “It’s not gonna get any better than this, you might as well just sit here and watch while he spends the whole night hitting on Frikiza.”  
“Frikiza? Dammit! What the hell is _she_ doing here!” Yasa growled and went to sit next to Vegeta at the kitchen table, snatching the beer off him. “That’s put me in a bad mood.” She sighed angrily and looked at him. “So anyway… how have you been?”  
“I married a whore.” Vegeta answered bluntly. “And apparently so did my dad, and unless you’re going to tell me that your life’s been even worse than mine I suggest you just shut up and drink.”  
“I live with Nanapa.” Yasa stated.  
“Haha! Well that’s cheered me up!” Vegeta grinned and took a swig of his beer. “So hey – what’s the deal with that Pipi guy’s power level? Why is he so strong?”  
“Oh.” Yasa smirked. “He lives with Raidisha, and she kind of wants to make him worthy of her kid sister. So, every morning she wakes up and fights him.”  
“Huh.” Vegeta uttered at looked at Pipi. “… You know if Chichi’s power level was that high Kakarot would never leave the house.”  
“Yeah, Raidisha says Karita and Pipi are kind of loud…” 

Meanwhile Bulma blushed as she looked at Boxas.  
“Well I was going to say the same to you!” She smirked in response to him. “You know I’ve got half a mind to divorce Vegeta and marry you right now!” Vegeta simply sat there, looking unimpressed as he listened to her.  
“Thanks.” Boxas said with a smirk and looked Bulma up and down, settling his eyes on her midsection. “… … Still carrying the baby weight, huh?”  
“What!” Bulma barked. Vegeta started to laugh.  
“Haha! Hey look at that, Bulma!” He grinned. “Even as a guy you’re still a goddamn bitch!”  
“You jerk! I ought to beat the crap out of you!” Bulma snarled, glaring at Boxas.  
“Please do, you could use the exercise.” Boxas replied. Bulma simply hissed at him.

Vegeta took his eyes off Bulma and Boxas for a moment to study the last female saiyan, who resembled Goku. Her hair was somewhat like Goku’s except it was longer; it flowed majestically down her back and stopped at her waist, just above the tail that was tied around her perfectly formed midsection. Her eyes were dark and wild, her lips soft and her form so womanly…  
“What the hell!” Vegeta gasped, staring at the girl. “Hey – Kakarot why is your girl better looking than mine!”  
“What? No she’s not!” Yasa snapped.  
“Oh, well that’s probably because I’m better looking than you, Vegeta.” Goku shrugged and started to drink another beer.  
“Goku! Stop drinking – it’s making you so rude!” Chichi scolded.  
“Haha but he’s right though!” Nanapa grinned and took hold of Goku’s arm, leering at him. “I could just lick you all over, Handsome! How about you come back home with me tonight?”

Goku looked up at Nanapa, and grimaced.  
“No thanks…” He uttered. “You look like Nappa in a wig. I think I’d rather take up Frieza’s offer.”  
“Rude.” Nanapa muttered angrily.  
“Haha!” Raidisha laughed. “Hey Kari-chan, look! He’s mean to people when he’s drunk too!”  
“Yeah… I guess it’s just a bad trait we have…” Goka replied, blushing in embarrassment. She looked at Goku. “So Frieza’s here? I never met him before – where is he?”  
“Oh he went off somewhere with Zarba and Frikiza, I’m not sure what happened to them.” Bulma answered.

Meanwhile Trunks and Goten were stood outside Bulma and Vegeta’s bedroom, peeking through a crack in the door and spying on the three individuals inside.  
“Oh, **_boys_**!” Zarba’s low moan could be heard from outside the room.  
“Mm Zarba, you are a bad girl aren’t you?” Frieza’s voice followed, then Cell’s,  
“I think you need to be punished some more!”  
“Haha! Hey Goten check it out – that’s how our parents made us!” Trunks grinned, watching the scene. Goten winced as he looked through the door.  
“But it looks painful! Why would they do that?” He gasped.  
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Trunks growled. “It might look painful but it can’t hurt really – I mean why would grown-ups want someone to hurt them?”  
“Yeah I guess you’re right…” Goten mumbled.

At that moment Gohan noticed the young boys and approached them, frowning disapprovingly.  
“Hey! Boys, what are you doing? Come away from there! You know if people are sleeping it’s rude to watch them” He scolded.  
“But they’re not sleeping, they’re –”  
“Uhhh, they’re snoring!” Trunks suddenly cut Goten off. “So it sounds like they’re talking but they’re not Goten, they’re asleep.”  
“Huh?” Goten blinked, looking at him questionably. Trunks leaned in to Goten and whispered,  
“ _Don’t tell him what they’re doing, otherwise he won’t let us watch! Just play along for now and we can come back later and see the rest of the show_!”  
“ _Oh, okay_!” Goten whispered back. Trunks looked at Gohan.  
“Sorry… I guess it is rude. We didn’t mean any harm.” He said apologetically. Gohan let out a sigh.  
“Well I guess it’s okay. Just come on, let’s get you boys out of here.” He led them away from the door.

Meanwhile the saiyan girls have moved into the living room with most of the other guests. There was a general party atmosphere with music playing and the karaoke machine going while Goku and Goka, also known as Karita, talked to each other about their childhoods. Their spouses were still in the kitchen, comparing lives with Bulma and Boxas.  
“Huh…” Chichi uttered, studying Pipi’s composure. He had a sort of fighter’s edge to him, kind of like the saiyans in her own universe. He was standing with his guard up subtly, and had a discreet reaction every time someone walked past the room. “You seem a lot stronger as a boy.”  
“Yeah well you’ve not had Raidisha living with you since your wedding day.” Pipi grumbled. “Every morning she wakes up and tries to kill me – she says it’s get tough or die.” He let out a sigh. “You know what? If she wants to make a saiyan husband out of me then fine, but she used to pull my eldest daughter out of school to train her – I can’t count how many times I’ve thrown Raidisha out!”  
“Wow, that sounds terrible…” Chichi mumbled, looking at him sympathetically.  
“Thanks, I guess…” Pipi replied. 

Back in the living room Karita looked at Goku.  
“Hey, so did you ride on that cloud when you were little?” She asked her male counterpart.  
“Oh, yeah, the Nimbus Cloud! You know I haven’t ridden him for years! I should call him!” Goku ran over to the window and opened it halfway then yelled into the night sky, “ _ **Flying Nimbus**_!” Krillin sweat dropped as he watched him.  
“Goku, you might wanna go outside –” Suddenly the Nimbus Cloud came soaring into the room, bursting through the entire space of the window and shattering the glass across the room. “… never mind.” Krillin uttered.

Karita looked at the cloud and grinned excitedly.  
“Hey, Nimbus! I haven’t seen you in forever!” She exclaimed and jumped onto the cloud only to fall straight through it. “Huh?”  
“Whoa!” Everyone in the room gasped in shock, wide-eyed.  
“Hey doesn’t that mean she isn’t pure-hearted?” Yamcha questioned.  
“Yeah…” Krillin blushed. “I wonder what she’s done…”  
“Huh?” Karita frowned in confusion. “I don’t get it – I used to ride this all the time when I was little!” She looked at Goku. “I didn’t know it only worked on children.”  
“It doesn’t… I used to ride if even after Gohan was born.” Goku said, also looking confused.  
“What? But… I don’t get it. You and me are the same person, right? So how come I can’t stay on it?” Karita questioned.  
“I don’t know… does being a girl make a difference?” Goku suggested.  
“Huh…” Krillin looked at the remaining female saiyans, and then at Karita. “Hey Goka, how old were you when you met your sister?”  
“Twelve.” Karita answered. “Frikiza dropped them off on Earth after she decided to be good, and we’ve all been friends ever since!” She turned her eyes to the saiyan women and grinned. “Right guys?”  
“Uh-huh…” The girls nodded, sweat dropping as they realised the missing link.  
“Yeah…. Goku I don’t think being a girl is the problem.” Krillin pointed at the saiyan women. “I think it’s being raised by saiyans that’s corrupted her.”  
“Huh!” Karita gasped.  
“Haha! Cool! We made Karita bad!” Raidisha grinned. Yasa and Nanapa both smirked.  
“Well we always did say we’d break her.” Nanapa sneered.  
“Guys, it’s not funny! You totally corrupted me!” Karita protested.  
“Sorry about that.” Raidisha replied carelessly. “But it suits you, it makes you look sexy.” She looked at Krillin and Yamcha. “Right boys?”  
“Uh… well…” Krillin uttered, blushing. Yamcha also blushed.  
“Uh…” He answered hesitantly. Goku took a swig of his beer and answered bluntly,  
“Yeah.” Everyone stared at him.

Meanwhile Trunks and Goten were walking back to the bedroom when they noticed Frieza, Cell and Zarba emerge.  
“Aww, dammit! We missed it!” Trunks sighed.  
“Trunks I’m kind of glad… it looked gross.” Goten replied.

Zarba ran a hand through her hair and let out a breathy sigh, smirking in satisfaction.  
“Thanks boys, I really needed that. It’s been a while since I had a good workout.” She said.  
“Nice phrasing.” Frieza smirked. “So you aren’t with Frikiza anymore?”  
“Nah. After she turned into a nice girl she kind of didn’t do it for my anymore… and she was never all that into me to begin with, so we decided to break it off.” Zarba answered.  
“That’s a shame. Well if you’re ever back in this universe…” Frieza began.  
“I’ll be sure to look you boys up.” Zarba winked. “See you later!” She walked off to find Frikiza.  
“You know if Zarbon was more like her maybe I’d want him around.” Cell stated. Frieza sighed.  
“He used to be… I guess after a few years the spark just dies.” He said with a look of genuine disappointment on his face. 

Back in the living room Zarba caught up with Frikiza.  
“Hey.” She greeted her.  
“Oh! Hi!” Frikiza beamed. “So what’s Cell like?”  
“Oh he’s a really nice guy, you’ll like him. Actually Frieza’s a lot nicer than he used to be.” Zarba replied. Frikiza smiled.  
“Oh, that’s good. So he got more gentle?” She asked. Zarba simply smirked.  
“Oh no.” She replied. “Frieza is _not_ gentle.”  
“Huh…?”

At that moment Cell approached the pair and looked down at Frikiza.  
“So – Frieza’s kid sister, huh?” He put his arm around her. “Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private and get to know each other?” Frikiza giggled and blushed.  
“I’m flattered, but… I already dated your counterpart, and it didn’t really work out.” She answered.  
“It didn’t? Why not?” Cell questioned.  
“Well… It was great when we met, I was trying to rehabilitate her because she was kind of a bad girl… and eventually she became a really good person, which is what I wanted, but I guess a part of me still likes the bad guys.” Frikiza sweat dropped. “Because when she became nice things kind of fizzled out between us.”  
“Oh. Well uh…” Cell smirked down at her, his eyes twinkling darkly. “I’m still bad. If you want I can be _really_ mean to you.” Frikiza blushed again.  
“Actually that sounds tempting… Really. I’d love to take you up on your offer, but…” Her blush grew deeper as she looked away. “The truth it… I kind of… already like someone else.”  
“Huh?” Zarba looked at her. “You never told me that! Who?”  
“I’ve said too much already!” Frikiza squealed and looked up to see Goku and Karita with the Nimbus Cloud. “Let’s go see what’s happening over there!”

Frikiza made her way over to the group, which now also consisted of Frieza, Piccolo and Vegeta. She was followed by Zarba and Cell.  
“Oh come on Karita, cheer up!” Nanapa reasoned, looking at the younger woman sympathetically. “I mean who wants to be pure-hearted anyway? It’s boring!”  
“Yeah but… Pipi always says he first fell in love with me when we were kids – well I was pure-hearted back then, so what if this makes him want to leave me?” Karita glumly replied.  
“What? Don’t be ridiculous, little sis! If Pipi was gonna leave you he would have done it by now – I mean he doesn’t need a cloud to tell him your true nature, right?” Raidisha reasoned.  
“I guess not…” Karita mumbled, feeling a little better.  
“Huh?” Raidisha looked up and smirked when she saw Frikiza. “Hey Freak-sama, you wanted to be a good girl, right? Well how about we put you to the test – why don’t you try getting on this thing?”  
“Huh? What is it?” Frikiza questioned. Vegeta snorted.  
“It’s a stupid cloud that only lets you ride it if you’re pure-hearted.” He growled.  
“Yeah so…” Frieza looked at her. “Frikiza, just warning you that you better fall through that thing. I don’t care how cute you are, there is no way that **any** relation of mine is made out of candyfloss!”  
“Okay, well we’ll see.” Frikiza replied and jumped onto the Nimbus Cloud… and she stayed on.  
“Hey Frieza, I guess you’ve got a relation that’s made out of candyfloss.” Vegeta smirked.  
“Shut up Vegeta.” Frieza growled.  
“Haha, wow!” Goku exclaimed with a large grin. “It’s weird seeing a nice version of Frieza!” He stood in front of Frikiza and the Nimbus, smiling at her as he took another swig of his beer. “It suits you being on that thing.”  
“You think so? Thanks.” Frikiza smiled, blushing slightly.

Meanwhile Yasa was looking away, her fists clenching as she spoke through gritted teeth.  
“We were enslaved by _her_? This is humiliating.” She growled.  
“Yeah I only asked her because I thought she would fall through it. I kind of feel like a weakling right now…” Raidisha mumbled.  
“Uh-huh.” Nanapa nodded, sweat dropping. 

Back in the kitchen Bulma was watching the scene closely.  
“Uh… So hey Chichi, you remember when you and Goku were kids and he used to take you out on his nimbus cloud?” She began.  
“Do I?” Chichi let out at sigh and reminisced with love-heart eyes. “Those were the best days of my life, it was like going on a magic carpet ride!”  
“Yeah well I wouldn’t hold those memories too close to your heart, because it looks like Aladdin’s found another princess.” Bulma said flatly.  
“Huh?” Chichi looked up to see Goku and Frikiza smiling at each other and happily chatting away. “ ** _Grrr_**... Goku!” She stormed over to him angrily. “What the hell is going on here?”  
“Oh – hey Chichi. I was just showing Frikiza how to ride the Nimbus – she looks cute on it, don’t you think?” Goku beamed.  
“No I do not!” Chichi yelled. “I can’t believe you’re taking another woman out on the Nimbus, that’s our thing!” She swung her arm out to hit him.  
“Hey!” Goku cried out and jumped up above the Nimbus to avoid her attack, then on his descent back to the ground he touched the cloud… and fell straight through it.

Everyone in the entire room gasped dramatically and froze on the spot, staring at Goku with wide eyes as they tried to comprehend what they had just witnessed.  
“Aw, _cool_ …” Vegeta smirked.  
“Haha! Look at that – Mr. Righteous finally fell though his high horse!” Frieza laughed, grinning in delight.  
“Haha! **Now** I’m having a good time!” Vegeta beamed.  
“Yeah!” Vegeta and Frieza both exclaimed and slapped each other a high five, before realising who they were cheering with. “… Hmph!” They folded their arms and turned away from each other, clenching their fists and blushing in embarrassment.  
“But I – I don’t get it!” Goku protested, staring at the Nimbus in shock. “This is my cloud! It’s been in my family since I was a little kid! How can I not be pure-hearted anymore?”  
“Hey Goku, kind of a shot in the dark here but maybe it’s because you killed a bunch of guys.” Piccolo answered from the corner of the room.  
“Yeah – like me.” Frieza said.  
“What! But – Trunks killed you! And I gave you a second chance!” Goku argued.  
“Right. Second chance. We both know you were secretly hoping I’d fail – and you _loved_ destroying me.” Frieza growled.  
“Yeah Goku, you know for a guy that’s supposed to be pure-hearted you kind of seem to enjoy watching people get hurt.” Cell commented. “I mean _really_ enjoy it. And I know I’m like that myself, but, you know… I’m not trying to ride a cloud.”  
“But –” Goku stammered.  
“And didn’t you kill your first victim when you were what, twelve? Thirteen? I didn’t even have my first kill until I was fifteen.” Frieza stated.  
“Yeah but –”  
“You know Goku?” Frieza interrupted him again, smirking nastily. “Where I come from, people with your track record tend to start up their own empire and enslave a bunch of saiyans.” He stared at the man and his eyes glowed in delight; he was enjoying every second of this.  
“Hey – Goku, don’t listen to them!” Krillin frowned. “They’re just trying to upset you!”  
“No, but… but… they’re right!” Goku gasped, wide-eyed. “Oh my God I’m a horrible person! Guys – I’ll make it up to you!” 

He suddenly leapt towards Frieza and Cell and threw himself onto his knees, staring up at them with wide, pleading eyes. “Just name it, I’ll do anything!”  
“Tch. Forget it Goku, there’s nothing we want from you.” Cell snorted.  
“What’s your gag reflex like?” Frieza questioned.  
“Frieza!” Cell protested, staring down at him disapprovingly.  
“Speak for yourself, I promised myself tonight that I was either going to kill him or fuck him. Ideally both.” Frieza replied.  
“No! Nu-uh, you are not _raping_ Kakarot!” Vegeta snarled. “You’ve already been warned about that!”  
“What – it’s not rape if he consents to it!” Frieza protested.  
“It’s statutory rape if he doesn’t know what he’s consenting to!” Vegeta argued. Frieza simply smirked, looking at Vegeta darkly.  
“Oh, he knows. If he didn’t he wouldn’t have fallen through the cloud.” He purred, and pointed at Goku. “ **That** is one filthy little monkey!”

Goku started to blush.  
“No I’m not! I mean… I know I can get a little edgy with Chichi, but… it’s not _that_ weird to take a frying pan into the bedroom with you, right?” He uttered. Everyone just stared at him, speechless. Eventually Krillin cleared his throat and spoke quietly and awkwardly,  
“Yeah Goku, it’s… it’s kind of weird.”  
“And I told you not to tell anybody about that!” Chichi yelled, her face scarlet red. She exhaled loudly and hit Goku as hard as she could, scrunching her eyes shut in embarrassment.  
“Hm. That’s quite a punch your wife’s got there, Goku.” Frieza remarked. “How about the three of us go somewhere more private and myself and Miss Beautiful Eyes can treat you like the bad boy you are?”  
“ _ **No**_!” Goku and Chichi simultaneously barked.  
“I’d rather stay evil, thanks.” Goku growled.  
“Suit yourself. Murderer.” Frieza muttered bitterly. 

Suddenly Karita looked up and noticed Frieza for the first time.  
“Huh…?” She approached him, and studied him curiously. “Hey – I forgot to ask, who’s this guy?”  
“Oh – that’s Frieza. You remember we told you about him, right?” Raidisha answered.  
“ _This_ is Frieza?” Karita replied and gave Frieza a long stare before her cheeks turned bright red. “Haha! He’s so cute!” She squealed.  
“What!” Frieza barked, insulted.  
“Really, the boys were terrorised by _this_?” Karita looked at Vegeta. “You must be so humiliated!”  
“Hey shut up, he was strong at the time!” Vegeta growled, glaring at her.  
“Strong? He’s adorable!” Karita exclaimed, causing everyone to start sniggering. 

Frieza blushed in embarrassment and glared at Karita.  
“Hey – shut the hell up, Monkey Girl!” He snarled. “Didn’t anybody ever tell you that looks can be deceiving? So why don’t you just apologise before I do some _real_ damage to you?”  
“And he talks so tough…” Karita giggled, blushing. She smirked at Frieza, her eyes twinkling darkly. “I wish you’d said that to me before I got married.”  
“Huh!” The saiyan girls choked.  
“Karita! Shut up!” Yasa scolded, clenching her fists. Frieza simply smirked.  
“Huh?” Karita blinked as she moved her eyes to Frieza’s arms, noticing the scaled skin that coated it. “Hey… your skin is different to Frikiza’s. Do you mind if I touch it?” She asked.  
“Hm? Oh…” Frieza answered. “Sure, go ahead. Hey why don’t you touch my legs and while you’re down there –”  
“ _ **Shut up**_!” Yasa roared, punching him hard before he could finish the sentence.

Karita started giggling.  
“It’s okay, Yasa. He can’t do anything to me – not with that power level.” She said.  
“Haha…” Vegeta sniggered.  
“Why you – I can do plenty!” Frieza argued.  
“Oh really? I don’t think so. In fact I bet I can make you run away from me right now.” Karita replied, brimming with confidence.  
“Ha! Your friends obviously haven’t told you all that much about me.” Frieza snorted. “I am the great Lord Frieza and I don’t run from anyone – and _especially_ not from foul-mouthed little monkeys like you!”  
“Yeah, but I bet I can still make you run.” Karita said.  
“Tch. Fine. I’ll tell you what, Sugarpie, if you can make me run from you I will _give_ you my entire empire.” Frieza challenged.  
“Okay! Deal, right?” Karita grinned.  
“Deal.” Frieza nodded.  
“Fine.”

Everyone watched as Frieza snorted at Karita and took a fighting stance, tapping his foot impatiently when she didn’t move.  
“Well, come on then. Scare me away.” He growled.  
“Sure.” Karita approached him. “But first… give me your hand.”  
“What?” Frieza blinked. “Why?”  
“What? You’re not scared already are you?” Karita teased.  
“Tch! No!” Frieza huffed and obediently held out his hand.  
“Thanks…” Karita uttered. She looked at him darkly, her saiyan eyes becoming engulfed in a fierce energy as she slowly ran her tongue along her teeth, her glistening lips slightly parted as she spoke, “Because we both know… it’s me that should be scared, right…?”  
“Huh…?” Frieza sweat dropped. Karita took hold of his hand and raised it to her lips, then without taking her gaze off Frieza she slowly sucked one of his fingers, her hot breath sending sparks through his skin. She looked at him wickedly and her lips moved into a small, teasing smirk before she lowered herself to her knees and stared up at him with large innocent eyes and parted lips, then she slowly uttered in a timid but sexy voice,  
“Please don’t hurt me, _Lord Frieza_ …”

All the men in the room froze, staring at the scene with open mouths.  
“Oh my God…” Vegeta whimpered. Frieza paused for a moment, trying to control himself before he finally squealed,  
“I have to go to the bathroom!” And he bolted out of the room.  
“Haha! I did it!” Karita grinned triumphantly, jumping onto her feet.  
“Alright! Good job, Kari-chan!” Raidisha cheered.  
“And **that** is why she fell through the Nimbus Cloud!” Yamcha announced.  
“Yeah – Hey uh, Goka? Can you make me run away next?” Krillin asked with a dirty grin.  
“Oh – sure!” Karita beamed and approached him. “Well…” She leaned over and held her lips against his ear, whispering to him. “You know… the demon king, Piccolo?”  
“Uh… yeah?” Krillin uttered, wondering where she was going with this.  
“Well… he’s been alive this whole time, and his power level is even higher than Goku’s, and…” Karita gasped loudly, her eyes widening. “Oh my God! Krillin – he’s right behind you!”  
“Aiiiiiiiiiii!” Krillin screamed and raced out of the room in fear.  
“Haha!” Karita grinned.  
“Tch! What a loser.” Vegeta snorted. The other saiyan girls started to laugh.  
“Hey Karita, that was kind of mean.” Nanapa sniggered.  
“Well he’s a married man, he shouldn’t have asked me to do it.” Karita shrugged.  
“Yeah and if his wife ever finds out, he’ll have bigger things to worry about than King Piccolo returning.” Yamcha added.  
“Tch. Yeah right. Like he’s going to show up here.” Piccolo suddenly piped up, seemingly unaffected by Karita’s display.  
“Huh?” Frikiza looked over at Piccolo and blushed slightly. “Oh… You… don’t think he will?”  
“Hm?” Piccolo looked at her with a puzzled frown. 

Before Frikiza could answer Frieza came storming back into the room, his face filled with rage.  
“You bitch!” He roared at Karita. “You can’t use your looks against me, that’s totally unfair!”  
“Fair?” Karita frowned at him. “Well was it fair when you killed King Vegeta and blew up his planet?”  
“Thank you!” Vegeta exclaimed.  
“Hey – just because I’m not fair to other people it doesn’t mean I don’t get really pissed off when they aren’t fair to me!” Frieza snapped.

Wondering what all the fuss was about, Boxas and Pipi entered the room and joined the group.  
“Oh, well I’m sorry…” Karita replied and smirked at Frieza. “Want to punish me for it? I bet that tail of yours gives a _really_ good whip.” She winked at him, and Pipi’s eyes widened. Frieza smirked at Karita, folding arms.  
“Well, if you insist –”  
“ _ **No she doesn’t**_!” Pipi cried, grabbing Karita. He glared at her. “Will you stop joking around!” Pipi yelled. “You’re gonna get yourself in trouble one day if you keep doing that – Raidisha she learnt this off you, you know! When I first met Goka she was nice!”  
“Ah stop your whining, Karita would never cheat on you!” Raidisha scolded.  
“Yeah but supposing she does it with the wrong guy someday and they decide to –” Pipi gritted his teeth, stopping himself. “Just forget it! We’re leaving!”  
“Tch. What a drag.” Nanapa snorted. “I didn’t even get to play with Raidisha’s kid brother.”  
“I never would have let you.” Goku said.  
“Too bad Nanapa, he was pretty cute.” Yasa commented. “Let’s go.” She grabbed hold of Boxas and the group started to leave with Boxas muttering angrily,  
“I knew we should have thrown this party in our universe…”

Just after they had gone there was another knock on the door.


	9. Piccolo's Dad

After the saiyan women’s departure everything had died down. Chichi and Bulma were back in the kitchen while everyone else was in the living room. Krillin and Yamcha were talking about the night so far.  
“So those girls sure were something, huh?” Krillin began, taking a swig of his beer.  
“Haha, yeah! It’s kind of weird to know how beautiful we’d all be as women.” Yamcha grinned.  
“I know, right? Especially Goku!” Krillin laughed and called over, “Hey Goku, do you ever think about becoming a woman?” Yamcha started laughing along with him. Goku approached the pair and drank his beer.  
“Yeah, sometimes.” He shrugged.

Krillin and Yamcha stopped laughing and looked at him. Vegeta walked past just as Goku continued his response, “But then I figure, I kind of like my body as it is now, and if I ever really wanted to get with Vegeta I’d just do it, I wouldn’t try to dress up as a girl first.” Krillin and Yamcha just stared at him, stunned.   
“So, uh… Kakarot.” Vegeta uttered. “We uh… we got something we need to talk about?”  
“Nope. Believe me if I ever decide to make use of your mouth Vegeta, it won’t be for talking.” Goku answered, and casually took another swig of his beer.

Meanwhile Bulma and Chichi were in the kitchen happily chatting away when Vegeta came racing in, enraged.  
“Okay – you guys have **got** to stop giving Kakarot beer! He just threatened to violate me!” He yelled angrily.  
“Pff! Yeah, right!” Bulma snorted.  
“You know just because he fell through that cloud it doesn’t mean he’s that horrible, Vegeta!” Chichi barked. “I can’t believe you would make up such a story – even for you that’s low!”   
“I didn’t make it up, Woman! I am telling you he **cannot** have anything else to drink!” Vegeta roared.   
“Huh?” Bulma stared at him intently, looking deep into his eyes, and she suddenly gasped. “Oh my God! Vegeta’s telling the truth!”   
“What!” Chichi screamed.  
“Yeah – Goku really said that to him! That’s so weird!” Bulma cried.  
“I know! What the hell kind of beer are you serving him, Bulma!” Vegeta barked.  
“Well… he’s obviously a lightweight, just ignore him.” Bulma shrugged.  
“Yeah, he doesn’t mean it. Give him a break.” Chichi frowned.  
“Give him a break? Did you not hear me just now? He threatened to sexually assault me!” Vegeta protested. Bulma snorted.   
“Yeah well it’s the best offer you’re gonna get all night Vegeta so if I were you I’d go for it.”  
“ _ **Grrrrr**_!”

Meanwhile Trunks answered the door to see a tall, dark, evil-looking namekian stood there.  
“Uh… Hi. Are you here for the party?” He asked.   
“Is Goku here?” The namek demanded, glaring at him.  
“Yeah but he’s a little drunk, so if he says anything bad to you don’t take it personally –” Before Trunks could say another word the namek pushed him out of the way and walked past. “Ow!” Trunks cried and glared at the namek, shouting after him, “Jerk!”

Back in the living room Krillin approached Piccolo and sweat dropped.   
“Wow… that kind of freaked me out when that Goka girl said your dad was coming back, Piccolo. I feel kind of embarrassed…” He mumbled.  
“What the hell did you get so scared for? He’s not coming here.” Piccolo growled.  
“Oh – yeah he is, I invited him.” Frieza piped up as he walked past.  
“What!” Piccolo exclaimed.  
“What! Frieza – what the hell did you do that for!” Krillin protested.  
“Seriously? Are you really asking me that?” Frieza looked at him. “Well maybe it’s the fact that this party needs livening up a little, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m a huge shit stirrer, or perhaps even both. I mean why are you so surprised that _**I**_ would invite the embodiment of evil here?” He let out a frustrated sigh. “This is why nobody likes you, Krillin.”  
“Yeah but Frieza that’s seriously not cool, that guy is dangerous!” Goku insisted, overhearing the conversation.   
“Oh Goku don’t be ridiculous. You were a child when you defeated him so I’m sure that by now you could pretty much just lick him and he would die.” Frieza argued.  
“… Huh. Yeah I guess you’re right. I guess he’s not much of a threat anymore.” Goku shrugged.  
“… So.” Frieza uttered, eyeing him up. “Destroying a guy with your tongue. That sound like something you can get on board with?”  
“ _ **No**_! And stop asking!” Goku snapped.   
“Bitch.” Frieza growled.

Suddenly King Piccolo approached the group.  
“Good evening, gentlemen.” He said with a sinister smirk. Krillin and Goku stared at him wide-eyed, while Piccolo remained silent, completely uncomfortable. Frieza looked between Piccolo and King Piccolo, smirking in glee.   
“Oh, well isn’t this nice!” He grinned. “It’s so delightfully awkward.”  
“Uh… Father –” Piccolo uttered.  
“Awkward? No Frieza, this isn’t awkward.” King Piccolo interrupted him. “This is wonderful.” He grinned at the younger namek and opened his arms out wide. “Son! It’s so wonderful to finally meet you face to face!”  
“Oh. Okay.” Piccolo blinked. “You’re not mad at me?”  
“Mad at you? At my own flesh and blood? No, of course not!” King Piccolo beamed. “Now come here, my child!” He grabbed Piccolo and pulled him into a tight hug, his arm pressing against Piccolo’s throat. “Ahhh the years I’ve spent longing to do this to my greatest offspring – you know I put more energy into you than any of the others. I mean really, every last bit of energy in my body went into creating you my son.”  
“Th-Thanks Dad but I…” Piccolo choked, trying to pull away from the demon king’s grasp. “I can’t breathe. Can you loosen your grip a little?”  
“No… No Son, I can’t do that…” King Piccolo answered sincerely. “So hey I noticed you were just stood here talking to Goku! Best friends, right? Yeah okay so I guess you decided not to kill him after all, it’s understandable I mean it’s not like that was your _**sole**_ purpose in life! By the way you might not have noticed but I’m _**really fucking angry at you**_!”

Piccolo pulled away and glared at King Piccolo defensively.  
“Listen you don’t get it – a lot of stuff has happened since your demise.”  
“Yeah, you getting weird with Goku’s son for one thing!” King Piccolo snarled. “So why are you keeping Goku alive, are you waiting for the right moment to ask for the father’s permission or something?”  
“What! No!” Piccolo gasped. “Those allegations were never proven!”   
“Tch.” King Piccolo snorted. “Well at least that’s something, I always did think that kid was beneath you.”   
“Giggity.” Krillin squeaked.

King Piccolo looked at his son.  
“So… come on then. Who are you dating? Is she here? Hey I bet she’s beautiful – you know as my reincarnation you’ve got that badass thing going on, girls love that.” He grinned. “… Don’t they? Don’t girls love that?”  
“I wouldn’t know, I’m not interested in that stuff. I’m not dating anyone Father, and I never have.” Piccolo answered.  
“What? Oh – dammit Junior are you of any use to me at all!” King Piccolo roared.  
“Why do you want him to have a girlfriend?” Goku questioned.   
“Oh, it – it’s nothing. I just…” King Piccolo looked away, blushing. “Thought maybe… maybe he could give me some advice on… Hey!” He glared at Goku. “What’s it got to do with you anyway? You might have grown up a little but you’re still a little runt!”  
“Wait.” Piccolo looked at him. “You want a girlfriend?”  
“No! No I don’t want a girlfriend per se, it’s just…” King Piccolo blushed again. “Well we’re doing this rehabilitation thing in hell and… basically if you manage to convince them you’ve become nice they let you go to the amusement park…” Piccolo remained silent and simply stared at his father in disbelief.  
“Aww, that sounds like fun!” Krillin smiled.  
“Shut up Krillin.” Piccolo growled. King Piccolo continued,   
“Anyway so they put me with this counsellor – she’s a complete sap but she uh… you know… she kind of… has nice eyes. And nice skin, and she smells nice…” His face grew darker with every word he spoke.  
“Awwww.” Goku smiled.  
“Well isn’t that cute!” Krillin grinned.  
“No it’s not cute!” Piccolo barked and looked at King Piccolo. “Father – do you seriously want to date a girl that spends her days making people good?”

Suddenly Frieza grew wide-eyed as a chilling realisation dawned on him.  
“Hey shut up, Kid!” King Piccolo snarled. “Do you really think you have the right to judge me right now? You’re a complete failure – you can’t even give dating advice! What the hell have you been doing in your time on Earth if you haven’t been dating women or killing Goku!”  
“… I’ve been not dating women or killing Goku.” Piccolo answered.

Goku looked at King Piccolo and grinned enthusiastically.   
“Hey don’t worry King Piccolo, I’ll help you out. Maybe I can get back on the Nimbus if I do this for you.”  
“Go to hell Goku, the last person I want help from is you.” King Piccolo growled.  
“Aw, come on! I’m good at girls – I have a wife now, and two kids! I’m really happily married, surely I can give you _some_ good advice?” Goku pleaded.  
“Tch. Fine. But I’m only listening to humour you.” King Piccolo grunted.  
“Okay that’s fine.” Goku nodded. “So – first of all you want to meet her as early as possible, you know – get her hooked on you before she’s got a chance to meet anyone else who can really make her happy. Then you need to promise to marry her, but you don’t really take that seriously at the time, you’re just saying whatever you can because you think there might be food involved. Then just leaving her hoping for a few years – you know, dreaming about you and hoping that one day you’ll keep your word and marry her – and you’re gonna want to visit her for like ten minutes from time to time, to make sure she doesn’t actually find someone else. Then once you’re married that’s when you can devote a little more time to her – but not too much! I mean still go out and train at all hours and make plans without asking her first, she’ll totally love that. And finally – and this is what they _really_ love – offer to sacrifice yourself in some grand gesture to save your family and friends. I mean you’re leaving her but you’re doing it for her sake so she’ll understand – but before you do that make sure you get her pregnant so that as well as dealing with the grief of losing her husband, she’s also got a kid to raise all by herself.” He took a swig of his beer. “You do that and I guarantee she’ll be into you forever.”

The entire group fell silent and just stared at him.  
“… Wow.” King Piccolo uttered. “And they say I’m the embodiment evil.”  
“Yeah…” Krillin mumbled. “Goku, how have we never noticed that you’re a huge jerk?”  
“Well anyway – that method isn’t really going to help me. I don’t want to drag this thing out, “I just want to make her like me in one evening.” King Piccolo said.  
“Listen just who is this girl anyway? I mean, you said she’s your counsellor?” Piccolo looked at him.  
“Yeah that’s right.” King Piccolo nodded and let out a sigh. “She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She’s got this really soft-looking pink skin, and these scarlet eyes and black lips… and she’s just really cute, you know? I mean she could just be my little pet – she even has a tail!”  
“… uh-huh.” Piccolo uttered. He glanced at Frieza, and Frieza looked back, unimpressed. “Hey.” Piccolo moved his eyes to King Piccolo and pushed Frieza towards him. “Does she look like this guy?”  
“Actually yeah!” King Piccolo gasped. “Hey Frieza I didn’t know Frikiza was your sister. That’s neat, huh?” Frieza didn’t answer; he just stared at him flatly.  
“Oh, _**hell**_ no!” Piccolo yelled. “Father you cannot date her!”  
“What! How dare you tell me what I can and cannot do – I created you, you little punk!” King Piccolo snarled.  
“Piccolo.” Frieza said, glancing at the younger namek. “This ends _now_ or I swear I will rip your father into little pieces and use him to decorate Zarbon’s corpse.”  
“Trust me Frieza you don’t have to start running your mouth, it’s not like I want my father to date the female version of **you**!” Piccolo growled.

King Piccolo looked around the room, his eyes searching for Frikiza.  
“Yeah so anyway I wasn’t going to come here tonight, but then I heard she was coming so I figured I could just come and pretend I didn’t know she was going to be here.” He said. “You know, play it cool. That’s what girls like, right? I mean is that what you kids do? Play it cool?”  
“… You’re embarrassing.” Piccolo stated. King Piccolo ignored him, still looking around.  
“So anyway if I see her I’m just going to act natural and – _**aii**_!” He suddenly screamed. “There she is!” He wailed, pointing towards Frikiza. “Oh dammit! Okay.” He turned towards his group. “Okay guys just be cool, just be cool. Hey Junior is she looking?” Piccolo looked past his father at Frikiza.   
“Uh –”  
“ _ **Don’t look**_ you imbecile! Just tell me if she’s looking!” King Piccolo roared.  
“How the hell am I supposed to do that if you won’t let me see her!” Piccolo protested.  
“Dammit Junior just sense her vision or something!” King Piccolo yelled. “Why do I have to –”   
“Hey she’s coming over.”  
“ _ **Aii**_!” King Piccolo screamed again.

Frikiza approached the group.  
“Hey guys.” She smiled.   
“Heyyyy Frikiza, I didn’t know you were going to be here! What are the odds!” King Piccolo grinned.  
“Oh my God this is so embarrassing…” Piccolo uttered, hiding his face in shame.  
“I’m here for you, Buddy.” Krillin said and put a hand on Piccolo’s back. Piccolo jerked his head towards Krillin and growled at him with gritted teeth, giving Krillin a cold, deathly glare that made the smaller man shrink. “… I’m just… just gonna…” Krillin removed his hand from Piccolo’s back. “… take this off here, and uh… go and get a drink.”  
“Yeah! You do that!” Piccolo snapped, and Krillin walked away.

Frikiza turned to Frieza and smiled.  
“Hey Frieza.” She beamed.  
“Hey.” Frieza muttered angrily. Frikiza noticed Goku and gasped.  
“Oh! She looked at King Piccolo. “You’re talking with the guy that defeated you? That’s a huge step, Piccolo! It really shows your progress in your rehabilitation!”  
“Huh? Oh, uh… yeah. Yeah, we’re talking.” King Piccolo put his arm around Goku and grinned. “We’re really close now, right Goku?”  
“… Are you hitting on me?” Goku asked.  
“What! No!” King Piccolo protested.  
“Sorry, sorry. It’s just that Frieza’s been hitting on me all night and I’m kind of on edge now.” Goku said and took another mouthful of beer. “… Still I’d rather do you than Frieza.”  
“What!” Frieza choked. “Oh my God Goku, do you know how insulting that is? Seriously you would rather do a _namek_ instead of me! And it’s not even like he’s one of the good looking ones – I mean if it was Piccolo Junior I could almost understand!”  
“… Hey.” Piccolo looked at Frieza. “We got something we need to discuss?”  
“Oh don’t worry about it, you’re only my plan B if things don’t go anywhere with Goku or Bulma.” Frieza shrugged.  
“… Yeah… that’s still not cool with me.” Piccolo said.  
“I wasn’t planning on giving you a choice.” Frieza replied.

Frikiza sweat dropped.  
“Well anyway…” She looked at King Piccolo. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to get a drink, but if you’re busy with your son and Goku –”  
“No, it’s okay!” King Piccolo gasped. “I mean – my son and I are telepathically linked so I know all that he’s been up to and Goku – Goku has to leave. He has to uh… kill someone.”  
“What? That is the first thing you go to!” Goku cried. “Is that really how people see me!”  
“Yep.” Frieza nodded.  
“Pretty much.” Piccolo replied.  
“That’s it, Goku.” Frieza said. “Superman hates kryptonite, Batman beats people up and leaves them for dead in a bad part of town, and Son Goku just plain kills people.”  
“But I don’t do it for fun! I do it to protect people!” Goku protested and looked at King Piccolo. “Piccolo – you wanted to raise an army of demons to destroy the Earth!”  
“Those ‘demons’ were my children Goku, and you killed them!” King Piccolo snarled. “And I wanted to make the Earth a fun place for my children to live in, is that so terrible?”  
“But you wanted to do that at the cost of my friends’ lives!” Goku argued.  
“Yeah and you wanted to make the world a fun place for you and your friends at the cost of my family’s lives! Who are you to decide which side is more worthy?” King Piccolo frowned. Goku remained silent, struggling to think of a comeback. “That’s right.” King Piccolo smirked. “Now. I think there’s a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere, so you know… Why don’t you run off and kill the tree?” Goku paused for a moment, then threw his beer over King Piccolo.  
“Jerk!” He growled, and stormed off.

King Piccolo wiped his face, glaring after Goku.  
“Little brat…” He seethed.  
“Piccolo…” Frikiza uttered softly, putting a warm hand on King Piccolo’s shoulder, which caused the demon king to freeze on the spot.  
“… uh…” He choked, and looked at her. Frikiza smiled at him brightly.  
“I think you handled that really well. I’m proud of you!” She beamed. King Piccolo blushed.  
“Yeah, well uh… he… He’s having a rough night so I uh… decided to go easy on him. You know, be the bigger person.” He said.  
“It’s good to see you like that.” Frikiza smiled.  
“Oh my God… This is sickening.” Frieza muttered.  
“Yeah I know…” Piccolo sighed.  
“You’re soaking wet though – wait there!” Frikiza suddenly ran off into the kitchen, and came back with a towel. She held it out to King Piccolo and offered him another warm smile. “Here.”  
“Thanks…” King Piccolo uttered and started to wipe his face and neck. Frikiza watched him and started to blush, which made Frieza glare at her angrily.

Frikiza looked at King Piccolo.  
“So, you wanna go grab a drink now?” She asked.  
“ _ **Yeah**_!” King Piccolo exclaimed excitedly, and suddenly composed himself. “I – I mean… yeah sure, whatever. I’m actually thinking about leaving.” Piccolo cringed in embarrassment, turning away from his father.   
“Well, don’t go just yet okay? I have to run to the bathroom – I’ll be back in a second.” Frikiza said.  
“Okay – One!” King Piccolo grinned with too much enthusiasm. “Haha! Haha I was just joking, you go on ahead but don’t be too long. Please. Haha just a joke, take your time _but don’t be too long_!”  
“Okay.” Frikiza sweat dropped and walked away.

King Piccolo waited for her to leave and suddenly turned back to Piccolo and Frieza and started hyperventilating, his eyes wide as he struggled to calm himself.  
“Way to go Dad, you really played it cool. I’m pretty sure she has no idea you’re into her.” Piccolo said sarcastically. King Piccolo exhaled, and smirked smugly.  
“Yeah I was pretty smooth wasn’t I? Haha!” He patted Piccolo on the back. “Watch and learn, Son! Your old man is a master! Tell her I’ll meet her in the kitchen.” He walked away, still smirking to himself.  
“… Piccolo.” Frieza uttered. “If that loser so much as _touches_ my sister I’m going to annihilate both of you.”  
“Shut up, I’ll take care of it!” Piccolo snarled, and there was a knock on the door.


	10. Vegeta's Brother

Bulma opened the door to see Tarble and Gure standing there.  
“Oh, Tarble! Gure! I’m so glad you could make it!” She beamed.  
“Thanks for the invite Bulma, sorry we’re late.” Tarble said.  
“These are for you!” Gure smiled, handing Bulma a bouquet of flowers.  
“Oh thanks, they’re beautiful!” Bulma exclaimed and started to lead them inside. “Let’s get you guys a drink – by the way if Vegeta’s mean to you just ignore him, he’s been in a bad mood all night –”  
“Tarble!” King Vegeta’s voice suddenly interrupted her, and Tarble looked up to see his mother and father stood behind Bulma, looking angry.  
“… Hey Vegeta. It’s that kid you said you’d take care of.” Turnipa seethed, staring at Tarble.  
“Well I did, didn’t I? He didn’t grow up on Planet Vegeta!” King Vegeta protested.  
“You said you’d killed him!” Turnipa roared.  
“Well I put him in a space pod and sent him straight into a meteorite shower, I was pretty sure he’d be braindead at least!” King Vegeta frowned. “What difference does it make anyway? Either way we never had to see him again.”  
“We’re seeing him now!” Turnipa growled.

Tarble sweat dropped.  
“Uh… Mother –”  
“Save it, kid. Are you a super saiyan?” Turnipa demanded, cutting him off. Tarble looked at the floor and humbly shook his head.  
“No…” He answered.  
“Well then I’m not interested!” Turnipa snapped.  
“But my power level is much higher now than it was when I was born!” Tarble protested, looking up at his parents.  
“So what? You grew up. I’m sure it’s still nothing compared to the average royal saiyan of your age.” King Vegeta snarled. Tarble looked at the floor again.  
“I’m… sorry to be such a disappointment to you…”  
“Tarble, you don’t have to apologise for anything!” Bulma frowned and glared at King Vegeta and Turnipa. “How can you guys be so cruel? He’s your son!” She yelled.  
“Yeah well based on what I’ve heard tonight there’s a good chance he isn’t.” King Vegeta replied.  
“What!” Turnipa barked. “I already told you – aside from when we went on a break before Vegeta was born I have been _completely_ faithful to you!”  
“You know what, Turnipa? You could have just lied and said he’s Nappa’s kid – now I have to be responsible for this piece of crap.” King Vegeta growled.  
“No you don’t.” Turnipa said. “We left him before, we can leave him again.” And without a moment’s hesitation she and King Vegeta flew outside.

Tarble remained standing there, looking sad. Bulma offered him a sympathetic smile and put her arm around him.  
“Don’t worry, Tarble. Your parents are jerks, you’re better off not knowing them.” She soothed.  
“Thanks…” Tarble mumbled.  
“Let’s get you guys a drink, I’m sure your brother will be happy to see you.” Bulma said enthusiastically.   
“Okay…”

Back in the kitchen Vegeta and Raditz were drinking beer when Bulma walked in with Tarble and Gure.  
“Hey Vegeta! Look who it is!” She grinned. Vegeta looked up, stared at Tarble and Gure for a moment, and then turned to Bulma.  
“Are you trying to piss me off?” He growled, causing Tarble to look disappointed.  
“No!” Bulma frowned. “He’s your brother and he’s come to see you! Say hi!” Vegeta let out a sigh and looked at his brother.  
“Hi Tarble. Gure. Isn’t this nice?” He said sarcastically.

Raditz looked up and grinned.  
“Aw Vegeta, is this your kid brother? Haha that’s so cool!” He exclaimed. “We gotta undress him and make him throw up on this place!”  
“No, Raditz. We really do not have to do that.” Vegeta growled.  
“Ahhhhh come on it’ll be fun!” Raditz put an arm around Tarble. “Hey kid – you ever been tied to a lamppost before?”  
“Yeah, once. By some bullies at my school.” Tarble answered honestly, his face sinking as he recalled the experience. Raditz stared at Tarble, annoyed that he wouldn’t be the first person to do that.  
“… Vegeta I fucking hate your brother.” Raditz grumbled and threw his beer over Tarble before leaving the room.

Meanwhile in the living room Piccolo, Krillin, Frieza and Goku were watching as King Piccolo attempted to dance with Frikiza, completely out of sync with her and with no rhythm whatsoever.   
“Oh my God this is so embarrassing…” Piccolo groaned, hiding his face in shame. “He’s supposed to be the evil side of Kami, why is he such a douche!”  
“Hey Piccolo I was meaning to ask you about that…” Krillin began. “I mean, are you just King Piccolo’s son or are you actually his reincarnation? Because – if you’re his reincarnation, how can you be here at the same time as him?”   
“I… I don’t know Krillin, maybe this whole night was all about humiliating me.” Piccolo answered bitterly.   
“Nah I’m pretty sure it’s Vegeta that’s being targeted.” Goku answered and took a swig of his beer. “You’re just gravy.” Piccolo glared at him.  
“Thanks Goku, I…” His eyes suddenly widened when he saw King Piccolo’s next move. “ _Oh my God_ he’s trying to moonwalk!”

The others started laughing, watching King Piccolo in amusement.  
“Haha, that’s hilarious! He totally can’t do it!” Krillin grinned.  
“Shut up, Krillin!” Piccolo snarled. “Dammit – where the hell is Vegeta’s father? I need him here to take the attention off my dad – I bet he dances like an epileptic under strobe lights.”  
“Harsh.” Krillin uttered.  
“Piccolo, relax.” Goku smiled. “I think it’s great that your dad met a girl – I mean she really seems to be making a breakthrough with him, he’s not tried to kill me once tonight.”  
“Yes, I agree with you Goku.” Frieza said with a sinister smirk. “You know… it’s really nice to see a poor misguided soul like King Piccolo with a pure-hearted person like her. I mean really – he’s had a rough life, so it’s nice that a good-natured person is finally taking a chance on him rather than just killing him at the first opportunity they get –”  
“ _ **Go to hell Frieza**_!” Goku roared.  
“I’ll see you there, Hitler.” Frieza sniped back.

Piccolo had his eyes closed, cringing at the thought of his father’s dancing.  
“Has he stopped? Has he stopped dancing yet?” He asked the group.  
“Yeah he’s stopped.” Krillin answered. “He’s coming over – uh… without her.”  
“Big surprise, she ditched him.” Piccolo grunted, opening his eyes.  
“I don’t think so… she looks kind of disappointed.” Krillin mumbled.  
“Huh?” Piccolo frowned.

King Piccolo joined the group and offered them a wide grin.   
“Hey boys, how it hanging?” He greeted them. “Just been laying down some moves with my baby boo, keeping it real… … That’s how you kids talk today, right?”  
“ _ **No**_.” Piccolo seethed.  
“Why’d you leave her? She looks kind of sad.” Goku said, looking over at Frikiza.   
“Ah she’ll be fine, I’m just playing it cool. I told her I wanted some time with the guys – you know, keep her wanting more?” King Piccolo winked.  
“Oh my God…” Piccolo cringed. 

Vegeta joined the group and listened as King Piccolo continued to talk.  
“By the way if she asks any of you guys, I told her I’m thirty-seven. So… stick with that.”  
“Thirty-seven? That’s quite a specific number.” Krillin commented.   
“Yeah well I figured it’s old enough for me to have a kid, but still young enough for her to think I’m datable, because I’m not quite forty yet and still have most of my life ahead of me.” King Piccolo reasoned.  
“Huh.” Krillin uttered.  
“Good plan.” Goku nodded, and drank.  
“Piccolo… Not that I am giving you any permission whatsoever to date my sister, but you really don’t have to worry about your age. She’s a little older than thirty-seven herself.” Frieza said.

Vegeta looked at him.  
“How old are you anyway?” He asked curiously.   
“How old do you think I am?” Frieza replied.   
“Well there’s about thirty years between me and my father, and I know you’re a little older than him, so…” Vegeta shrugged. “Eighty?” Frieza smirked.  
“I’m flattered, Vegeta… But I’m a little older than eighty.” He said.  
“You are?” Vegeta looked at him. “How old?”  
“Well, you’ve heard of the Big Bang, right?” Frieza began.  
“Yeah?” Vegeta replied.  
“That was me.” Frieza stated.  
“… Huh. Okay.” Vegeta took a swig of his beer. “You’ve aged well, you really don’t look that old.” He said.  
“Yeah because I’m **not**!” Frieza cried. “Oh my God Vegeta I was joking – you think I’m older than the _**universe**_? Do you realise how insulting that is! I mean – it’s not even possible, you’ve met my father and older brother – how the hell could I have been born before them?”  
“Wow. I had no idea you were so sensitive about your age, Frieza.” Vegeta remarked.  
“I’m not sensitive about my age Vegeta, but I challenge you to find _anyone_ that isn’t the slightest bit insulted when they get accused of being thirteen billion years old!” Frieza screamed.  
“Look Frieza I’m sorry I –”  
“Forget it, Vegeta! Just… Just don’t talk to me ever again!” Frieza snapped, and he angrily stormed off.  
“Looks like I touched a nerve.” Vegeta said with a smirk.  
“That’s what I want to do to his sister.” King Piccolo remarked.  
“Please don’t repeat that.” Piccolo groaned.

Back in the kitchen Frieza was sat at the table with his arms folded, sulking.  
“So… you killed my father, huh?” Tarble uttered, staring at the icejin cautiously.   
“Yes I did, and if you want to take revenge on me get in line.” Frieza grumpily replied.  
“I used to, but… tonight I met my father and he was really mean to me, so…” Tarble took a seat next to Frieza and looked at him. “What was it like?” He asked. Frieza smirked. 

Bulma moved her eyes to Frieza and frowned.  
“What’s wrong with you? You seem kind of mad.” She said, just as Vegeta walked in.  
“Oh nothing, it’s just that your husband thinks I was around at the beginning of time!” Frieza snarled.  
“Vegeta! That is so insulting!” Bulma gasped. “He’s obviously still young, I mean look how smooth his skin is! And his eyes, they’re so youthful and…” She blushed, stopping herself. “Well… you get the picture.”  
“Thanks, Bulma.” Frieza said and looked at her with a smirk. “You know this isn’t even my best looking form.”  
“Really…? Which one’s your best?” Bulma asked.  
“How about I show you?” Frieza winked.  
“And you wonder why I insulted you?” Vegeta growled. “Maybe if you stopped hitting on my wife I wouldn’t be so cruel to you – but I doubt it, seeing as you also murdered my father and blew up my planet!”  
“Oh my God Vegeta, would you stop going on about that?” Frieza groaned. “It happened years ago and it doesn’t even count as a valid planet kill, I was wasted at the time.”  
“What!” Vegeta cried.  
“Yeah I was totally off my face, I think I must have had Dodoria’s body weight in wine.” Frieza said. “When I woke up the next day I didn’t even know Planet Vegeta was gone until I saw you crying to yourself when you thought nobody was looking.”

Vegeta stared at him, speechless.  
“I – I…” He choked. “You… _**why the hell did you just tell me that**_!”  
“Oh come on, it’s not any worse than what you said.” Frieza argued.  
“Of **course** it is! I just called you old, I didn’t say that I destroyed your planet on a whim because I was drunk and I cared so little about it I didn’t even remember doing it the next day!” Vegeta roared.  
“… Huh. I guess my thing is worse.” Frieza uttered. “Haha!” He started to laugh.

Bulma and Chichi frowned at Frieza disapprovingly.   
“Monster.” Chichi hissed.  
“Yeah. Frieza… that’s really not nice.” Bulma growled.  
“Yeah well Bulma I’m not nice. I’m bad. Really bad.” Frieza shrugged.  
“How bad?” Bulma questioned, looking at him with interest. Frieza moved his eyes to Bulma and shot her a wicked glance.  
“ _Dangerous_.” He purred, causing Bulma to blush.  
“Thanks Bulma, you really came through for me there. You know he’s been hitting on pretty much everybody here tonight?” Vegeta growled.   
“Even you?” Bulma asked.  
“No not me, but… Actually – Hey!” Vegeta glared at Frieza. “Why am I the only one here you haven’t made a move on? What, am I not attractive or something?”  
“Huh? Oh… No, it’s not that, Vegeta.” Frieza answered. “Actually you’re not a bad-looking guy, it’s just… I’m not a paedophile.”  
“A paedophile? But Vegeta’s an adult.” Bulma replied.  
“Yeah, to you he is. He was already grown up when you met him, but I’ve known Vegeta since the day he was born, and he started living on my ship when he was five years old.” Frieza said. “Every time I look at him I just see him as a child… It’s so off-putting.”  
“Huh.” Bulma uttered. “Well maybe you should have a word with Piccolo and ask him how he got over it with Gohan.”  
“Nothing is going on between me and Gohan! Why does everybody think that!” Piccolo’s voice bellowed from outside the room. Bulma let out a sigh.  
“That’s a shame… Piccolo could really show the kid a good time.” She said sincerely.  
“That’s my son you’re talking about, Bulma.” Chichi growled.  
“Well I’m speaking out of _kindness_!” Bulma protested.  
“Whatever.” Vegeta grunted and moved towards the door. “I’m going to train.”  
“Can I come with you?” Tarble asked.  
“What? … Ugh. I’d prefer it if you didn’t.” Vegeta snorted.  
“Please? Maybe you can show me your moves?” Tarble smiled. Bulma smirked.  
“Not that his moves are worth repeating.” She sniped, causing Frieza to laugh. Vegeta just glared at her and glanced at Tarble.  
“Yeah sure Tarble, let’s go.” He growled and they left the room.


	11. Crushes and Discipline

Bulma, Chichi, Frikiza and Android 18 were in the kitchen, talking about relationships over glasses of wine.  
“So anyway how are things with you and Krillin?” Bulma asked 18.  
“Hm…” 18 mused. “Well… You know when you’re shopping, and you’re kind of going through a weird time, so you buy yourself a cute dress – and you really like it at the time, and it suits you really well and you can think of a million places you could wear it, but deep down you know it’s not that well made and you can probably afford better? And sure enough within a few weeks the stitching starts to come away and you slowly realise that as much as you liked the dress, if you’d spent a little extra money or shopped around a little more you could have got one that would have suited you even better and will will last longer, and you wouldn’t have wasted your money on the first?”  
“Uh…” Chichi sweat dropped.  
“Yeah… I guess I know what you mean?” Bulma mumbled.  
“Yeah. That’s how things are with me and Krillin.” 18 said.

The girls all fell silent and looked at her awkwardly.   
“Wow.” Chichi blinked.   
“Uh-huh…” Frikiza uttered, sweat dropping.   
“… So anyway!” Bulma turned to Frikiza. “So tell me about you! Are you single? Hey! And while we’re on the subject, is Frieza single?”   
“You’re not.” Chichi scolded.   
“Should have shopped around…” 18 remarked.   
“Well… Frieza’s with Cell…” Frikiza answered. “But they seem to have a kind of open relationship, just as long as you’re willing to let Cell participate.”   
“Yeah. I mean, I’d need to be a little more drunk first but yeah, I could get on board with that.” Bulma nodded.   
“He’s not even that attractive, Bulma! I mean – if you’re going to fantasise about cheating on Vegeta then at least go for one of the saiyan guys!” Chichi protested.   
“Bardock. Dilf.” 18 stated.   
“He’s my father in law…” Chichi said.   
“Is he your blood relative?” 18 questioned.   
“Well, no he’s not to me but –”   
“Exactly. Do him. Dilf.” 18 repeated.   
“Yeah Bardock’s hot, and Raditz isn’t that bad-looking either.” Bulma nodded. “But Frieza… Frieza has _power_.” She said with a shiver. Frikiza giggled.   
“Yeah, I can understand that. I mean if he wasn’t my brother I’d probably be tempted by Frieza myself – and by icejin standards, he’s really good-looking! I mean like super attractive!”   
“Well that makes sense, seeing as you’re adorable yourself!” Bulma smiled. Frikiza blushed.   
“Thanks.” She replied sheepishly.   
“I mean it! For an alien that doesn’t have any hair you’re beautiful!” Bulma beamed. “I don’t think I could ever pull off being bald the way you do.”   
“Uh… thanks again?” Frikiza sweat dropped.

Bulma looked at her, grinning excitedly.   
“So anyway. Who are you dating?” She asked.   
“Nobody.” Frikiza answered. “I mean… I have in the past – me and Zarba were a couple for years in secret, and then I had a short thing with Nucli…”   
“Nucli?” Bulma blinked.   
“Nucleus – girl Cell.” Frikiza stated.   
“Oh.” Bulma nodded.   
“But… I’m single now.” Frikiza continued. “I guess I’m just waiting for the right person to come along.”   
“Well it must be tough to meet people – I mean, do you really spend all your time rehabilitating people in hell? I guess the market’s not too good down there.” Chichi said sympathetically.   
“Well actually…” Frikiza blushed. “I know I sound like a hypocrite saying this, but… I kind of like the bad boys. I mean… my ultimate aim is to stop them hurting people, but… Sometimes… I sort of hope their personality doesn’t change – not too much, anyway…”   
“You little minx.” Bulma smirked, causing Frikiza to blush more.

18 looked at her.   
“So do you have your eye on anybody at the moment?” She questioned.   
“Well… there is one guy…” Frikiza suddenly gasped and looked at the girls desperately. “But if I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything! Really, promise me!”   
“Fine.” 18 shrugged.   
“We promise.” Bulma said. Chichi nodded.   
“Uh-huh.”   
“Okay, well… I…” Frikiza hesitated, feeling her own cheeks burning as she moved her eyes to the floor. “I sort of… like King Piccolo.”   
“Huh!” The girls all gasped, wide-eyed.   
“King Piccolo? But that guy’s grotesque!” Bulma protested.   
“Yeah – and I remember what he was like when I was a kid!” Chichi cried. “He’s not just ugly, he’s _terrifying_! I mean really, he’s pure evil!”   
“I know…” Frikiza looked at Chichi and her eyes twinkled wickedly. “It’s sexy, right?”   
“Huh!” Chichi choked.   
“Well… I’m not saying I want him to take over the world or anything, but… maybe he could channel all that darkness into, you know…” Frikiza blushed. “… something else.”   
“Oh my God!” Bulma squealed and started giggling. “Frikiza, you’re such a dark horse!”   
“It’s bad, right?” Frikiza replied, her face violet.   
“No – it’s okay, I can totally get where you’re coming from.” Bulma smiled. “I mean… there is something sexy about a guy that’s totally fearless – right Chichi?”   
“Well… I guess I do like a man with confidence…” Chichi replied sheepishly, her cheeks turning red. Bulma smirked.   
“Right. ‘Confidence’.” She laughed. “You mean aggression! Don’t forget you’re talking to someone who knows what it’s like to be with a super saiyan!”   
“Well… it’s not boring.” Chichi admitted, smirking slightly.   
“Hm… I think I get it too. There’s a strength to it, right?” 18 nodded.   
“Yeah…” Frikiza let out a sigh, clasping her hands together with a dreamy look on her face as she thought about her crush. “He’s so bold and demanding and powerful…”

Bulma smirked.   
“Yeah – actually think about it, girls. Piccolo Jr. totally has that badass thing going on, right? I mean… okay he’s a namek, but it is kind of sexy.” She said.   
“Well… maybe… but I can’t get over his looks.” Chichi replied.   
“He’s not that bad-looking!” Bulma protested. “He’s definitely more attractive than his father.”   
“Yeah but… looks don’t really matter to me, I just care about the person, and, well…” Frikiza giggled. “Junior’s good-looking, but he’s a sweetheart. Believe me – if you think Junior’s badass,” She looked at the girls. “You should meet his _daddy_.”

Bulma, Chichi and 18 all squealed, their cheeks reddening.   
“Really…?” Bulma uttered. Frikiza nodded.   
“Mm-hm! He’s a mean mean man.” She beamed. 

Meanwhile Piccolo Junior sensed he was being watched, and he looked up to see the group of women glancing over at him and giggling. He blinked in confusion, wondering what the hell was wrong with them. 

King Piccolo walked past the kitchen just in time to hear Frikiza talking, “I don’t know… I guess I just have a thing for bad boys. The meaner the better!” She exclaimed. King Piccolo stopped dead in his tracks and started to grin to himself.   
_“Yes!”_ He thought silently and ran off to find his son. 

At that moment Trunks and Goten came racing into the kitchen and start raiding the buffet table, both of them over-excited and completely hyped up on sugar and caffeine.   
“Bet I can eat more than you!” Trunks exclaimed, stuffing food into his face.   
“Bet I can drink more!” Goten cried back and grabbed his thirtieth soda.   
“Okay…” Bulma sweat dropped, watching them. “I think it’s time you guys went to bed. Goten, you can stay here tonight –” She looked at Chichi. “If that’s okay with you?”   
“Yeah that’s fine.” Chichi nodded.   
“What? Bedtime?” Trunks groaned in disheartenment, holding a pile of candy in his hand. “But Mom…”

Back in the living room King Piccolo ran over to Piccolo Jr.   
“Son! I thought of a use for you!” He exclaimed. “Point me in the direction of the weakest guy here. I’m going to kill him.”   
“What?” Piccolo frowned.   
“I just heard Frikiza talking to the other girls – she totally has a thing for bad guys!” King Piccolo beamed. “So I figure maybe she’ll like me if I show her I’m the real deal and not the watered down Kami-infected demon prince disaster that you turned out to be.”   
“… You’re kind of not making me want to help you right now, Dad.” Piccolo stated.   
“Shut up, Junior! Just listen to your father and tell him who he can kill!” King Piccolo barked.   
“Father – you’re weaker than everybody here!” Piccolo protested. “Even if you do try to kill someone they’ll kill you first, so maybe that’s not the way to prove how evil you are – although I’m pretty sure you’ve got the wrong idea about Frikiza. She spends all day trying to make evil guys good, she _can’t_ be into them.”   
“No, she is… She’s kind of weird that way.” Frieza piped up. “She doesn’t want them to hurt anybody but she likes it when they act like they could.”   
“Okay so what, I should pretend to hurt someone?” King Piccolo asked.   
“You could do…” Frieza nodded. “Or you could stay away from my sister and keep your eyes and your tongue and your nails all in their original places.”   
“I bet if I said that to your sister she’d be into me.” King Piccolo smirked. Frieza suddenly powered up, enraged, and raised his hand to strike King Piccolo.   
“You disgusting little – hm?” He stopped suddenly and listened to the voices of Bulma and Trunks coming from the kitchen.   
“No! This isn’t fair, this is my house too!” Trunks whined.   
“What…?” Frieza mumbled, looking towards the voices.

Back in the kitchen, the hyped up and overtired Trunks and Goten were refusing to go to bed.   
“I don’t care, Trunks! It’s getting late and if I’ve told you to go to bed I expect you to do it!” Bulma yelled.   
“You too Goten – why don’t you boys go and sleep in Trunks’ room?” Chichi frowned.   
“Because I’m not tired!” Trunks protested.   
“Me neither!” Goten whined.   
“I don’t care if you’re tired – it’s past your bedtime!” Bulma snapped.   
“Well I don’t care about my bedtime!” Trunks pouted.   
“What the…?” Frieza uttered, watching the scene.   
“Yeah! Me neither!” Goten also pouted.   
“Oh, **hell** no! _**Hey**_!”

Frieza raced into the kitchen and grabbed hold of Trunks and Goten, holding them up by their throats. “You little brats! How dare you talk to your mothers that way! You apologise to them right now!” He ordered. Trunks broke away from Frieza’s grasp and glared at him.   
“Bite me, Lizard Boy!” He spat.   
“Yeah! Bite me!” Goten mimicked, also breaking away.   
“Bite you? Are you kids seriously trying to argue with me! I’m an adult you little apes!” Frieza yelled.   
“So?” Trunks shrugged.   
“So? _**So**_!” Frieza looked over at Goku and Vegeta. “ **Hey**!” He yelled. “You two! Come here – **now**!”

Goku and Vegeta looked at each other in confusion, then shrugged and walk over to Frieza.   
“What’s up?” Goku questioned.   
“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Frieza barked. “Don’t you teach your children discipline? Your kids are running wild!”   
“What? No they’re not!” Goku argued.   
“They’re not, are they? Well these two little monkeys just answered back to not only me, but to their mothers as well! Don’t you teach them that bad behaviour has consequences? I can’t believe you would let your children behave this way!” Frieza growled.   
“Settle down Frieza, they’re just acting out because they’ve just had too much sugar. It’s not like they’re selling drugs.” Vegeta replied.   
“This is how it starts! Look!” Frieza noticed Goten picking up a beer can and snatched it out of the demi-saiyan’s hand before he had chance to open it. “They’re already drinking!”   
“I just wanted to smell it…” Goten mumbled.   
“Yeah, and I just wanted to see if Vegeta had blood when I beat the crap out of him.” Frieza retorted, causing Vegeta to glare at him. 

Frieza looked at the saiyan adults sternly. “You have to start disciplining these kids before they become a problem! I mean Goku I can kind of understand your parenting style because you were raised by even bigger saps than you, but Vegeta – you grew up on my ship! You know what discipline is and you know the importance of keeping a child under your control – really, I never pictured you being a soft parent!”   
“What!” Vegeta gasped, reddening slightly. “I’m not a soft parent!”   
“Tch! Yeah, right.” Frieza snorted. “Well let me tell you, when you were this runt’s age there was no way you would have even dared to speak to me the way your son has just spoken to his mother, because if you had I would have shattered your ribcage! Now how many times have you broken your son’s arm?”   
“Uh… well…” Vegeta uttered hesitantly.   
“Never, right? And how many times has he answered back to either you or his mother?” Frieza demanded.   
“Well - - he’s just going through a phase recently –”   
“Oh don’t give me that, Vegeta!” Frieza growled. “Kids don’t go through phases, that’s just something that soft parents say when they don’t want to admit they’ve failed! Have you ever noticed that children that are terrified of their parents never go through ‘phases’?”   
“Listen to me Frieza, I am **not** soft!” Vegeta roared.   
“Fine then prove it!” Frieza challenged.   
“Okay fine!” Vegeta snapped. “Bulma – what’s the problem anyway?”   
“I told him to go to bed and he said no.” Bulma answered.

Vegeta looked down at Trunks.   
“Well – Trunks if your mother says go to bed then you go to bed.”   
“No! It’s not fair, I want to stay with the party! Please Dad!” Trunks pleaded.   
“No Trunks, you can’t.” Vegeta replied.   
“Why not?” Trunks asked.   
“Well because –” Vegeta noticed Frieza looking at him. “What?”   
“Do you mind explaining why you are justifying yourself to a _child_?” Frieza hissed.   
“I – I’m not!” Vegeta protested and looked at Trunks. “Listen – all you need to know is that your mother and I gave you an order. Go to bed!”   
“No!” Trunks pouted. Vegeta looked at Frieza, and Frieza nodded… then Vegeta turned back to Trunks, and broke his arm.   
“ _ **Aiiiiiiiiiiii**_!” Trunks screamed, his face turning blue.   
“Oh my God! Vegeta – what did you do!” Bulma cried.   
“I just disciplined the fuck out of my kid Bulma, that’s what. Try telling him to go to bed now.” Vegeta smirked proudly.   
“But –”   
“I also told him to apologise to his mother and he refused.” Frieza said.   
“Oh.” Vegeta looked at Trunks. “Well?” 

Trunks bit his lip, holding his arm as fought against the pain.   
“I’m… I’m sorry, Mom… I’m sorry, Dad…” He said sincerely. “I’m sorry, Mr. Frieza.”   
“It’s Lord Frieza.” Frieza corrected him.   
“Lord Frieza…” Trunks mumbled. Frieza looked at Goten, who gasped.   
“Sorry, Sir!” He cried wide-eyed, and turned to Chichi. “I’m sorry Mom! I’ll go to bed right away!” 

Meanwhile Krillin and Yamcha were watching the scene in awe.   
“Wow, the boys look terrified… I kind of feel sorry for Frieza’s son.” Krillin said.   
“Yeah but I bet he’s the most well-behaved kid in the universe.” Yamcha replied. 

Goku cocked his head slightly, watching Goten’s quick response.   
“Huh… Actually, that’s pretty effective.” He said. “Hey Frieza – Goten still wets the bed sometimes, you got any recommendations for that?”   
“Dad…” Goten mumbled, blushing in embarrassment.   
“Haha!” Trunks sniggered.   
“Well yes actually I do.” Frieza replied. “Next time he does it don’t change the sheets – instead make him sleep naked in that bed every single night until he stops bedwetting. I guarantee he’ll get sick of the smell before you do.”   
“Oh my God… That’s barbaric!” Chichi gasped.   
“But effective. It cured Vegeta in two days.” Frieza stated.   
“What! I never wet the bed!” Vegeta protested.   
“Oh come on Vegeta, you know you did.” Frieza replied.   
“No I didn’t!” Vegeta snarled.   
“You seriously don’t remember?” Frieza blinked. Vegeta shook his head. “Well… to be fair you did do it in your sleep most of the time, and not always in your bed.” Frieza said.   
“Huh? Vegeta frowned. Frieza started to recall an event that took place during Vegeta’s childhood…

__A younger Frieza was walking down the corridor of his ship when he suddenly slipped on a mysterious liquid on the floor, crying out.  
“Augh! What the –” He looked down at the liquid. “What the hell is this?” He sniffed, and flinched. “Ugh! It smells like –” Suddenly King Vegeta’s voice came through Frieza’s scouter.   
“Haha! Hey Frieza is your ship wet?” King Vegeta laughed.   
“Uh… yeah…” Frieza mumbled.   
“Haha! Yeah I forgot to tell you – you know that kid you took from me? He’s a bed wetter and he sleepwalks! Good luck with that!” King Vegeta exclaimed.   
“What! You sent me a sleepwalking bed wetter?” Frieza cried. “Vegeta that is totally unfair, you’re taking him back right now!”   
“No returns!” King Vegeta yelped and hung up.   
“ **God dammit**!” Frieza screamed. 

In the present day Vegeta was bright red after listening to the story.   
“I… I… didn’t know that…” He choked.   
“Yeah well I made you sleep in it for two nights and you didn’t do it again, so it worked.” Frieza said. Everyone in the room started sniggering as they looked at Vegeta.   
“Haha!” Trunks laughed, and Vegeta broke his other arm.   
“That’s it!” Frieza smirked, and looked at Trunks. “It serves you right for mocking your father.”   
“I… I’m sorry, Dad…” Trunks mumbled, just as there was a knock on the door.   
“Just get the door, Trunks.” Vegeta growled.   
“With what? You broke both my arms –”   
“Did I stutter!” Vegeta roared.   
“No!” Trunks gasped and ran to get the door. 

Meanwhile Bulma watched Trunks leave; she looked traumatised.   
“Oh, don’t worry Bulma.” Frieza assured. “You only need to hurt them a couple of times and after that the fear is enough to keep them under your control. He’ll never answer back to you again.” He downed the rest of his drink and smiled at her.


	12. Piccolo's Brothers

Ignoring the pain in his arms, Trunks opened the door to Capsule Corps with great difficulty and found four mutated namekians stood before him.  
“Uh… who are you guys?” He asked.  
“We’re looking for King Piccolo.” One of them answered; he was shorter than the others and looked a little like a pterodactyl. “My name is Piano, and this is Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum.” He explained, pointing at his companions. “Now… please – is King Piccolo here?”  
“Uh… yeah, he’s here.” Trunks nodded and looked towards the living room. “Through there.”  
“Thank you.” Piano replied, and the four nameks walked into the living room.

Upon arrival they all looked around and a wide grin swept across Tambourine’s face when he recognised one of the party guests.  
“Hey, it’s Junior!” He beamed.  
“Hm?” Piccolo looked up to see the mutants approaching him, grinning excitedly.  
“Aww, he’s so cute!” Cymbal squealed, blushing.  
“Haha!” Drum exclaimed and yanked Piccolo into a forceful headlock. “Hey Kiddo, how’ve you been? Actually I know how you’ve been and Dad’s really pissed at you for it.”

Trunks came up behind the mutants and frowned in confusion.  
“What? Piccolo are these your brothers or something?” He asked.  
“I don’t –” Piccolo looked at the mutated nameks, suddenly realising who they were. “… Oh, you’re his egg monsters aren’t you?” He uttered.  
“Egg monsters!” Drum snarled and tightened his grip on Piccolo, glaring at him. “You wanna show a little respect to your elders?”  
“Shut up!” Piccolo growled, breaking away from Drum’s grasp. “Listen – what are you guys doing here anyway? Did you know that Dad’s trying to get into Frieza’s sister?”  
“But that’s exactly why we’ve come!” Piano gasped, his eyes widening. “Oh no… We aren’t too late are we? I mean, he hasn’t… They haven’t hooked up have they?”  
“No – no you’re not too late but –”  
“Oh good!” Piano interrupted Piccolo and looked at the other nameks, smiling enthusiastically. “We didn’t miss it!”  
“Haha, that’s great!” Drum beamed.  
“I wanna see their first kiss!” Tambourine shrieked giddily.  
“Do you think they’ll get married?” Cymbal squealed, scrunching his eyes shut and clenching his fists in excitement.  
“What the…?” Piccolo uttered.  
“I call best man!” Tambourine cried, raising his hand.  
“What? No!” Piano growled. “I’m the eldest, I should be the best man! You can be an usher.”  
“What? That sucks!” Tambourine frowned.  
“I’m the youngest, can I be a page boy?” Drum questioned.  
“No, Junior’s the youngest.” Cymbal replied.  
“Yeah but like he’s gonna be invited!” Drum argued, and looked at Piccolo stubbornly. “You’re not invited Junior, Dad’s mad at you!” He snarled and started stamping his feet in a tantrum-like fashion. “I’m the page boy!”  
“What the hell are you talking about? Do you guys seriously want him to hook up with _**Frieza**_? Are you honestly telling me that!” Piccolo protested.

Piano let out a sigh.  
“Junior – you don’t understand.” He said. “You’ve had a life of luxury living up here making friends with the Earthlings, but us… we’ve spent the last two decades in hell with _him_! Do you have any idea how grumpy he can be?”  
“Yeah I mean… He seemed cool at first and we all wanted to serve him loyally, but after a couple of months, well we kind of realised he’s… he’s not that fun.” Tambourine mumbled.  
“Not that fun? He’s a goddamn jerk.” Cymbal growled.  
“And he doesn’t let us eat candy.” Drum said.  
“Well I don’t think someone your size should be eating candy, Drum… but that’s beside the point!” Piano replied, and looked at Piccolo. “So we thought that if he met someone, it might mellow him out a little – you know. Give him something to focus on other than being bitter and angry about being trapped in a kitchen appliance for three centuries, being killed by a minor, and well… … having you.”  
“Yeah, Junior! Thanks a lot for making him worse! Like he didn’t have enough to be mad about already!” Drum barked.  
“… Well… sorry about that,” Piccolo replied. “But listen, if you guys want to get him a girlfriend couldn’t you have picked a different girl?”  
“Well Frikiza wouldn’t exactly be our first choice either, but he seems to have taken a liking to her.” Piano shrugged. “So now we’re going to set them up.”  
“Yeah! So move out of the way Junior, we have winging to do!” Tambourine said, attempting to walk past Piccolo.  
“No way!”

Piccolo stepped in front of the mutant nameks, glaring at them sternly. “This isn’t happening, there is no way **my** creator is hooking up with a girl version of Frieza!”  
“He is too!” Tambourine pouted. “And then we’re all gonna be a big happy family and live happily ever after and you can rot away on your own up here.”  
“No Tambourine, be fair to him, Junior is still our brother…” Piano reasoned, and looked at Piccolo. “You can join us for dinner on Sundays.”  
“Yeah he’s a lot slimmer than Drum, he’ll fit in his high chair.” Cymbal nodded.  
“What? No!” Drum stamped his feet again like a spoilt child. “That’s my high chair! I’m the baby of the family, he’s the black sheep that turned his back on us!”  
“Yeah – relax,” Piccolo replied. “I don’t want to sit in a high chair and have a family dinner with you guys, King Piccolo and Frikiza; that is literally the _worst_ thing I can think of.”  
“Jerk.” Cymbal muttered.  
“Fine. Well you can’t say we didn’t try.” Piano shrugged. “Now move out of the way.”

Piccolo firmly stood his ground, refusing to move an inch as he looked Piano straight in the eye.  
“ _ **No**_.”  
“Junior, we aren’t kidding around.” Piano warned.  
“Neither am I, so I guess we have a problem.” Piccolo said.  
“Nope! No problem.” Drum exclaimed and swiped at Piccolo. Piccolo easily dodged his attack and looked at Drum, unimpressed.  
“Seriously? You think you guys can take me down?” He snorted.

Enraged, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum all squared up to Piccolo and glared at him angrily, their fists clenched and their teeth bared.  
“I’ll… I’ll just…” Piano took a step back, sweat dropping. “I’ll leave this to you guys… I’m more of a note-taker.” 

As the mutant nameks took fighting stances against Piccolo, Goten approached the group wearing a borrowed set of Trunks’ pyjamas.  
“What’s going on?” He questioned.  
“Uh… I think these are Piccolo’s brothers, and they want his dad to date someone but Piccolo doesn’t want that.” Trunks explained.  
“Well does his dad like her?” Goten asked.  
“I think so.” Trunks nodded.  
“Well then… That’s all that matters right?” Goten shrugged.  
“Yeah but… apparently the girl is Frieza.” Trunks said.  
“Oh, right!” Goten grinned, believing he understood the situation. “So they can’t hook up – because your mom wants Frieza, right? And Frieza wants my dad and my mom and your mom… So there’s no room for Piccolo’s dad. Is that the problem?”  
“… What?” Trunks blinked.

At that moment Krillin walked up behind the mutants.  
“What’s going on here?” He questioned, and watched the scene.  
“Junior, this is your last warning.” Tambourine hissed, glaring at Piccolo.  
“Yours too!” Piccolo snarled. “Go back to hell – and take your master with you!”  
“How can you be so disrespectful towards King Piccolo! You’re his golden boy!” Cymbal protested. “You know, any of us would **kill** for him to have put as much effort into us as he did into you!”  
“Yeah – literally kill.” Drum snorted. “Like we’re gonna kill you.”  
“Oh come on guys, you got killed by Goku when he was a child, do you really think you stand a chance against me now? I **am** King Piccolo!” Piccolo barked.  
“Were. Now you’re just a waste of an egg!” Tambourine smirked, and fired a ki blast at Piccolo. Piccolo didn’t so much as flinch, he just took the shot and looked at Tambourine questionably.  
“That it?” He challenged.  
“ _ **Grrrrrr**_ …” The mutants all snarled and start firing rapidly at Piccolo. Piccolo blocked their attacks, putting up with the fight for a few minutes before he finally decided to end it.  
“Okay, to hell with this – I warned you guys!” He growled and fired back at them.  
“Crap!” The mutants gasped, wide-eyed.

The four mutated nameks all leapt out of the way of Piccolo’s ki blast just in time for it to hit Krillin… and kill him. Trunks and Goten both gasped and exclaimed,  
“Oh my God! You killed Krillin!”  
“You Bastard!”  
“… oops.” Piccolo sweat dropped. _“I kind of fucked up there…”_  
“Wow… that could’ve been us.” Tambourine uttered and looked at Piccolo. “This guy’s tough!”  
“Yeah it’s a shame we’re related.” Cymbal sighed, causing the other mutants to look at him questionably. He looked back at them, and hung his head. “… I’m lonely.”

Suddenly King Piccolo approached the group and grinned at his mutant children.  
“Boys! What took you so long!” He beamed.  
“You forgot to invite us.” Piano answered flatly.  
“Yeah we’ve spent like four hours looking for you, Sire.” Tambourine growled.  
“Oh.” King Piccolo blinked. “… Yeah well screw you kids, you’re just a bunch of failures.”

Piano leaned over to whisper to Piccolo,  
“ _Do you see what we mean now_? _He’s a jerk_!”  
“ _Huh_ … _yeah, he kind of is_ …” Piccolo replied.  
“Well anyway!” King Piccolo put his arms around the mutants and started to lead them towards the kitchen. “Come this way! I found this new thing that young people are drinking – it’s called beer.”  
“Dad, that’s not that new…” Drum stated.  
“Yeah and it’s bad for you…” Tambourine said.  
“Shut up!” King Piccolo roared, and struck Drum and Tambourine. 

Standing not too far away, Frieza smirked as he watched the scene.  
“See, now that’s what you call parenting.” He commented and looked at Trunks and Goten. “… Didn’t your mothers tell you to go to bed?” Frieza asked, raising an eyebrow at them.  
“Yes Lord Frieza!” The boys cried and ran off towards the bedroom.  
“I do like a well-behaved child.” Frieza smirked.  
“Wow, look at them go…” Bardock uttered. “Hey Frieza I should have sent Raditz to you when he was five, then maybe he would’ve made something of himself.”  
“What? Dad! I – I can’t believe you just said that!” Raditz gasped.  
“Yeah well believe it Kid, because I said it.” Bardock grunted. “Now make yourself useful and get me a beer, me and your brother are gonna talk about what it’s like to be married and have children – you know, _another_ thing you failed to do.” 

Raditz stood there in silence for a moment, his lip quivering as he tried to hold back his emotions, before he eventually broke down and ran into the kitchen in tears.  
“Dad… maybe you shouldn’t be so mean to him…” Goku said.  
“You’ve sent your kids to their deaths on multiple occasions and you’ve been in their lives even less than I’ve been in yours, which is almost _impossible_ to do so I really don’t think you get to be all high and mighty here, Kakarot.” Bardock replied. “Why don’t you just go ahead and try to ride your judgemental cloud again?”  
“…” Goku didn’t have an answer, so he simply threw his beer over Bardock. “Jerk.” He growled, and walked away.  
“… Huh.” Bardock grunted. He wiped his forehead with his arm, moistening the tanned skin that stretched across his thick muscles. He casually flicked his damp hair out of his eyes, then slowly licked around his lips and ran his tongue along his front teeth in satisfaction. “Damn…” He purred. “I taste good.”

Frieza stood there in awe, watching, and dropped his wine glass along with his jaw.  
“I…” Bulma choked, also watching. “I have to go to the bedroom – I mean bathroom!” She yelped and ran out of the room.  
“Yeah I’ll join you!” Frieza squealed. “I mean I’ll - - … … Yeah, I’ll join you.” He ran after her, just as there was another knock at the door.


	13. Piccolo's Dad's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know this is a tiny sketch! But I’m going to introduce another character in the next chapter and I wanted to do this scene first, so please let me know what you think :)  
> P.S. the next character I introduce will be somebody’s son…

Piccolo opened the door to see Krillin stood there looking extremely angry.  
“… Oh.” Piccolo uttered. “Hey. Sorry I killed you just now, I… I guess I didn’t realise how much those guys were pissing me off.”  
“Yeah, whatever – believe me Piccolo you’re the guy I’m least mad at right now.” Krillin growled. “You know where I just came here from? **Hell** , that’s where! Seriously! **Me**. In hell.” He turned and screamed up at the sky, enraged. “Fuck you, Yemma! After all I’ve done for this stupid planet! Seriously, fuck you!”  
“What? You went to hell?” Piccolo frowned. “This doesn’t make any sense… First Goku falls through the nimbus cloud, then you get sent down there… Don’t you think something’s off about tonight?”  
“I have no idea Piccolo, but I’ll tell you this – you have two hours to figure out what’s going on, otherwise I’m just going to accept the fact that I’m going to hell and go on a huge killing spree.” Krillin said. “Hey maybe I’ll get Goku to join me, we can do what he was sent here to do and wipe out this entire planet.”  
“Oh come on, Goku’s not gonna do that.” Piccolo argued.  
“Nah he will, he’s really pissed about that cloud.” Krillin replied. He looked at Piccolo and grinned. “Hey – you wanna join us? It’ll make your father proud.”  
“… Just get the fuck inside, Krillin.”

They went into the living room and saw King Piccolo on the karaoke machine with his mutated namekians sons cheering him on as the intro music to a song started.  
“Oh, an excellent choice of song, Sire!” Piano praised.  
“Yeah, really brings out your mean side!” Tambourine exclaimed, and noticed that Frikiza was stood nearby. He continued to talk, this time loudly and obviously. “This song shows that you’re really mean!”  
“Ssh, don’t overdo it…” Cymbal whispered, nudging him.  
“Haha, I love this song!” Drum grinned, dancing to the music.

Piccolo frowned as he turned to watch King Piccolo.  
“What the hell…?”  
“ _Better wait a minute_.” King Piccolo started to sing. “ _Ya better hold the phone. Ya better mind your manners. Better change your tone_.”  
“Oh my God no…” Piccolo gasped, grabbing hold of his own antennae as he watched King Piccolo in horror. “No no no no no!”  
“Haha! Is that what I think it is?” Krillin laughed, looking at King Piccolo. Piccolo let out a moan and buried his face in his hands, his cheeks turning violet.   
“No… Oh my God he is **not** singing that song!”  
“ _Don’t you threaten me son_.” King Piccolo continued to sing. “ _You got a lot of gall. We gonna do things my way. Or we won’t do things at all_!” 

Krillin started to smirk.  
“Oh, he is _totally_ singing that song!”   
“Okay!” Piccolo grabbed Krillin. “So you wanna purge Earth, right? Great idea – how about you start by killing me. Right now, before he gets to the chorus!”  
“Nah, actually this is kind of cheering me up.” Krillin beamed. “I think I’ll just stand here and watch – you want a beer?”  
“No but I could really go for some arsenic right now – do you think Bulma has any? She seems like the kind of person that would.” Piccolo replied.  
“Hey, shush!” Krillin gasped, trying to listen to King Piccolo. “We’re missing it!”  
“ _Ya don’t know what you’re up against_ ,” King Piccolo sang. “ _No, no way, no how. You don’t know what you’re messin’ with, but I’m gonna tell you now_!”  
“Oh my God…” Piccolo groaned. Krillin put a supportive arm around him.  
“It’s okay –” He stopped when Piccolo suddenly fell to his knees and buried his face into Krillin.  
“That’s not my father!” Piccolo cried. “I want **everybody** to know that I didn’t grow up with him, he’s nothing like me, and everything he does or says tonight has absolutely no reflection on me!”  
“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Krillin soothed, patting Piccolo’s forehead. “… Oh! Hey, it’s the chorus!”  
“ _I’m just a mean green mother from outer space and I’m bad_.” King Piccolo sang. “ _I’m just a mean green mother from outer space, and it looks like you been had_ …”  
“I can’t watch…” Piccolo groaned, placing his hands over his eyes.

At that moment Gohan started walking past Piccolo and Krillin.  
“Gohan!” Piccolo cried out and grabbed the demi-saiyan. “Hey! Do me a favour – kill me.”  
“Right, is this some kind of test?” Gohan replied, laughing.  
“No I’m not kidding around! If you care about me at **all** you’ll do it! Or at least make me deaf and blind!” Piccolo protested.   
“Oh – right. It’s because your dad’s pretty much burying you alive right now, right?” Gohan said. “Don’t worry about it Piccolo, I don’t think anybody’s noticed.”  
“Really…?” Piccolo mumbled.  
“No… actually everybody’s noticed.” Gohan shrugged and took a swig of his beer. “You’re ruined.”  
“God dammit!” Piccolo snarled and stormed off. Krillin noticed Gohan holding a beer and looked at him.  
“… You’re kind of your father’s son, aren’t you?” He sniped.  
“You died just now and nobody cared.” Gohan stated, and took another swig of his beer. “Nobody ever cares.”  
“… Fuck you too, Gohan.” Krillin growled.

Meanwhile Piccolo was in the corner of the room, hiding his face in shame. Gohan approached him and looked at Piccolo sympathetically.   
“Hey. You okay?” He asked.  
“No I’m not okay!” Piccolo snapped. “This is terrible! I used to be the cool loner guy in the corner that everybody wanted to be, now I’m just the guy that’s standing in the corner in shame because his father’s a loser.”  
“Oh, come on… Piccolo, you can’t be that guy.” Gohan reasoned.  
“Thanks Gohan, but you aren’t making me feel any better.” Piccolo replied bitterly.  
“No, I mean – you _seriously_ can’t be that guy. That’s Videl’s thing and she’ll kill you if you try to take it.” Gohan said. Piccolo simply groaned and hung his head. “Hey, so uh…” Gohan sipped his drink and eyed up Piccolo, watching him cautiously. “… People seem to think there’s something weird going on between us. You uh… you think there’s something to that?”

Piccolo blinked, and raised his head to look at Gohan, and Gohan stared back at him questionably, waiting for an answer.  
“… Huh.” Piccolo uttered. “Well… I never made a move on you before because I thought it would destroy my reputation, but… well my dad’s kind of doing that for me, so… … Yeah sure, why not?” He took Gohan’s beer and downed it. “Come on, Kid.” Piccolo threw the empty beer can over his shoulder and started to walk towards the bedroom. “Let’s get weird.”  
“Alright!” Gohan grinned and followed him. 

Back in the living room the mutants were dancing along to King Piccolo’s singing and cheering him on.  
“Alright! Go King Piccolo! You’re the best!”  
“ _Ya don’t know what you’re dealin’ with. No, you never did. Ya don’t know what you’re lookin’ at, but that’s tough titty, kid_!” King Piccolo sang.   
“He has such a good voice…” Frikiza sighed in admiration as she watched King Piccolo.  
“Oh my God, you actually like this? He looks like an idiot!” Frieza scolded, looking at her in disgust. Frikiza was only half listening to him and absent-mindedly replied,  
“Really, you think he looks like an incubus…?” She blushed. “Well, I’m not the person to ask…” At her side, Zarba started giggling.   
“Not incubus! _**Idiot**_!” Frieza growled angrily. “He looks like an idiot!”  
“There’s no reason why he can’t be both right?” Zarba remarked.   
“Right, I guess so…” Frikiza mumbled. Frieza glared at Zarba.  
“Don’t encourage her!” He hissed. Zarba smirked.  
“Oh – you mean don’t do this?” She put her arm around Frikiza and leaned down to hold her lips against Frikiza’s ear as she purred, “I bet he means _every word_ …”

Frikiza shivered.  
“Zarba… quit it. It’s… just a song…” She uttered.  
“That’s how it starts, Lady Frikiza.” Zarba replied.  
“Stop it!” Frieza snapped, swiping at Zarba. Zarba giggled, and there was another knock at the door.


	14. Frieza's Son

In the kitchen, Tarble looked at Bulma as there was a knock on the door.  
“Do you want me to get the door, Bulma?” He offered.  
“Oh Tarble don’t be silly, you’re an invited guest!” Bulma replied, waving her hand. “Vegeta, get the door.” She ordered.  
“Tarble get the door.” Vegeta growled, not looking up from his seat.  
“But –” Tarble was abruptly cut off by Vegeta glaring at him. He obediently left the room, and Bulma hit Vegeta.

Meanwhile Piccolo and Gohan emerged from Bulma and Vegeta’s bedroom.   
“Hey, so uh… that never happened, got it?” Piccolo said, looking around uncomfortably.  
“Sure.” Gohan nodded. “… You wanna let it not happen again?”  
“Yeah, same time tomorrow?” Piccolo asked.  
“Fine with me.” Gohan shrugged, and the two of them walked away from each other in different directions.

Frieza and Cell caught a glimpse of the pair, and Frieza sighed in frustration.   
“This is depressing me. I only came to this party to get drunk and sleep with people I don’t love, why does everybody seem to be doing that except me?” He growled.  
“What are you talking about?” Cell protested. “We had a threesome with Zarba like an _hour_ ago!”   
“Oh yeah, that was good… She’s much better than Zarbon, the extra years of life have really taught her some things.” Frieza smirked. “… I still want a piece of Goku though.”  
“You know I really don’t think he’d be that fun, Frieza.” Cell sighed.  
“Well, let’s ask him.” Frieza said. He called over to Goku, “Hey Goku, come here.”  
“Yeah?” Goku asked, approaching them.  
“You like food, right? Have you ever tried swallowing a hot dog whole?” Frieza asked, causing Cell to snigger. Goku took a swig of his beer and shrugged.  
“Yeah, once. Why do you ask?” He replied. Frieza and Cell both started sniggering.  
“Oh… no reason.” Frieza smirked. “How did you find it?”  
“It was unbelievable.” Goku grinned. Cell burst out laughing.  
“Haha, I bet it was!” He exclaimed.  
“What’s so funny?” Goku frowned.  
“Nothing.” Cell said, smiling innocently. Frieza started laughing as Goku took another swig of his beer, oblivious to the way Cell and Frieza were mocking him.  
“Yeah well anyway, I don’t eat hot dogs anymore, after that incident Chichi banned me.” He said.

Frieza and Cell stopped laughing and looked at him in confusion.  
“Huh?” Cell blinked.  
“Why did she ban you from eating hot dogs?” Frieza questioned.  
“Oh, well… that happened when Gohan was little and we took him to a funfair – and you know what these places are like, pretty much all they sell is hot dogs and popcorn.” Goku began.   
“Uh-huh…?” Frieza uttered.  
“Yeah so anyway I was starving, I mean like, _really_ hungry.” Goku continued. “So I just went to the first food stall I saw and it happened to be a hot dog stand, so I bought like a hundred of them and I guess with the hunger and everything I got a little carried away. I just started eating them really fast and shovelling them down my throat whole, but they were so huge I started choking, and I wound up with sauce all over my face.”

Frieza and Cell stood there, wide-eyed, with their jaws dropped, staring at him.  
“Oh my God…” Cell breathed.  
“I am so raping you tonight.” Frieza gasped.  
“No way!” Goku snapped and drank more of his beer. “If there’s any raping that’s going to be done tonight, it’s me and Vegeta.” Vegeta was stood nearby and overheard his remark, and his eyes widened.  
“… Can I watch?” Frieza asked.  
“No. I don’t like to share power.” Goku answered bluntly, and walked away. As Goku walked past, Vegeta looked at him.  
“We got something we need to discuss, Kakarot?” He uttered.  
“Vegeta, I believe I made myself clear earlier this evening. If I do make use of your mouth, it won’t be for talking.” Goku said, and walked past him.   
_“Papa!”_  
“Huh?”

Frieza suddenly looked up to see his son Kuriza standing there with Tarble. “K-Kuriza…?” He choked. Cell groaned.  
“Oh, Frieza… Is that your kid?”  
“Yeah…” Frieza mumbled. “But listen Cell – he doesn’t know I’m bisexual, so just tell him you’re my business partner or something.”   
“Screw this, I’m not telling him anything.” Cell growled. “I’m going to find Zarba and make her eat a hot dog.” He walked away.

Kuriza approached Frieza and stood in front of him, staring at him with shimmering eyes, his lips parted into a wide smile.  
“P-Papa…? Is that really you?” He gasped.  
“No Kuriza, lots of people look like this. Was that a serious question?” Frieza growled.  
“ _ **Papa**_!” Kuriza suddenly jumped at Frieza and hugged him tightly, with waves of sparkling tears pouring from his eyes. “Papa! I missed you!” He cried.  
“Kuriza!” Frieza barked, blushing. He pushed the younger icejin away. “What’s the matter with you!”  
“Oh…” Kuriza stiffened, and straightened up. He cleared his throat. “I mean… It’s good to see you.” He said calmly. Frieza just glared at him.

At that moment King Vegeta approached the pair.  
“Hey Frieza, who’s this guy?” He asked.  
“Huh? Oh. This is my son, Kuriza.” Frieza answered.  
“Son? I didn’t know you had a kid!” King Vegeta gasped, just as Vegeta was walking past them.  
“Yeah he was born five years after I killed you – Vegeta remembers it.” Frieza looked at Vegeta. “Right? You remember when Kuriza was born?”  
“Huh?” Vegeta moved his eyes to Kuriza. “… Oh, right. Yeah I remember him being a kid, but… I can’t say I remember his birth, specifically.”  
“What? Are you serious Vegeta? You were on my ship at the time!” Frieza protested. “Do you really not remember? I had a drink to celebrate and ended up getting totally off my face! Remember? I was running around the ship shouting ‘the universe has a new emperor’!”  
“… Frieza you did that like **every** weekend, do you seriously expect me to recall the _one_ time you weren’t just rambling?” Vegeta growled.  
“… Shut up, Vegeta.” Frieza hissed.

King Vegeta grinned.  
“Well anyway – congratulations, Frieza!” He turned to call out to his wife, “Hey Turnipa!”  
“Hm?” Turnipa answered, approaching the group.  
“Check it out! Frieza had a son!” King Vegeta beamed.  
“Oh, congratulations!” Turnipa exclaimed and looked at Kuriza. “… _**Eep**_!” She squealed, blushing. “Oh my God, he’s _adorable_! Frieza, he’s the image of you!” She smiled at Kuriza. “Aren’t you a handsome young man?”  
“Thanks…” Frieza and Kuriza both blushed.  
“You have got to be _kidding_ me…” Vegeta muttered angrily.  
“What’s his name?” Turnipa asked.  
“Kuriza.” Frieza answered, and tapped Kuriza with his tail. “Kuriza, don’t be rude. Say hello to Vegeta and Turnipa.” He ordered.

Kuriza looked at King Vegeta and Turnipa, and bowed obediently.   
“Hello, King Vegeta. Hello, Queen Turnipa. It’s lovely to meet you.” He said.  
“Awwww, he’s so polite!” Turnipa beamed.  
“Seriously?” Vegeta growled, glaring at her.  
“Yes Turnipa, he is. That’s because he was _brought_ up.” Frieza remarked.  
“And very well!” Turnipa replied and looked at Kuriza, smiling at him warmly. “Aww, aren’t you charming? This must be what motherly love feels like.” Vegeta and Tarble both looked at her, unimpressed.  
“Tarble, is this what it feels like to be you?” Vegeta grunted. “You have my sympathy, it sucks.”   
“Uh… thanks, I guess…?” Tarble sweat dropped.

King Vegeta looked at Frieza.  
“So who is his mother anyway? Did you get married or something?” He asked.  
“Yeah, a couple of years before Kuriza was born.” Frieza nodded. “She’s called Glacia – my father introduced her to me, she’s a family friend.”  
“Oh, she sounds lovely! Congratulations!” Turnipa smiled.  
“Are we… are we really doing this?” Vegeta growled. “Are we really standing around pretending we’re friendly neighbours?”  
“Be quiet, Vegeta! We already disowned your brother, we can do it to you as well!” Turnipa snapped. She turned to Frieza. “I can’t believe you’re a father now. But I’m happy for you – you always did seem like the family type, I always thought you would make a good father.”   
“Yes Mother, he’s great with kids. Really fucking great. It’s just a shame you guys didn’t give me to him sooner, I could have been even more of a train wreck than I am now, what a goddamn shame.” Vegeta snarled.   
“Shut up, Vegeta!” King Vegeta yelled, and turned to Frieza. “Seriously I’m happy for you as well, I mean having kids is like the biggest chore ever but for guys in our position it’s kind of necessary to ensure our legacy lives on, right?”  
“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Frieza replied. “I figured with an empire my size I should get married and have an heir, just in case your Vegeta ended up betraying me – at least with Kuriza as a backup I would have someone to leave my empire to.”  
“What? You were going to leave me your _empire_?” Vegeta gasped.  
“Yeah. I thought I made that pretty clear on Namek, Vegeta…” Frieza mumbled. “You were kind of like my Gohan, before you turned into my Judas.”  
“… Wow.” Vegeta uttered. “… Well… now I feel bad.”  
“You should.” Frieza replied.

Turnipa smiled at Frieza excitedly.   
“So anyway – tell me about this wife of yours! Where is she tonight?” She beamed.  
“Oh, I have no idea.” Frieza shrugged. “I never really like Glacia, she was just a trophy wife for me and she kind of fulfilled her purpose when Kuriza was born. I haven’t seen her since the day of his birth, and even then I only saw her because she happened to be in the room when I went to visit him. Actually I don’t even know if she’s still alive.” He looked at Kuriza. “Is your mother still alive?”  
“Uh… yeah, Papa.” Kuriza answered. “Actually… she’s really happy now, she got a lot of money off your life insurance.”  
“Bitch.” Frieza growled.

Kuriza grinned at Frieza.  
“Papa I have so much to show you! You wouldn’t believe how strong I’ve become since your death – I managed to obtain a new form! I almost have as many as you now!” He exclaimed.  
“Oh, well that’s great, Kuriza, I’m glad to hear that you and your mother have benefitted so greatly from my demise…” Frieza seethed, glaring angrily at his son. Kuriza sweat dropped.   
“Well, I never said –”   
“So tell me about this new form!” Frieza cut him off. “I would love to think that my son is the most powerful being in the universe now, but I know that can’t possibly be true because he _**hasn’t come to avenge me**_!”

Vegeta started to snigger.  
“A good father, huh? Yeah Frieza your kid loves you, that’ll be why he doesn’t give a crap that you’re dead.” He smirked.  
“ _ **Shut up Vegeta**_!” Frieza roared.

Kuriza started to tremble slightly.  
“P-Papa…”  
“So, my dear child…” Frieza wrapped his tail around Kuriza’s throat and held him up in front of him, glaring at the younger icejin. “Do you mind explaining to me just what you’ve been doing all these years? I mean seriously! After all the effort I put into raising you! Not to mention the fact that if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be alive!”  
“I know, right!” King Piccolo called over from the other side of the room. “It fucking hurts doesn’t it!”  
“Yes Piccolo, it does!” Frieza called back. “How about we rip Kuriza and Junior apart? We can do it together and each take a piece of them as a souvenir!”  
“Sounds good!” King Piccolo agreed.  
“Papa, no!” Kuriza cried, his eyes glistening. “Please… please don’t! You don’t understand – I wanted to avenge you, but… but Grandpa and Uncle Coola did that, and they got killed!”  
“Oh, right! So you thought you would take the easy way out? You valued your own life over avenging your father, is that what you’re trying to tell me!” Frieza snarled.  
“Well I… I thought that’s what you would do!” Kuriza protested, trying to break out of Frieza’s grasp. “I just… I just wanted to be like you, Papa… I wanted to do everything just like you would…”  
“Huh?” Frieza blinked. He looked at Kuriza, softening slightly. “… Really?” Frieza asked. Kuriza nodded.  
“I’m sorry, Papa…” He mumbled. “I let you down…”  
“Awww, isn’t that cute! Frieza, he totally idolises you!” Turnipa beamed. Frieza blushed, and started to lower his tail.  
“… well…” He released Kuriza from his grasp and looked at him. “I suppose I can’t blame you for wanting to act like me – I am a good role model. But I’m still mad at you, Kuriza! I want you to make it up to me right this second!”   
“Anything, name it!” Kuriza insisted.  
“Well I want to score tonight, with pretty much everybody here. Be my wingman and I’ll think about calling it quits.” Frieza said.  
“Oh… Okay, Papa.” Kuriza nodded, and looked at Turnipa. “Hm?”

Kuriza suddenly started staring at Turnipa, frowning as if he were trying to place her. Turnipa stared back, confused. “… Oh, I remember now!” Kuriza gasped. “I thought I’d heard your name before, Your Highness. Queen Turnipa – Papa told me all about you!”  
“Oh really?” Turnipa uttered, blushing. “What did he say?”  
“He said that you’re one of the most beautiful women in the universe, and he can’t believe you’re wasting your time on that saiyan brute King Vegeta, because if you were with Papa he’d treat you like the queen you are.” Kuriza smiled.  
“What!” King Vegeta barked. “What the hell, Frieza!”  
“What?” Frieza frowned. “I never said –”  
“Frieza…” Turnipa purred. She leaned against him, her tail trailing along his. “Did you… really say that…?” She asked. Frieza looked at Kuriza, and Kuriza winked back. Frieza smirked.  
“ _Good work, Son_.” He whispered to him.  
“ _Can I have a planet now_?” Kuriza asked.  
“ _ **No**_! _You can have another day of existence_!” Frieza hissed and hit Kuriza with his tail. He then looked at Turnipa. “Well what can I say? I guess I just know a gemstone when I see one, Turnipa.”  
“Frieza…” Turnipa smiled, blushing.  
“Hey!” King Vegeta stepped between the two of them, pushing them away from each other. He glared at Frieza. “Shut the hell up, Frieza! This is **my** woman, get your own property!”  
“Property!” Turnipa gasped. “Oh my God – Frieza, can you believe that? You’d never treat me like that, right?”  
“Of course not, Turnipa.” Frieza replied, and smirked. “Although I would _own_ you.” Turnipa started giggling, her whole face turning scarlet.  
“Frieza!” She squealed.   
“Whore.” King Vegeta muttered angrily.

Cell and Zarba joined the group, and Cell let out a reluctant sigh.   
“Okay… let’s get this over with.” He groaned and looked at Kuriza. “Hi, Kid. I’m your father’s business partner. That’s all. That’s definitely all we are.” He put his arm around Zarba. “And this is my girlfriend, who your father has had no physical contact with whatsoever.”  
“Seriously, Cell?” Frieza uttered flatly.  
“I couldn’t care less Frieza, you’re lucky I’m not just killing the brat.” Cell growled. Kuriza looked at Zarba and his eyes widened.  
“Wow! You’re… beautiful!” He gasped. “I could just stare at you all day!”  
“Thank you. You’re pretty cute yourself.” Zarba said with a smirk.  
“Tch. Whatever.” King Vegeta grunted bitterly. “Hey Frieza at least _**I**_ have children that actually grow up – this runt’s even shorter than you!”  
“Well of course he is Vegeta, he isn’t fully grown yet!” Frieza argued. “Icejins age slowly you moron, he might be mentally capable of running his own empire but physically Kuriza isn’t that much older than your grandson.”  
“… Oh.” King Vegeta uttered. “… … Yeah well he looks like a chestnut. And I bet your wife’s hideous.”  
“Vegeta! Stop being bitter!” Turnipa scolded.  
“See Vegeta, this is why she’s unfaithful to you. You’re terrible to be around.” Frieza said.

Kuriza yawned.  
“Papa… Can I have a drink?” He asked.  
“Hm? Oh. Yeah sure you can have a glass of wine – to take to bed. This is way too late for you.” Frieza answered and called into the kitchen, “Bulma! Is it okay if my son sleeps here tonight?”  
“Yeah that’s fine he can share Trunks’ room – and congratulations by the way!” Bulma called back. “Is it that kid you’re stood with?”  
“Yeah!” Frieza replied.  
“Oh my God he’s the image of you! Seriously, he’s gorgeous – he’s going to make a young girl very happy one day!” Bulma exclaimed.  
“Thanks!” Frieza smiled.

Vegeta stood there in silence, staring blankly into nothingness. Tarble looked at him, concerned.  
“Vegeta, are you okay –”  
“Yeah I’m fine, I’m just zoning out.” Vegeta said. “Get me a beer.” Tarble nodded and went to get his brother a beer.

Frieza looked at Kuriza sternly.  
“Okay, go to bed. I’ll be in later to check on you.” He ordered.  
“What? But Papa, I just got here!” Kuriza protested.  
“So what? Do you think Cinderella would have been given more time if she only arrived at midnight?” Frieza growled. “This is what you get for not being organised, you need to manage your time better!” He hit Kuriza forcefully, leaving a bruise on the younger icejin’s cheek. “Now go to bed, I won’t tell you again!”  
“Yes Papa… I’m sorry.” Kuriza whimpered and walked away.

Goku was watching the scene with Piccolo. He took a swig of his beer.  
“Wow. That is one obedient kid.” Goku stated. “Hey Piccolo, I bet it kind of makes you wish you’d had Frieza’s son instead, right?”  
“… not entirely.” Piccolo replied.  
“Yeah well I do. I want a whole new family.” Goku said, and downed the rest of his beer.


	15. Trunks' Acting and Goku's Cloud

As the party continued Goku and Chichi were singing on the karaoke machine.  
“ _I can show you the world_ ,” Goku sang. “ _Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide_ …?”  
“Ugh.” Frieza gagged, watching them from the kitchen. “Are they really doing that song? That is so cliché.”  
“How adorable… Doesn’t it just make you want to throw up?” Zarba said with a smirk. Frieza smirked back.  
“Yeah.”  
“ _I can open your eyes_ ,” Goku continued to sing. “ _Take you wonder by wonder. Over, sideways and under, on a magic carpet ride_ …”  
“Yeah, if you don’t fall through the carpet!” Frieza called.  
“Shut the fuck up, Frieza!” Goku yelled and fired a ki blast at him, causing Frieza to snigger.

Standing next to Frieza, Cell started to laugh.  
“Frieza…” He began. “Not that I don’t find this amusing, but if you really want to ‘hit that’, maybe you should stop pissing him off.”  
“Aww, and what would be the fun in that?” Frieza replied. “I like them angry.”  
“Yeah there’s nothing sexier than a pissed-off saiyan.” Bulma nodded in agreement. “Why do you think I’ve been flirting with other guys in front of Vegeta all night?”  
“Really…?” Vegeta blinked, looking at her. “That’s all you were doing?”  
“Mm-hm!” Bulma smiled, nodding.  
“What! You mean you were just using me to make him jealous?” Frieza gasped. “… I’m really hurt by that, you know! I thought we had a connection!”  
“Well, we still could… I’m sure there are parts of us that would connect pretty well.” Bulma said and winked at him, causing Frieza to smirk.  
“Dammit Bulma!” Vegeta snarled and turned super saiyan. Bulma shivered excitedly.   
“Not now Vegeta, save it for later.” She purred.  
“Whore.” Frieza muttered bitterly. 

Cell looked at Vegeta, eyeing up his golden aura, his gritted teeth and the fiery rage that burned in his eyes.  
“… Mm-hm.” He grunted, and licked his lips. Zarba smirked, also eyeing up Vegeta.  
“Finally a version of Yasa I can get on board with.” She purred and looked at the saiyan. “You ever tried sleeping with a real beauty, Tough Guy?”  
“What? What the hell are you talking about! He sleeps with _me_ every night!” Bulma snapped.   
“That’s what I meant.” Zarba sniped.  
“Whatever!” Bulma hissed. “As if you’re that much better looking than me!”  
“Bulma… I hate to break it to you but she does kind of make you look like road kill.” Yamcha uttered, overhearing the conversation. Zarba smirked triumphantly and shot Bulma a nasty glance.   
“Shut up, Yamcha! We all know you still wouldn’t say no to me!” Bulma snarled.  
“… I grew up in the desert, Bulma. Of **course** I wouldn’t say no to road kill.” Yamcha replied flatly.   
“Whatever.” Bulma growled and looked away, folding her arms in anger. 

Meanwhile Kuriza emerged from Trunks’ bedroom and headed for the kitchen, walking past Goku and Chichi as they continued to sing.  
“ _A whole new world_ …” Goku sang, followed by Chichi,  
“ _A whole new world_ …”  
“ _That's where we'll be_ …”  
“ _That's where we'll be_ …”  
“ _A thrilling chase_ …”  
“ _A wondrous place_ …” Chichi smiled, and they both sang the last line together, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes,  
“ _For you and me_ …”  
“Aww.” Zarba uttered, watching them. “Doesn’t it just make you want to squeeze them so tight you crush their tiny little brains?” Cell looked down at Zarba and smirked, amused by her choice of words.  
“I love you.” He smiled. Frieza laughed.

Kuriza entered the kitchen and approached Frieza.  
“Papa?” He began.   
“What? Kuriza! I told you to go to bed!” Frieza barked.  
“I know, but I can’t sleep… Can I have a glass of milk?” Kuriza asked. Frieza let out a sigh, annoyed.   
“Fine, but take it with you.” He growled.  
“Okay! Thank you.” Kuriza beamed, grinning widely and exposing his teeth.  
“What the –” Frieza suddenly grabbed hold of Kuriza’s jaw and examined him. “Did you not brush your teeth?” He snarled. “You have to brush your teeth before you go to bed Kuriza, you know that!”  
“But Trunks and Goten didn’t brush their teeth.” Kuriza whined.   
“Trunks and Goten are feral! You are from a species that actually completed its evolution!” Frieza barked. “Now brush your teeth before I _pull them out_!”  
“Yes Papa… I’m sorry.” Kuriza nodded apologetically. 

After handing the microphone to Gohan, Goku entered the kitchen.  
“Hey.” He greeted the others.   
“Oh! Mr. Goku – Goten said can he have a soda to take to bed with him?” Kuriza asked.  
“Huh?” Goku uttered, getting himself a beer. “Oh – yeah, that’s fine.”  
“What! No it’s not!” Frieza yelled. “Are you seriously going to give your child a **stimulant** as a bedtime drink? Do you have any idea how pointless that is!” He looked at Kuriza. “Goten can have a glass of milk, and if he has a problem with that he can take it up with me and lose his arms in the process. Do you understand?”  
“Yes Papa…” Kuriza nodded.  
“Here.” Frieza held three glasses of milk out to his son. “Give one to Trunks as well. Do you want me to carry one for you?”  
“No it’s okay – I got it.” Kuriza replied and took the glasses. “Thank you, Papa.” He smiled, and left the room.

Goku took a swig of his beer and looked at Frieza.  
“Wow. Frieza you really got this parenting thing mastered – honestly I have no idea what to do with Goten. I mean… Gohan I understood, I totally connected with Gohan, but Goten… I guess I kind of just zone out and let him do whatever he wants.”  
“What? That’s incredibly irresponsible Goku, _why_ do you do that?” Frieza frowned.  
“Well, you know…” Goku shrugged. “I missed out on the first seven years of his life, so… I guess I kind of decided to just cut my losses.”  
“What!” Frieza gasped. “Are you seriously saying that the reason you aren’t raising your son properly is because you already spent seven years not raising him at all? Is that actually an acceptable sentence to you!”  
“Yeah.” Goku answered, and took another swig of his beer. “But feel free to go ahead and fight me over it, that always seems to work out well for you.” 

Frieza stood there in silence, unable to think of a response.  
“Burned.” Vegeta smirked.  
“Shut up Vegeta.” Frieza growled.

Meanwhile in Trunks’ room, Trunks was lying in his bed while Goten and Kuriza were lying in futons on the floor; all three of them were wide awake.   
“Dammit! I’m not sleepy at all!” Trunks growled.  
“Do you wanna play a game?” Goten asked.  
“Guys, keep it down! If my Papa walks past and hears us talking he’ll kill us!” Kuriza whispered.   
“Tch. Yeah right!” Trunks snorted. “Your dad isn’t so tough. My dad could beat him with his eyes closed.”  
“Yeah! Mine too!” Goten grinned.  
“Yeah right! Papa’s the strongest guy in the universe!” Kuriza growled.  
“Maybe he was at one time, but not now.” Trunks replied.  
“Yeah! Now our dads are the strongest!” Goten nodded.  
“Hm…” Kuriza rolled onto his side to look at the two demisaiyans. He studied them for a moment, and then a wicked smirk formed on his lips. “Hey… Goten, you wanted to play a game, right? Well, I’ve got one that all of us can play.” He said.  
“Oh yeah? What’s it called?” Trunks asked.  
“Dragonball Z.” Kuriza replied.  
“Dragonball Z?” Goten blinked. Kuriza nodded.  
“How do you play that?” Trunks frowned.   
“It’s easy. I’ll be Lord Frieza, you be Vegeta…” Kuriza looked at Goten. “And you be Goku.”   
“Uh… okay.” Goten uttered.  
“Kuriza, are we going to like this game?” Trunks questioned, looking at the icejin sceptically.   
“Of course! It’s lots of fun – actually it’ll be more fun for you than anybody, Trunks!” Kuriza beamed.  
“Are you sure about that?” Trunks replied, not convinced.   
“Of course!” Kuriza grinned. “Now, I’ll start us off… This round is called the Namek Saga. Trunks, you start by rebelling against me.”   
Trunks sweat dropped. 

Back in the living room, Frikiza stepped up behind King Piccolo and playfully tapped his left shoulder with her tail.  
“Hm?” King Piccolo grunted and looked to his left, but by that time Frikiza had already moved to his right. King Piccolo looked to his right, and almost jumped when he saw her smiling at him. “Oh – hey!” He uttered, flashing her an overly-enthusiastic smile. “Sorry I’ve been ignoring you all night. I’ve been playing it cool - - I mean uh… I’ve been… acting cool, you know. For Junior. I’ve been showing Junior how to act cool.” King Piccolo said.   
“Kind of feels like you’ve been doing the exact opposite…” Piccolo uttered from the corner of the room. King Piccolo fired a ki blast at him, and grinned at Frikiza nervously.   
“Oh, it’s okay.” Frikiza smiled. “I’ve been talking to Zarba.”  
“Oh…” King Piccolo suddenly looked disheartened. “You’re… not getting back with her, are you?”  
“Oh – no! No, we’re just friends.” Frikiza replied.  
“Oh, okay!” King Piccolo grinned, suddenly looking happier. “Great! I mean - - yeah, whatever. Your loss. She’s a beautiful girl. So is Bulma, and Chichi, and Android 18, and Turnipa, and Gure… I’m totally into like every girl here – I haven’t missed anyone off the list have I?” He said casually. Frikiza blushed.  
“Uh… well…”  
“Nah I haven’t missed anybody. Nobody that matters.” King Piccolo said.

Meanwhile the mutant nameks were at a safe distance, watching the scene.   
“He’s nailing it!” Tambourine grinned.  
“Yes, he’s really got this playing it cool thing mastered!” Piano nodded. Piccolo just looked at them flatly, marvelling at how ridiculous they were. 

Back over by King Piccolo, Frikiza looked hurt.  
“Yeah…” She mumbled and looked away. “Nobody that matters…”  
“Huh?” King Piccolo blinked, looking at her in confusion.   
“I think I’m… gonna go outside for some fresh air.” Frikiza uttered and she walked past him, towards the door.   
“What the hell!” King Piccolo frowned.

The mutant nameks join him and grinned at their master admirably.   
“King Piccolo, that was marvellous!” Piano exclaimed.   
“Yeah, you really got her hooked!” Tambourine beamed.  
“Well then… why is she walking away looking upset?” King Piccolo asked in bewilderment.  
“She’s playing hard to get!” Cymbal answered.   
“Yeah!” Drum nodded. “Now you should make a move on her!”  
“Oh… really?” King Piccolo uttered. Piccolo rolled his eyes.  
_“Idiots.”_ He thought to himself.  
“Okay well… what do I do?” King Piccolo asked the mutants. Piano smiled at the king slyly.  
“We have just the thing…”

Meanwhile, in Trunks’ room, Trunks was glaring at Kuriza angrily.   
“No! I’m not doing that Kuriza, it’s stupid!” He pouted.  
“I’m not Kuriza, I’m Lord Frieza!” Kuriza declared. “And you have to do it! You have to cry, that’s how it works! Mwahahaha, I’m going to kill you, you little monkey, just like I killed your father King Vegeta because I’m the evil Frieza, Lord of the Universe!” He pulled Trunks into a headlock. “Now cry before you end up with broken legs too!”  
“No way! I’m not doing that! Crying’s for sissies!” Trunks growled, breaking away from him.  
“So are you saying your father is a sissy?” Kuriza questioned.   
“N-No! I mean – that was totally different! It was a whole different situation!” Trunks protested.   
“Right, it was the most iconic scene of all time!” Kuriza exclaimed. “The brave Prince Vegeta, the last in his bloodline, fighting to the death and finally being beaten down by Lord Frieza, with nobody but a low-class saiyan to hear his last words, he rests the future of the universe and everything he ever stood for in the hands of someone who might become the super saiyan he could never become himself… And it’s such an emotional scene he cries! Now cry! That is a direct order off Lord Frieza!”  
“No! I don’t like this game, Kuriza!” Trunks argued.  
“I’m not Kuriza I’m Lord Frieza! And you only don’t like it because your acting skills are terrible – but you’re never going to get better if you don’t try!” Kuriza suddenly pulled on Trunks’ broken arms. “Now do it!” He ordered.  
“Ow!” Trunks screamed in pain. “Hey let go!”  
“Haha, that’s the spirit!” Kuriza grinned and pulled harder. “Mwahaha are you ready to give up Vegeta? If you ask me nicely I might just make your death quick and painless!” 

Trunks spat at Kuriza and glared at him angrily.  
“Bite me!” He snarled.  
“No Trunks he can’t bite you – I have to bite him later.” Goten said.  
“Huh!” Kuriza gasped. “No way! That’ll really hurt – you can’t do that!”  
“But… you said we had to re-enact it exactly.” Goten uttered.   
“We do, but… we can leave that part out.” Kuriza replied.  
“Well if he’s not biting you then I’m not crying!” Trunks huffed, and broke out of Kuriza’s grasp.   
“What!” Kuriza cried. “No – you have to cry, it’s a really important scene!”  
“Well me biting you is an important scene – it’s funny!” Goten grinned.  
“Yeah!” Trunks nodded, smirking.  
“Grrr… **Fine**! Don’t cry!” Kuriza snarled, and punched Trunks to the floor.  
“Hey –” Trunks was cut off by Kuriza pushing his face into the floor.  
“Ha! You’re dead now!” Kuriza grinned. “Bury him, Goku!” He threw a pillow at Goten.

Goten looked at the pillow in confusion.   
“Uh…” He sweat dropped.   
“This is stupid –” Trunks was cut off once again, this time by Goten pushing the pillow down onto his head.  
“Vegeta you’re dead remember? I’m burying you now!” Goten exclaimed, and starting piling pillows on top of Trunks.  
“This is stupid!” Trunks snarled. He threw the pillows off himself and turned super saiyan in anger.  
“Trunks! I’m the one that’s supposed to do that!” Goten protested.  
“Yeah, you’re doing it all wrong!” Kuriza yelled and hit Trunks’ broken arms, causing the demisaiyan to screams in pain.  
“That’s better.” Kuriza smirked. “You’re still supposed to be dead, though!” He scolded, and Goten once again covered Trunks with pillows.

Back at the party, Frikiza was stood outside the door of Capsule Corps, staring into space with a broken heart and glistening eyes when King Piccolo suddenly came up beside her.  
“Hey.” He uttered.  
“Oh… Hi.” Frikiza mumbled.   
“Are you okay?” King Piccolo asked.  
“Mm-hm…” Frikiza nodded, not looking at him.  
_“She seems kind of sad…”_ King Piccolo thought to himself. “… Uh… what are you thinking about?”  
“Oh… just silly stuff.” Frikiza replied, and moved her eyes to the floor. “Like… what it’d be like to be… really beautiful.”  
“Oh.” King Piccolo uttered. “Well uh… why are you wondering that? Don’t you know what it feels like already?”  
“What…?” Frikiza mumbled, and looked at him. King Piccolo suddenly realised what he’d said, and blushed.   
“Oh, well… you know. Whatever. Maybe you’re beautiful. Or not. Whatevs.” He said casually. 

Meanwhile Piccolo and the mutant nameks were watching the scene from a distance. Tambourine let out a sigh.  
“Phew! That was close! Lucky he saved it!” He gasped. The other mutants all nodded in agreement while Piccolo looked at them questionably.   
“… Seriously?” He frowned. 

King Piccolo rubbed the back of his neck.  
“So uh…” He looked over at the other nameks and winked at them, before turning back to Frikiza. “I was gonna go get a beer. Come if you want. It’s not like I care.”  
“Well… okay.” Frikiza nodded, and she started to follow him.

Within seconds of them entering the house the mutant nameks jumped out at King Piccolo and Frikiza.  
“Hi guys!” Piano, Tambourine and Drum all exclaimed.  
“Hi!” Cymbal smiled, flying directly above King Piccolo and Frikiza.  
“So Frikiza, how much do you know about Earth culture anyway?” Tambourine asked.  
“Oh… Not a lot, really. I never lived here, after all.” Frikiza replied.  
“So you don’t know about mistletoe?” Drum questioned. Frikiza shook her head.  
“Mm-mm.” She answered.  
“Oh, well allow me to educate you.” Piano began. “Mistletoe is a type of plant that appears all year round, and if two people get caught under it they have to kiss otherwise they will both die instantly. And remember – it can happen at any time of the year, despite what others might try to tell you.” Piccolo let out a sigh.  
“Oh really…? That sounds kind of scary.” Frikiza sweat dropped.   
“Yeah I guess it is.” Tambourine nodded. “But don’t worry there’s none around here –” He suddenly gasped. “Oh – oh my God! Cymbal! What’s that on your foot!”

Cymbal looked down, and his eyes widened dramatically when he saw that he had a plant tied to his foot.  
“Oh no… How awful!” He cried.  
“Oh – isn’t this terrible! It’s mistletoe! And King Piccolo – it’s right over you and Frikiza!” Piano gasped. The mutant nameks all groaned in fear, and Piccolo just groaned. 

Frikiza looked up, a look of worry sweeping across her face when she saw the mistletoe.  
“Huh…?” She whimpered.  
“Frikiza don’t worry about it.” Piccolo said. “It just so happens that mistletoe doesn’t affect icejins or demons –”  
“Heyyyyy, you know what else is an Earth tradition?” Drum exclaimed, yanking Piccolo into a headlock. “Beating the crap out of the youngest sibling!”  
“Yeah I’ve heard that too!” Tambourine nodded and forcefully squeezed Piccolo’s antennae, causing him to scream.

King Piccolo looked at Frikiza.  
“Uh… well…” He blushed. “I don’t want to die…”  
“Me neither.” Frikiza replied, also blushing. “So, I guess…”  
“Yeah…” King Piccolo mumbled. 

Frikiza hesitated, then started to lean closer to him. King Piccolo’s heart skipped a beat and he closed his eyes in anticipation, counting down the seconds until…  
“Oh!”  
“Hm?”

King Piccolo opened his eyes to see Frikiza looking at the plant.  
“I know that – it’s just basil. I guess we won’t die after all.” She smiled.  
“Yeah… how… how fortunate…” King Piccolo said disappointedly.   
“Let’s go get a drink.” Frikiza beamed and walked past them.  
“Be right there!” King Piccolo called after her. He waited for her to disappear, and then glared at the mutants angrily. “Can’t you fools do _**anything**_ right!” He roared.  
“We’re sorry, King Piccolo!” Piano whimpered.  
“We couldn’t find any mistletoe, but we didn’t think she’d know the difference!” Tambourine protested.  
“Well she did! You guys are one step away from being on the same level as Junior!” King Piccolo snarled, causing the mutants to gasp in horror.  
“But King Piccolo… don’t say that…” Cymbal sobbed.  
“We aren’t that bad, are we?” Drum whined.  
“Whatever.” Piccolo growled, and made his way into the living room. “Idiots.” He muttered.

Piccolo leaned back and noticed he was leaning on something that was lower than him. He assumed it was a chair so he jumped back onto the object, and everybody in the room immediately froze and stared at him with wide eyes. “Hm?” Piccolo frowned in confusion, and looked down. “… Oh.” He uttered, suddenly realising he was sitting on the Nimbus Cloud. “… well this is embarrassing…”  
“Heyyyyy look at that!” Goku beamed and approached Piccolo. “So Piccolo – I couldn’t help but notice you’re sitting on my cloud!”  
“Uh…” Piccolo blushed. “Yeah I… I guess I’ve been good lately…”  
“Aw that’s great! Really great!” Goku grinned. “So anyway, don’t take this the wrong way but if you don’t get the fuck off that cloud in the next five seconds I’m going to shred your brains up.”  
“What? Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?” Piccolo sweat dropped. “Goku it’s just a cloud –”  
“ _ **Get the fuck off there before I blow this entire planet apart**_!” Goku roared, suddenly turning super saiyan, his aura so powerful it shattered the windows.  
“Wow. He’s really pissed!” Yamcha cried.  
“Goku, settle down!” Piccolo protested. “You know maybe this is why you can’t ride this thing anymore –” 

He was suddenly silenced by Goku firing a ki blast at him.  
“I swear to God Piccolo I will turn you back into an egg and make you into an omelette then eat you and cough you up again and stomp on you if you _don’t get off that cloud_!” Goku screamed, becoming so enraged his eyeballs turned into flames.  
“Wow.” Vegeta uttered, wide-eyed.  
“Even I think that’s extreme.” Frieza said.  
“Shut the hell up Goku, you’re acting like an idiot.” Piccolo scolded.  
“Oh yeah?” Goku snarled. “I think your dad said something similar to me right before I killed him!”  
“Oh, now we’re doing dead father jokes? Thanks for the comeback, _Frieza_!” Piccolo growled.  
“Haha, I got a reference!” Frieza grinned.  
“Go you!” Bulma smiled. Vegeta went silent, zoning out again.  
“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” Goku roared, suddenly charging at Piccolo just as there was another knock on the door.


	16. Goku's Cloud and Trunks' Acting

Bulma answered the door to Capsule Corps, and her eyes widened at the sight she saw before her.  
“Oh my God…” She uttered, turning pale. A blood-stained Krillin was stood on the doorstep, looking at her darkly.  
“Don’t ask.” He grunted.  
“Krillin – what happened –”  
“I said don’t ask!” Krillin barked. “Just let me use your bathroom, I want to freshen up before I go out there again.” He stepped past her and Bulma watched him walk away, blinking in confusion.  
“What the hell…?” She mumbled.

Back in the living room an enraged Goku charged at Piccolo.  
“Fuck you Piccolo!” He roared and swiped at the namek.  
“Goku, settle down!” Piccolo cried, narrowly evading the attack. “You know I bet this is why you fell through the cloud, you’re a jerk when you’re drunk!”

Goku stopped suddenly and looked at him.  
“Really? You think that’s all it is?” He asked.  
“Honestly I have no idea, but why don’t you try sobering up?” Piccolo grunted.  
“… Yeah…” Goku powered down, reverting back to his normal form. “Okay…” He finished his beer and looked at Piccolo apologetically. “Sorry, Piccolo. I’m gonna try and sober up now.” He said.  
“Glad to hear it.” Piccolo replied.

Suddenly Bardock approached the pair.  
“Kakarot, I’ve been looking all over for ya!” He beamed. “I got you a beer.”  
“Thanks.” Goku smiled. He took the beer and started drinking.  
“What – Goku! You just said you were going to stop drinking!” Piccolo protested.  
“Huh? Oh… yeah.” Goku blinked, looking at the beer in his hand. “I don’t know what it is – I never really drank much before tonight but now all I want to do is have another beer, it’s like I’m craving it or something. Seriously, I can see why people get their lives destroyed by this stuff.”  
“Oh come on Goku that’s ridiculous, you can’t be an alcoholic after one night.” Piccolo growled. “We’re talking about drinking here, not bloodlust.”  
“… Kind of a weird thing to say.” Goku uttered.  
“Haha! **Yes**! That’s my boy!” King Piccolo exclaimed from elsewhere in the room.

Piccolo blushed slightly and sweat dropped.  
“Yeah I uh… I don’t know what happened there… Anyway!” He looked at Goku. “Listen – I don’t know, maybe saiyans just get addicted quicker or something, but even if you have become an alcoholic, you have to stop drinking.”  
“Oh… Goku, I’d be careful if I were you.” Frieza warned. “I tried sobering up once and I just ended up feeling bad about all the stuff I’d done. I mean – if you want to hate yourself forever then by all means sober up, but if you actually want to enjoy your life then go ahead and finish that beer.”  
“… Well… I don’t want to _hate_ myself. I am my favourite person, after all…” Goku mumbled, and after a long moment of consideration he started to drink.  
“No way!” Piccolo snarled and snatched the beer from him. “Are you really going to take alcohol advice from an alcoholic?”  
“Well… he’d be the expert, right?” Goku reasoned.  
“Just go get some damn water.” Piccolo growled. 

Meanwhile, in Trunks’ room…  
“Ha!” Goten exclaimed as he jumped on top of Kuriza, pinning him down. “It’s over Frieza, you have to say sorry for all the mean stuff you’ve done and then go and live in peace and leave us alone!”  
“No! I am the great Lord Frieza, I don’t apologise or live in peace! Now get me some wine you stupid monkey!” Kuriza barked.  
“You can’t drink now, Planet Namek is about to explode!” Trunks protested, and used his ki to make the objects in his room fly around wildly.  
“Hey!” Kuriza cried, ducking as Trunks’ things came flying at him. “Vegeta, quit it! You’re dead! You can’t make stuff fly around!”  
“I’m not! They’re just getting blown by the wind because Namek’s so unstable!” Trunks insisted.  
“Yeah well stop it!” Kuriza snapped. “It’s dangerous – you shouldn’t be so careless with your stuff!”  
“What are you, my mom?” Trunks pouted. “You wanted acting – well now you got it! I’m creating an atmosphere!  
“Yeah well it’s stupid!” Kuriza looked at Goten. “Goku – he’s climbed out of his grave before he got wished back to life!”  
“What? No Trunks, that’s cheating!” Goten gasped, and started to bury Trunks again.  
“Quit it!” Trunks snarled, but his protests were in vein as he soon became entombed in pillows.

Back in the party Frieza finished his drink and let out a yawn, rubbing his eyes.  
“Wow… I think I’m getting too old for late-night parties.” He uttered. He flopped down onto the sofa, only to leap up at the feeling of something underneath him. “What the hell –” Frieza looked down to see Marron on the sofa, fast asleep. “What – What the hell is wrong with you people!” Frieza yelled. “I’ve never seen such rogue children! Whose is this one!”  
“That’s my daughter, what of it?” Android 18 replied, glaring at him.  
“Why are you letting her sleep on the sofa, surrounded by noise and alcohol?” Frieza snarled. “She can’t be more than four years old and she’s a girl! Put her in the spare room!”  
“Hey 18 if you want she can go in Trunks’ room with the boys –” Bulma started.  
“No, no she _cannot_ do that.” Frieza said firmly. “That’s how teen pregnancies happen, kids are being introduced to the opposite sex way to early these days.” He picked up Marron and handed her to Android 18. “Put her in the spare room.” He ordered. “And throw a blanket over her, she’s freezing!”  
“Holy fuck Frieza, lighten the hell up!” Bardock cried. “When my youngest was born I sent him off into space with no food or clothes or money and he turned out just fine!”  
“Are you talking about the guy who just tried to kill a namek for sitting on his cloud?” Frieza replied flatly.  
“… Yeah well his mother’s family were crazy, I think there’s some genetic shit going on there.” Bardock said, and drank his beer. 

Tambourine looked at the Nimbus Cloud.  
“You know, I could have sworn I destroyed that thing…” He mumbled.  
“Yeah you did, I got another one.” Goku said.  
“What, really?” King Piccolo groaned. “Even your stuff has nine lives! What’s the point in even trying to beat you?”  
“I know, right? Now you’re starting to get it.” Goku said with a smirk.  
“Jeez, what a jerk.” Cymbal growled.  
“Mm. I almost don’t want to tell him…” Piano uttered, nodding in agreement. “But if we don’t he might attack Junior again.”  
“So what? That’s all the more reason not to tell him!” Drum grinned.  
“Tell him what, guys?” Piccolo asked.  
“Well…” Piano began. “With everyone being released from hell for the night, the universe has sort of become… ‘unbalanced’. Good people that die are being sent to hell, and that cloud there – I suppose its calibration is off.”  
“Oh, that explains it! I knew there was something off about tonight.” Piccolo stated, and looked at Goku. “Hey Goku – you’re not evil, your Nimbus is just confused.”  
“Wow, really?” Goku grinned. “So – I’m really not a big-headed, arrogant, selfish, blood lusting jackass with a hero complex?”  
“… let’s just leave it at you’re not evil.” Piccolo replied.

Krillin approached the group, still covered in blood.  
“What’s going on?” He asked.  
“I might still be able to ride the Nimbus!” Goku beamed.  
“Yeah, because all the guys from hell are here it’s kind of messed up the order of things – which explains why you got sent to hell, Krillin. If you’d died tomorrow you wouldn’t have gone there.” Piccolo explained.  
“Oh.” Krillin uttered, and started to look uncomfortable. “… I kind of wish you guys had figured that out before I killed a bunch of people.” He said awkwardly.  
“Sorry, our bad.” Tambourine shrugged. “But it feels good, right?”  
“… I’m not saying I’ll ever do it again… but I’m glad I tried it.” Krillin nodded.  
“Good for you, Krillin!” Goku smiled. Piccolo let out a sigh.  
“This is fucking insane…”

Suddenly there was a loud bang coming from Trunks’ room.  
“Hm?” Frieza uttered, looking towards the sound. “What was that?” He asked.  
“Ah it’s probably the boys fighting or something.” Goku answered.  
“Fighting? They’re supposed to be asleep!” Frieza yelled and raced towards Trunks’ room, followed by Goku and Vegeta.

In Trunks’ room Kuriza was standing there with an alarm clock strapped to his head and his hands clenched into the empty glasses that once contained milk, laughing dramatically.  
“Ahahahaha! Behold! I have come back to life as a robot, and I’m going to destroy the Earth!” He exclaimed.  
“Like hell you are!” Trunks snarled and turned super saiyan. “I’m Trunks and I’m going to cut you up!” He held out his arm. “Servant! My sword!” He ordered.  
“Uh…” Goten scanned the room for something that could be used as a sword. “… Here!” He handed Trunks the third empty milk glass. Trunks stared down at the glass and then frowned at Goten.  
“This can’t be a sword! It’s not long enough!” He growled.  
“Sorry…” Goten mumbled.  
“Hey! Trunks never had a servant!” Kuriza protested. “And you’re supposed to be Vegeta anyway!”  
“Well if I’m still Vegeta then who’s gonna kill you?” Trunks asked. Kuriza smirked.  
“Good question. I guess this time the great Lord Frieza will not be killed!” He declared. “Now you stupid monkeys, give in to my demands and I might just spare you!”  
“What? No way! You can’t change history, that’s cheating!” Trunks snarled and took a fighting stance. “Prepare to get sliced, Frieza!”  
“No way!” Kuriza pouted. “I am the mighty Lord Frieza and I will **not** be destroyed by a wretched mon – monk…” His confidence suddenly dropped as he looked past Trunks, sweat dropping. “… Hi Papa.” Kuriza uttered sheepishly.  
“Hm?” Trunks and Goten blinked, and turned round to see Frieza, Goku and Vegeta standing in the doorway.  
“Look! It’s King Kold, Bardock and King Vegeta!” Goten gasped, and looked at Kuriza. “Do you want to attack them first?” He asked.  
“Uh…” Kuriza whimpered, trembling at the sight of his angered father.

Frieza was stood there with his arms folded, his tail lashing violently behind him, and his red eyes glowing as he stared at Kuriza.  
“Kuriza.” Frieza seethed. “I seem to recall ordering you three to go to bed. Do you mind explaining why you are still awake?”  
“We were… we were just… playing a game…” Kuriza answered nervously.  
“A game?” Frieza hissed.  
“Yeah – it was Goten’s idea!” Kuriza cried, pointing at Goten. “He made me do it!”  
“Huh? No I didn’t!” Goten protested.  
“And then Trunks kept cheating!” Kuriza exclaimed.  
“Shut up Kuriza, you were cheating too!” Trunks growled.

Vegeta looked at the boys.  
“What game were you playing?” He asked.  
“It’s called Dragonball Z.” Goten answered. Frieza, Goku and Vegeta all sweat dropped.  
“Dragonball Z?” They repeated.  
“Yeah.” Goten nodded. “I’m Goku, Trunks is Vegeta and also Big Trunks, and Kuriza is Frieza – but now he’s a robot because I beat him up and then I tried to help him escape Namek because it was going to explode, but then he tried to kill me so I just attacked him and he got blown up.”  
“Haha, that’s pretty accurate!” Goku exclaimed, grinning.  
“What? No it’s not!” Frieza barked.  
“Yeah it is.” Vegeta smirked.  
“Oh how the hell would you know? You were dead!” Frieza snarled at him, and glared at the boys. “And you three are supposed to be asleep!” He turned to Goku and Vegeta, his fists clenching in anger. “I blame you two for this! Kuriza **never** misbehaves at home, your wild monkey hybrids are a bad influence on him!” He yelled.  
“Shut up Frieza. Kuriza’s old enough to be their father, he should know better.” Vegeta growled.  
“Kuriza is still a child!” Frieza protested.  
“Well then what’s the harm in him playing a little game? I think it’s cute!” Goku smiled, and went over to sit with the boys. “Hey – can I play?” He asked.  
“Yeah, you can be Bardock!” Kuriza nodded and held his arm up to fire a ki blast at Goku. “Just stay there while I kill you.”  
“Okay, well I guess they can have five minutes. It is a special occasion, after all…” Frieza said with a smirk.  
“I’m not being King Vegeta.” Vegeta growled.

Goku looked at Kuriza’s hands and frowned in confusion.  
“Hey – why do you have glasses on your hands?” He questioned, and moved his eyes to Kuriza’s crown. “And an alarm clock on your head?”  
“Oh – well…” Kuriza lowered his eyes, blushing in embarrassment. “I’m a robot…”  
“ _ **What**_!” Frieza shrieked as Vegeta burst out laughing. “Kuriza, is that how you view me?” Frieza gasped. “You think I was just a stupid makeshift robot! Do you have _any_ idea what it was like losing three quarters of my body? Show some damn respect!”  
“I’m sorry, Papa!” Kuriza wailed. “I wasn’t trying to mock you, but - - we didn’t have a robot costume.”  
“Yeah!” Trunks held up his glass. “And look at my sword! It’s pathetic!”  
“Sword? What do you want a sword for?” Frieza frowned.  
“To cut you up.” Trunks answered, and grinned. “Actually, that’s perfect! Now that you’re here I can kill Frieza _and_ King Kold!”  
“Okay! Go Trunks!” Goku cheered.  
“No! _**Go to bed**_!” Frieza roared and blasted the kids.  
“Aww…” The boys all groaned in disappointment.  
“Guys – come on.” Frieza said to Goku and Vegeta, and he glared at the boys sternly as Goku rose from his feet to join him. “I will be walking past here in ten minutes.” Frieza said. “And if I so much as _think_ I hear any kind of movement coming from this room I will destroy all of you, do you understand!” He roared.  
“Yes Lord Frieza…” The boys mumbled.  
“Good. And Trunks –” Frieza uttered, noticing that Trunks had a pile of pillows near him. “Stop hogging all the pillows, they’re for Kuriza and Goten to use as well.”  
“Oh – we were just using them to build my grave.” Trunks said.  
“ _ **What**_!” Vegeta shrieked. Frieza laughed.  
“Alright then. Goodnight, Boys.” He smiled, and closed the bedroom door.


	17. Bulma's Mom

Later in the evening, everyone was gathered round the karaoke machine.  
“Okay, the next song is… Be Prepared!” Bulma announced. “Who wants this one?”  
“Oh, me! That’s totally my song, it’s perfectly suited to me and the saiyans!” Frieza grinned.  
“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Vegeta snarled. “ _Anything_ to take a swipe at me and my father!”  
“Yeah, pretty much.” Frieza said with a smirk. “What are you going to do about it, Simba?”  
“ _ **Simba**_!” Vegeta roared, powering up. “Are you for real!”  
“Of course. This song was made for me.” Frieza nodded. “I’m Scar, you’re Simba, your father is Mufasa, Raditz is Timon, Nappa is Pumbaa, Bulma is Nala, Zarbon is the girl hyena, Dodoria and the Ginyu Force are the other hyenas, Zazu… well I guess that’s Goku – and Bardock is the crazy monkey that sees stuff.”  
“Oh Frieza, don’t be a dick…” Bardock growled.  
“Wow. How much thought have you put into this, Frieza?” Vegeta sweat dropped.  
“A _lot_. Or at least somebody has.” Frieza replied.  
“Well obviously not enough!” Goku frowned. “Come on, Zazu? Seriously? He’s barely even a minor character! Listen, Frieza – I get the lead roles, okay? That’s kind of how stuff works around here.”  
“Well on this occasion you have to let Vegeta take the lead.” Frieza said.  
“… Okay. I’m actually in a really good mood because I just found out I can still ride the Nimbus, so I’ll do you a favour.” Goku began, and calmly took a swig of his beer. “I’ll pretend you never said that.”  
“Kakarot stop hogging all the spotlight!” Vegeta barked. “ _ **I’m**_ Simba! I’m the prince of saiyans so it makes sense! You can be my servant bird.”  
“Like hell I am!” Goku argued. “Listen. Vegeta. I think we both know how things work around here, don’t we?” He took another swig of his beer and stepped towards Vegeta. “So why don’t you –” Goku was suddenly cut off by Frieza’s tail coming between him and Vegeta, and he looked at Frieza in confusion.  
“Goku. If Vegeta wants to be the lead role then let him do it. Do you really think you’ll be able to ride your cloud if you don’t learn to share?” Frieza hissed.  
“… Huh.” Goku uttered, considering the notion.  
“What the hell?” Vegeta blinked.  
“… I guess you’re right, Frieza…” Goku mumbled, and sighed. “Okay.” He turned to Vegeta. “You can be Simba. Just… let me be Simba next time, okay?”  
“Fine…” Vegeta uttered, confused. Goku just smiled and walked away.

Vegeta turned to Frieza.  
“What the _**hell**_!” He snarled. “Do you really think I need you to fight my battles for me? I’m strong enough to kill you!”  
“Hm? Oh… No, don’t get confused, Vegeta. I wasn’t trying to be nice to you.” Frieza replied. “I don’t care how old you get or how strong you become, I took ownership of you decades ago, and as far as I’m concerned you’re still mine, and I will _not_ tolerate another lion trying to claim one of my cubs. Nobody orders you around except me, do you understand?”  
“Shut up, Frieza. You really think I’m going to listen to you now? My tail is more powerful than you!” Vegeta snarled.  
“You don’t have a tail.” Frieza said. Vegeta smirked.  
“Exactly.” He kicked Frieza forcefully, causing the icejin to fall to the floor. “Enjoy your song, ‘Scar’.” Vegeta spat, and walked past Frieza.  
“Jerk.” Frieza growled and called after Vegeta, “I’m gonna be thinking of killing your father while I sing this!”  
“Ooo!” Turnipa squealed and patted King Vegeta’s arm excitedly. “Did you hear that? You got a song dedication, how exciting!”  
“I know, right? I feel like a groupie!” King Vegeta beamed.  
“What the hell!” Vegeta cried, and Frieza started singing. 

Meanwhile the door to Capsule Corps opened and Bulma’s parents came staggering in, making their way to the party guests.  
“Oh! Hey! How was the theatre?” Bulma greeted them with a smile.  
“Oh… Oh it – it was wonderful, Dear!” Mrs Brief replied, trying to keep her composure. “So moving and… and dignified.”  
“What did you see?” Bulma asked.  
“Avenue Q.” Her mother answered.  
“Uh-huh…” Bulma sweat dropped. 

King Vegeta looked up and settled his eyes on Bulma’s parents.  
“Hey.” He grabbed Vegeta. “Who are they?”  
“Hm? Oh, they’re Bulma’s parents.” Vegeta answered, following his father’s gaze.  
“Oh! Vegeta, you should introduce yourself to her father!” Turnipa beamed, looking at her husband.  
“Hm? Oh…” King Vegeta let out a loud, exhausted sigh. “Alright, fine…” He approached Bulma’s parents just as Bulma went to get a drink. “Hey. So uh… listen.” King Vegeta looked at Dr. Brief. “I’m Vegeta’s father, King Vegeta, and my son wants to bang your daughter. Is that okay with you?” 

Vegeta buried face in his hands, appalled at what his father had just said.  
“Yep. Dads aren’t always cool.” Piccolo grunted, looking at him.  
“Well… isn’t it a little late to be asking me that? They have a child.” Dr. Brief replied, staring at King Vegeta in bewilderment.  
“Hey – give me a break, I’ve been dead!” King Vegeta protested and called over to Vegeta, “Vegeta I hate this guy! I’m going to kill him and then I want you to sell his daughter!”  
“Father I’m not going to do that.” Vegeta growled.  
“Oh come on – I know she’s used but she’s in good condition, you’ll get a good price for her.” King Vegeta reasoned. “I bet Frieza will buy her – and hey! He’ll take your kid off your hands for you too.”  
“Yeah? And you think that’s a good service?” Vegeta uttered flatly.  
“Oh my…” Mrs Brief blushed and took hold of King Vegeta’s arm. “Well I can see where Vegeta gets his good looks from!” She crooned.  
“Huh?” King Vegeta blinked.  
“Tell me – is there a Queen Vegeta?” Mrs Brief smiled. King Vegeta stared at her for a moment, then smirked.  
“Actually, I’m a widower.” He purred.  
“What? I’m sitting right here!” Turnipa yelled.  
“You still died.” King Vegeta growled.

Meanwhile Frieza was finishing off his song.  
“ _ **Be preparrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred**_!” He boomed, and then smiled in satisfaction as he basked in his own glory, confident that he had performed the song better than anybody else in the universe. Everyone in the room stared at him with wide eyes and looked across the damage he had done. The ceiling was collapsing in parts, the walls were on fire and there was smoke coming from the great mounds of earth that had erupted through the floor. Frieza looked around. “… Huh. I guess I overdid it on the dramatics.” He said, and shrugged. “Well, I did say it was my song.” He went over to Cell, and took back the drink Cell had been holding for him. Krillin looked around at the devastation Frieza had left behind and sweat dropped.  
“I hope I don’t get roped into cleaning up…” He mumbled.

Frieza looked at Cell, noticing that he was staring across the room.  
“What are you looking at?” He asked.  
“Those two that just came in… Who are they?” Cell responded.  
“Oh – they’re Bulma’s parents, Dr. and Mrs Brief.” Gohan answered as he walked past.  
“Bulma’s parents?” Frieza repeated.  
“Huh…” Cell uttered.

They both looked at Bulma’s mother, and then at each other… and smirked.  
“Bulma’s mom.” Frieza stated.  
“Bulma’s mom.” Cell purred.  
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Frieza smirked, his eyes twinkling wickedly.  
“Yep!” Cell downed his drink and walked towards the couple. “Let’s go say hi to Mrs Robinson.”

Meanwhile Goku leapt up and grabbed the karaoke mic.  
“Okay, my turn! I want to celebrate not being evil anymore!” He beamed.  
“Oh come on Goku, you were never evil.” Krillin replied. “Hey – have you tried to ride your Nimbus Cloud again?”  
“Well no, but… the guys from hell are still here, right? So I’m gonna wait until they’ve gone home before I try it again, just in case the Nimbus is still confused.” Goku answered.  
“That’s a good plan.” Bulma nodded, smiling at him. She started scrolling through the karaoke songs. “So do you have a particular one you want to sing, or – ?”  
“There!” Goku suddenly pointed at the screen. “That one! That’s totally my song!” He exclaimed. Bulma looked at the screen, and sweat dropped. 

Elsewhere in the room Frieza and Cell approach Dr. and Mrs Brief.  
“Hi. You must be Bulma’s parents.” Frieza greeted them.  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Cell smiled.  
“Oh! And you, uh - -” Dr. Brief looked at the pair, trying to place them.  
“Oh – sorry. I’m Cell, and this is my partner Frieza. We’re friends of your daughter.” Cell stated.  
“Yes.” Frieza nodded and smiled at the couple politely. “… … Okay so that’s the introductions over.” He put his arm around Mrs Brief and looked at her wickedly. “How would you like to finish off what Bulma started the minute I arrived here?”  
“Oh, well…” Mrs Brief uttered, blushing.  
“Uh… what do you mean?” Dr. Brief asked nervously.  
“He means we’re borrowing your wife, and you can either accept that or we’ll kill you. Unless you want to start experimenting in your old age.” Cell answered, and started to laugh mockingly at Dr. Brief.  
“Wonderful phrasing, Cell!” Frieza complimented him, and joined in Cell’s laughter.

Dr. Brief looked at them curiously.  
“Well… I do make a living out of experiments…” He mumbled. Frieza and Cell stopped laughing, and stared at him.  
“What…?” Frieza uttered.  
“… Was that a genuine third option?” Dr. Brief asked. Cell and Frieza looked at each other.  
“… What do you think?” Cell questioned.  
“Well I usually like them better looking… but I suppose this will hurt Vegeta…” Frieza replied, thinking aloud. “… Yeah, alright.” He looked at Dr. Brief. “Which room is yours?”  
“I’ll show you!” Mrs Brief smiled, and took hold of his arm. 

Back over by the karaoke machine, Krillin and Yamcha watched as Goku started singing sincerely, as if he believed every word.  
“ _I never asked for this, or planned it in advance… I was merely blown here by the winds of chance. I never saw myself as a Solomon or Socrates… I knew who I was, one of your dime-a-dozen mediocrities_ …” He let out a sincere sigh. “ _Then suddenly I’m here, respected, worshiped even… just because the folks of Earth needed someone to believe in_ …”  
“Did he just change the words to suit himself…?” Krillin uttered.  
“ _Does it surprise you I got hooked, and all too soon… What can I say? I got carried away, and not just by Nimbus_ …” Goku sang.  
“Yeah…” Yamcha sweat dropped.  
“ _Wonderful, they called me wonderful… So I said, ‘wonderful_ …” Goku flashed his trademark grin. “ _If you insist’_! n_n” Krillin and Yamcha both sweat drop and Goku continued to sing. “ _I will be wonderful, and they said, ‘wonderful_!’ _Believe me, it’s hard to resist_!”  
“Okay – we have to get that cloud out of here before Mr. Wonderful tries to ride it and falls through!” Krillin stated.  
“Yeah, agreed!” Yamcha nodded, and they ran off to find Nimbus.

Meanwhile King Vegeta was sitting with his family and daughter-in-laws.  
“Sorry Bulma, I didn’t mean to offend your father before.” He apologised. “I just have this habit of murdering anyone I don’t respect – or sending them away to a faraway planet in the hope that they’ll forget they’re my son.”  
“Father – I’m sitting right here. I can hear you!” Tarble protested from the seat opposite him.  
“Yeah, I know. And?” King Vegeta shrugged. Tarble didn’t answer; he just sat there looking annoyed.  
“Oh it’s okay, my parents are so drunk I doubt they’ll even remember they met you.” Bulma said. “I mean, they’re probably off right now doing something really stupid that I would thoroughly enjoy but they’ll just feel terrible over.”  
“… That’s a little specific.” King Vegeta replied.  
“So Bulma, your mother still looks quite good for a human grandparent – did she have you young?” Turnipa asked, changing the subject.  
“Well, uh… yeah, I guess… she was in her twenties anyway.” Bulma answered.  
“Ah, I thought so.” Turnipa smiled. “See – that’s where you’ve gone wrong. You’re a little old to still be on your first child, nobody likes an old mother.”  
“At least I act like a mother, bitch.” Bulma growled. Tarble started laughing, then Turnipa glared at him and he fell silent. 

Elsewhere in the house Frieza and Cell emerged from Bulma’s parents’ bedroom, looking disgusting.  
“Oh my God… I think I’m going to throw up.” Frieza gagged, his face even paler than usual. “I can’t remember the last time I felt this disappointed.”  
“Yeah, I know… I really expected more from Bulma’s mother.” Cell sighed “And that guy! What is he about? Who the hell smokes _during_ sex? Surely that stops you enjoying either activity!”  
“I know, I was thinking the same thing.” Frieza replied. “Listen – let’s make a new rule, we never have sex with any human over forty, they just don’t age well.”  
“Yeah, deal…” Cell agreed, and gagged. “I need a drink.” He stated.  
“Me too – but I’m going to shower first, I smell like cigarettes and expired milf.” Frieza growled. Cell smelt himself, and winced.  
“Yeah I’ll join you.” He uttered, and they headed for the shower.

Not long after them Dr. Brief and Mrs Brief left the bedroom and headed for the living room. They took a seat on the sofa, each of them looking traumatised.  
“Well that uh… That was certainly an experience.” Dr. Brief began.  
“Uh-huh…” Mrs Brief nodded in agreement.  
“I think I know how that young couple felt in the second half of the Rocky Horror Show…” Dr. Brief sweat dropped.  
“Mm-hm. Good analogy, Dear.” Mrs Brief replied.  
“Thank you, Dear.” Her husband said. They sat in silence for a moment before Dr. Brief finally spoke,  
“Let’s pretend that never happened.”  
“Okay.” Mrs Brief agreed.

Meanwhile Krillin and Yamcha approached the Nimbus Cloud.  
“Okay, so uh… How do we get rid of this thing?” Krillin asked.  
“I don’t know, uh…” Yamcha waved his hands at the Nimbus in an ushering motion. “Shoo! Go on – scat!”  
“Oh come on Yamcha, you can’t shoo it away, it’s not your neighbour’s pet!” Krillin scolded.  
“Well what do you suggest we do?” Yamcha argued.  
“I don’t know, uh… Do you think we have to be pure-hearted? I mean, does it only listen to people that can ride it?” Krillin suggested.  
“I don’t know…” Yamcha mumbled. “Maybe we can just scare it away. You know, like you do with animals?”  
“Yeah it’s worth a try I guess… I’ll go find a hose.” Krillin said. 

He turned to walk away, and bumped into Tambourine.  
“What are you guys doing?” Tambourine asked.  
“Well if you must know we’re trying to get rid of the Nimbus before Goku tries to ride it, just in case he falls through it and loses his mind.” Krillin frowned at him.  
“Oh. Well, I can help.” Tambourine offered.  
“You can?” Yamcha blinked.  
“Yeah. Watch.” Tambourine uttered, and in one movement he blew up the Nimbus Cloud.  
“ **Aii**!” Krillin and Yamcha both screamed.  
“You idiot! What did you do that for!” Krillin yelled.  
“You said you wanted to get rid of it.” Tambourine replied.  
“Yeah, we just wanted to make it leave! We didn’t want to destroy it!” Yamcha snapped.  
“Oh.” Tambourine shrugged. “My bad.”  
“Yeah it is! Goku’s gonna flip when he finds out!” Krillin barked.  
“Wow. I’d hate to be you when that happens.” Tambourine said.  
“Me? Why me?” Krillin frowned, looking at him in confusion.  
“Because you destroyed his cloud.” Tambourine answered.  
“What? Krillin didn’t destroy it, you did!” Yamcha argued.  
“That’s not the version I’m gonna tell.” Tambourine said with a smirk.  
“Tch.” Krillin snorted. “Yeah, right! Like he’s going to believe you over me!”  
“Well… All I’ve done tonight is try to help me father find love.” Tambourine reasoned. “You got sent to hell and went on a killing spree. Who’s gonna come across as more trustworthy?” 

Krillin and Yamcha fell silent for a moment.  
“… Tch!” Krillin finally spoke. “Whatever. Goku’s been my best friend since we were kids, he’s not gonna let tonight affect his opinion of me! Right, Yamcha?”  
“You’re on your own!” Yamcha shrieked and bolted out of the room.  
“Aw, **fuck**!” Krillin roared. Tambourine smirked, and there was another knock on the door. 


	18. Frieza's Dad

Nappa opened the door to see King Kold and Coola stood there.  
“Uh… hi?” He uttered, not recognising either of them.  
“Good evening.” King Kold greeted him. “I’m looking for my son – have you seen him?”  
“Well… what does he look like?” Nappa asked.  
“Like me, only shorter and not as attractive.” Coola answered.  
“Oh – you mean Frieza?” Nappa replied.  
“Haha, I love that you knew exactly who I meant!” Coola grinned.  
“Yeah well uh… he’s around somewhere. I think he hooked up with Bulma’s mom.” Nappa said.  
“Who’s Bulma?” King Kold asked, frowning in confusion.  
“You know that kid that killed you?” Nappa began.  
“Yes?” King Kold nodded.  
“Well Bulma’s his mom, and Frieza’s hooked up with her mother.” Nappa explained.  
“Nice.” King Kold said with a smirk. “Revenge is sweet.”  
“Papa I don’t think it was to avenge you –”  
“Quiet!” King Kold interrupted his son and walked past Nappa. “Let’s get a drink.”

Meanwhile Frieza and Cell were in the shower together, their voices could be heard from outside the cubicle.  
“Dammit Frieza, stop hogging the soap!” Cell yelled. “Why do you need to wash all of your forms anyway, you only used one!”  
“I know but I feel so disgusting, it’s like their old people germs have spread across all my forms.” Frieza groaned, gagging in disgust.  
“Okay, fair enough…” Cell replied. “Just as long as you let me help you.”  
“Hey!” Frieza gasped and started giggling. “Cell, get off me!”  
“Try saying it without smiling.” Cell purred.

Krillin entered the shower room and headed for the cubicle.  
“Cell! That tickles!” Frieza’s voice came from inside the shower, followed by Frieza and Cell’s giggling.  
“Hey!” Krillin barked and started banging on the shower door. “Hurry up in there!”  
“ _ **Occupied**_!” Cell’s voice came thundering back at him.  
“Yeah – I know that, that’s why I said hurry up!” Krillin snapped. “Is that Frieza and Cell?”  
“What if it is?” Cell demanded.  
“Aw come on guys – can’t you find some other place to fuck? I’m covered in blood that isn’t mine and I need to wash it off!” Krillin protested.  
“So go find another shower!” Frieza barked.  
“I can’t! If I run into Goku looking like this he’s gonna kill me for murdering a bunch of people and then destroying his cloud!” Krillin insisted.  
“You destroyed his cloud? Why did you do that?” Cell asked.  
“I didn’t! Tambourine did, but he’s gonna try to blame me! All I did was try to shoo the cloud away!” Krillin replied.  
“Okay – this is Krillin, right?” Frieza’s voice answered him.  
“Yeah.” Krillin nodded.  
“Krillin do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?” Frieza snarled. “You may have just spoken the most bizarre sentence I have ever heard, now get lost and find another shower!”  
“No! You guys are just fooling around in there, I actually need to get clean!” Krillin argued.  
“So do we!” Cell protested.  
“Why?” Krillin frowned in confusion. “You guys haven’t fought anyone tonight.”  
“No but we – we - - it’s none of your business!” Cell barked. “Just go somewhere else!”  
“Guys, this isn’t funny! I’m being serious here!” Krillin whined.  
“So are we!” Frieza yelled.  
“Yeah – listen Krillin, either you go someplace else or you wait for us to finish, unless you want to get in here with us.” Cell said, and started laughing mockingly.

Krillin paused for a moment, and then shrugged.  
“Well… that depends. What form are you in, Frieza?” He asked.  
“What?” Frieza uttered.  
“You heard me. I already killed a bunch of people tonight and I’m mentally committed to hell until morning – this is my one chance to do something terrible.” Krillin stated. “So. I repeat. What form are you in?”  
“Wow.” Cell uttered. “I wasn’t expecting that but okay!”  
“Uh… my… my forth?” Frieza answered Krillin.   
“Could you go into your second?” Krillin asked.  
“You mean the one I used to impale you?”  
“Yep.” Krillin nodded.  
“Haha!” Cell laughed. “Oh my God Krillin, you are **sick**!”  
“Haha… Yeah sure Little Man, whatever you say.” Frieza’s voice was followed by the sound of him transforming. “Come on in.”  
“Sweet!” Krillin grinned and started to undress.   
“Oh – wait.” Frieza interrupted him. “How old are you?”  
“Thirty-seven. Why?” Krillin frowned.  
“Oh it’s just a new rule Cell and I made.” Frieza answered and stuck his tail over the shower cubicle. “Grab on, Cowboy.”  
“Yee-haw!” Krillin exclaimed and leapt onto him. 

Meanwhile in the living room, King Kold and Coola walked in.  
“Has anybody seen my son?” King Kold addressed the room.  
“Yeah and has anyone seen my Nimbus Cloud?” Goku asked, causing Yamcha to go wide-eyed.  
“Yeah,” Vegeta looked at King Kold. “I think I saw Frieza heading for the showers with a guy.” He said.  
“ **What**!” King Kold gasped.  
“And that bald guy I killed blew up the Nimbus.” Tambourine stated.  
“ **What**!” Goku shrieked.  
“Wait! No – that’s totally untrue!” Yamcha protested.  
“Oh…” King Kold let out a sigh of relief. “Phew! So my son isn’t in the shower with a man?”   
“What? Oh – no, I meant the Nimbus thing. Your son’s gay.” Yamcha answered.  
“ _ **What**_!” King Kold screamed, his eyes widening. Coola smirked.  
“I called it.” He said. King Kold gritted his teeth and glanced his fist, his entire body erupting with rage as he screamed,  
“ _ **Where is he**_!” 

Back in the shower room, Krillin let out a loud cry.  
“Ow! Frieza, do you have to be so rough?” He whined from inside the shower cubicle.  
“Oh shut up Krillin, you asked for this.” Frieza spat back.  
“Hey Frieza move aside, stop hogging the bald guy!” Cell scolded.  
“Is that all I am to you?” Krillin whimpered, the sound of hurt in his voice.  
“Oh don’t start that crap, you’re worse than Zarbon…” Cell growled.  
“Is this more like it, Krillin?” Frieza purred, and the sound of movement could be heard from outside the shower cubicle, followed by a low, satisfied groan.   
“Oh… Oh my _God_ Frieza…” Krillin moaned, panting breathlessly. “Where… where did you learn that…?”  
“Same place I learned this.” Frieza replied.  
“ _ **Owwww**_!” Krillin screamed, and Frieza and Cell started to laugh evilly.   
“ _Frieza_!”

Frieza let out a gasp at the sound of a familiar booming voice.  
“ **Fuck**! It’s my father!” He cried.  
“Oh come on Frieza, there really isn’t enough room in here for him as well.” Cell scolded.  
“Yeah, there is _definitely_ not enough room!” Krillin exclaimed.  
“I don’t want him to join us, you jackasses!” Frieza barked. “He doesn’t know I’m bisexual! Just – just get the hell off me!”  
“What? Frieza, we were just starting to have fun!” Cell protested.  
“Sorry guys but you’ll have to finish without me.” The sound of Frieza transforming could be heard, and back in his forth form he stepped out of the shower. “I’m getting out of here before he –” He stopped in mid-sentence when he saw King Kold standing in front of him. “… fuck.”

Krillin poked his head over the shower cubicle and looked at Frieza, grinning widely.  
“Haha! Busted!” He beamed. Frieza simply glared at him.

King Kold looked up at Krillin and cocked his head in curiosity.  
“Frieza… were you just showering with that guy?” He asked.  
“Uh… yes.” Frieza answered. “Yes Papa, I was, but only because… because…” He sweat dropped, trying desperately to think of something to say. “He… he’s a slave and… and he’s insubordinate, so I have to keep him with me at all times to make sure he doesn’t try to run away.” He looked at his father and smiled, hoping the older man would believe him.   
“Actually that sounds like a pretty good idea, you probably should have done that with Vegeta.” Krillin said.  
“Shut up!” Frieza snarled, and continued smiling at his father.  
“Oh… I see.” King Kold uttered, and narrowed his eyes at Frieza. “You know… someone just told me that you’re gay.”  
“What? That’s ridiculous, Papa! I’m married with a son! If either of your children are gay it’s Coola, he’s still single.” Frieza insisted.  
“Oh Frieza don’t be ridiculous! Coola isn’t gay, he has too many girlfriends.” King Kold frowned. “Anyway…” He looked at Frieza questionably. “Doesn’t it feel weird showering with a slave? I mean, if it were me I think I’d rather just kill him and find another one.”  
“Well… He’s a good fighter, so… I think it’s worth keeping him around, even if I do have to take him everywhere with me.” Frieza reasoned.  
“I see.” King Kold grunted, and turned to leave. “Well, whatever. Anyway your brother’s here as well so let’s join him – by the way, why didn’t you tell us you were going to a party? What if we wanted to come with you? That was very selfish of you, Frieza!”  
“Sorry, Papa… I guess I forgot.” Frieza replied. “Anyway the party’s almost over now so I suppose you might as well go home.”  
“Nonsense! The last hour is always the best. Honestly, it almost sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me.” King Kold said.

Cell suddenly poked his head over the shower cubicle and stated flatly,  
“That’s because he is trying to get rid of you.” Frieza’s eyes widened and he stared at Cell in horror.  
“Oh?” King Kold turned to look at Cell. “… Are you another one of my son’s slaves?” He asked.  
“No. I’m your son’s boyfriend.” Cell replied, causing Frieza to almost choke in shock.  
“His… what?” King Kold blinked.  
“He’s a broken android Papa, he doesn’t know what he’s saying!” Frieza protested, waving his arms frantically. “He thinks ‘boyfriend’ and ‘slave’ are the same word!” Cell smirked at Frieza.  
“Well you always say they are –”  
“ **Not**!” Frieza shrieked. “Are **not** the same word, Cell, that’s what I’m always trying to tell you if you weren’t too brain-damaged to listen!” He glared at Cell and spoke to him telepathically, _“What the hell are you doing!”_  
“Watching you squirm.” Cell replied, his eyes twinkling in delight. Frieza’s glare turned more deadly as he wished a world of pain upon Cell.  
“… Whatever.” King Kold grunted, seeming to believe his son. “Frieza you have the worst choice in employees.” He turned and walked out of the room.  
_“I’m not going to forget this, Cell.”_ Frieza hissed silently.   
_“Lucky me.”_ Cell replied, and winked at him. Frieza just flipped Cell off and followed King Kold.

Left alone in the shower with Cell, Krillin stared at the other being awkwardly.  
“… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but without Frieza this feels kind of wrong.” He said.  
“Yeah… it’s far too intense now that there are only two of us.” Cell agreed. “… Get the hell out of my shower.”  
“Gladly.” Krillin nodded, and left the cubicle. 

Back in the living room, King Kold started to walk in with Frieza.  
“Oh – before I forget, your mail came to my place.” He said and handed Frieza a large bunch of opened letters. “You’re being fined.”  
“What? What for?” Frieza frowned.  
“Frieza you’ve committed just about every offence there is to commit – and some of those letters are final warnings! Why haven’t you done anything about it until now? They could take your empire!” King Kold scolded.  
“Give me a break Papa, I’ve been dead.” Frieza shrugged.  
“Well you better hope you’re never coming back to life, because if you do you’re going straight into jail.” King Kold growled.  
“Oh don’t be ridiculous, let me see those.” Frieza huffed and started to read through letters. “Let’s see… violation of workers’ rights, employing illegal aliens, murder, vandalism, conspiracy… Treason? How the hell was he treason, he wasn’t **my** king!” Frieza protested, and continued reading. “… What? Child abduction! Child labour – **hey**!” He looked over at Vegeta, his face suddenly filled with rage. “What the hell, Vegeta! I’m being fined for having you working for me – how many times did I tell you to hide when the child protection people were doing their spot checks!” Frieza yelled.  
“I did hide!” Vegeta protested.  
“Oh yeah?” Frieza barked. “So how did they find out I had you working for me?”  
“How the hell should I know? Somebody probably tipped them off – I bet it was Guldo, he always was jealous of me.” Vegeta shrugged.  
“Yeah well he’s paying these fines or he’s losing two eyes!” Frieza growled and continued looking through the fines. “What! Why have I got an unpaid parking ticket?”  
“Your ship was parked on Namek illegally for three days, Frieza.” King Kold stated flatly.   
“There weren’t any signs to say I couldn’t park there.” Frieza argued.  
“That’s no excuse. Parking offences are strict liability, you still have to pay whether you saw a sign or not.” King Kold said.

Frieza let out an arrogant sigh and blasted the letters.  
“I’m not paying these.” He said stubbornly.  
“Yes Frieza you are paying those, otherwise you’ll have a criminal record, and I will _not_ be father to a delinquent. What would the other clans think?” King Kold growled.  
“Who cares what they think?” Frieza hissed. “You know Papa, I’m starting to feel like I’m nothing more than a trophy to you.”  
“Frieza that’s _exactly_ what you are, I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to realise that.” King Kold replied. Frieza just glared at him.

Back in another area of the room, Krillin and Cell returned from the bathroom.  
“Hey Krillin, you aren’t going to believe this but Frieza’s dad and brother are here.” Goku said, approaching them.  
“Yeah… I know, I already saw his dad.” Krillin replied.  
“Oh.” Goku uttered. “… Where?”  
“Oh – uh… you know… by the door somewhere… when I had my clothes on.” Krillin answered, sweat dropping.   
“Yeah… me too. I saw him when… when I had my clothes on.” Cell nodded.  
“You don’t wear clothes.” Goku stated.  
“Oh I mean Krillin’s clothes.” Cell said, and Krillin looked at him questionably. Cell sweat dropped. “I mean uh… no clothes. I was wearing no clothes, and I was nowhere near Krillin. … Bye.” He suddenly left the room.

Goku frowned in confusion.  
“What the hell was that about?” He asked.  
“I don’t know but – you know how Frieza’s been hitting on you all night?” Krillin began.  
“Yeah?” Goku seethed, his fist clenching in anger.  
“Yeah. Go for it.” Krillin said.  
“What?” Goku uttered, staring at him.  
“Seriously.” Krillin nodded. “Best thing you’ll ever do. Oh and sorry about your cloud, I’m guessing you know about that by now?”  
“Yeah Yamcha already said that Tambourine destroyed it…” Goku sighed, suddenly looking sad.  
“So did you kill Tambourine?” Krillin questioned.  
“Well… I was going to, but – that’s the kind of behaviour that would stop me riding it, right?” Goku reasoned.  
“Huh… Yeah I guess so. That kind of seems like a catch-22 situation.” Krillin uttered.  
“It is. You have no idea how frustrated I am, I actually hope one of the hell guys tries to murder my wife just so that I’ve got an excuse to kill someone.” Goku replied, taking a swig of his beer. Krillin sweat dropped.  
“Well… here’s hoping.” He said, and Goku to glare at him.  
“Are you hoping that someone will try to kill my wife?”  
“No!” Krillin shrieked.

Meanwhile Coola was staring across the room with love-heart eyes when Frieza and King Kold joined him.  
“Hey Coola.” Frieza greeted his brother. Coola didn’t reply, he just continued staring. Frieza looked at him and waved his tail angrily. “Not even a hi? You aren’t even going to greet me before you start being a jerk?” He snarled.  
“Ssh!” Coola hit Frieza. “Shut up, Frieza! Can’t you see I’m mesmerised?”  
“What? What do you mean?” Frieza frowned.  
“Listen… you’ve been here all evening, right? Do you know all the girls here?” Coola asked.  
“Well… most of them.” Frieza replied. Coola pointed at a girl on the other side of the room and demanded,  
“Tell me about that one!”  
“Huh?”

Frieza looked over to see that Coola was pointing at Frikiza, who was sat with a drink and talking to Zarba. “… you like her?” Frieza blinked.  
“Like her? Are you serious? She makes your wife look like garbage, and your wife is _not_ garbage.” Coola replied. “Actually while we’re on the subject I don’t know how you managed to get such a beautiful girl – you know she only married you because her parents forced her to.”  
“Whatever.” Frieza grunted, and smirked. “So…” He looked at Frikiza. “You think she’s attractive?”  
“Of course I do! You don’t?” Coola smirked at him mockingly. “Perhaps you are gay after all.”  
“No, no I’m not…” Frieza answered calmly. “And I do find her attractive. She’s gorgeous. Actually, to put it one way… if you were a girl, I think she would still be more attractive than you, wouldn’t you agree Coola?”  
“Huh?” Coola took another look at Frikiza. “Well… she’s at least as attractive as me… I…”

Over in the distance Frikiza started to laugh with Zarba, her scarlet eyes sparkling and her tail waving playfully behind her, her ebony lips glistening as she took a sip of wine… “Yeah…” Coola sighed, his eyes turning to love-hearts once more. “She’s beautiful…”  
“Mm-hm.” Frieza nodded. “Okay so just to be clear – if we were both girls, do you think that woman over there would be more attractive than you?”  
“Frieza – she is literally the best-looking girl I have ever seen, and I’m including aliens in that!” Coola growled. “So – yes, fine! Whatever. Why are you asking me that anyway?”  
“Is that a definite yes?” Frieza asked again.  
“ _Yes_! Okay? It’s a yes! Now just tell me who she is already!” Coola ordered impatiently, and started to drink his wine. Frieza looked at his brother, and smirked.  
“She’s me.”  
* _ **spit**_!*

Over by the girls, Zarba smirked at Frikiza.  
“Hey… don’t look now, but I think you have an admirer.” She said. Frikiza blushed.   
“Oh… really?” She smiled.  
“Mm-hm.” Zarba nodded, and subtly glanced in Coola’s direction. Frikiza waited for a moment, then briefly followed her gaze, and sighed.  
“… oh.” She mumbled, sounding disappointed.  
“Something wrong? He’s not bad, you know.” Zarba said.  
“Yeah, but it’s probably Frieza’s brother, and if he’s anything like my sister, he’ll be a total jerk!” Frikiza pouted.  
“Yeah…” Zarba looked at Frikiza with a wicked smirk. “I guess he’s no King Piccolo.” Frikiza blushed.   
“Do you think he likes me…?” She asked shyly.  
“Oh my _God_.” Zarba groaned. “Watching the two of you has actually been traumatic for me. Just go and ask him out already!”  
“I can’t do that!” Frikiza gasped. “What if he thinks I’m being too forward? I mean – the guy’s supposed to do the asking, right? Besides… He’s been kind of giving me mixed signals all night… I’m not sure if he likes me…”  
“Oh come on. He’s a man, of _course_ he likes you. You have a pulse don’t you?” Zarba argued.  
“But… what if that’s not enough?” Frikiza whimpered. Zarba let out a loud groan.

Nearby and out of sight, the mutant nameks were listening to their conversation.   
“This is great! King Piccolo totally has the upper hand!” Tambourine exclaimed.  
“Yeah, she’s totally crazy about him!” Cymbal grinned.  
“Let’s go tell him!” Drum beamed excitedly.   
“Wait!” Piano held up his hand to calm the others. “We have to make sure he doesn’t ask her out until he’s leaving – if he does it too soon she’ll lose interest in him!”  
“Good idea!” Tambourine nodded.  
“But – what if she agrees to go out with someone else before then?” Cymbal questioned.  
“Tch! Yeah, right!” Drum snorted. “All the guys here are already married or good guys – and she doesn’t like good guys.”  
“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Cymbal agreed, considering the notion. “There’s no danger of anybody else moving in before King Piccolo.”  
“That’s right!” Drum grinned, and the mutants left to find King Piccolo.

Back over by Frieza and Coola, Frieza was laughing hysterically.   
“Fuck you.” Coola growled. “Seriously. I hate that you’re my brother.”   
“Not as much as you hate that she’s your sister.” Frieza replied with a smirk.  
“Whatever. She isn’t my sister, she’s not even from our universe.” Coola snorted, and then smirked back. “And I’m going to use that to my advantage.”  
“What? What the hell do you mean! Coola – you better not be thinking of trying anything with her!” Frieza barked.  
“I’m thinking about a little more than that.” Coola replied.  
“Coola –”  
“Hey Frieza,” Piccolo interrupted him. “This might be the perfect solution for us. If she hooks up with your brother, she’ll leave my father alone.”  
“But it’s _weird_!” Frieza protested.  
“No Frieza, what’s weird is showering with your slaves.” King Kold said.

Vegeta looked up, overhearing his remark.  
“Oh did you finally tell him about you and Zarbon?” He asked, causing Frieza to go wide-eyed.  
“ _ **What**_!” King Kold roared.  
“Oops.” Vegeta smirked at Frieza spitefully, with a look of complete satisfaction plastered across his face.  
“… I’m glad I orphaned you and destroyed your planet.” Frieza growled.  
“What? Why would you say that – what the hell did we do!” King Vegeta protested.  
“Yeah Frieza, now you’re just being hurtful.” Raditz frowned.  
“Jackass.” Bardock grunted, and took a swig of his beer.


	19. Loyalties

“You were dating _Zarbon_?” King Kold screamed, staring in horror at his son.  
“No!” Frieza gasped. “No Papa we weren’t dating, we were just having sex.”  
“Isn’t it the same thing?” King Kold questioned.  
“Well maybe in _your_ day…” Frieza snorted.  
“I… I can’t believe this.” King Kold choked. “My son. Gay!”  
“I’m not gay, I’m bisexual!” Frieza scolded.  
“Isn’t it the same thing? King Kold asked again.  
“ ** _No_**! Oh my God, could you be more old-fashioned!” Frieza barked. King Kold glared at Frieza, then hit him.  
“Don’t answer back to your father!” He snapped. “I hope Kuriza doesn’t know about you and Zarbon!”  
“Of course he doesn’t, nobody did.” Frieza replied.  
“Frieza, _everybody_ did.” Vegeta said.  
“Yeah I mean… that was the biggest rumour since the one about you destroying Planet Vegeta. You are awful at keeping secrets.” Nappa remarked.  
“Yeah and everybody knew about that AA meeting you went to.” Raditz said.  
“Well forgive me for trying to better myself.” Frieza snarled. “Anyway…” He looked at King Kold. “Sorry I lied to you Papa, but if it’s any consolation I broke up with Zarbon and he killed himself, so you don’t have to worry about us anymore.”  
“Right.” King Kold uttered. “But… that android who said he was your boyfriend in the shower – can you explain him?”  
“He’s just a confused android, Papa.” Frieza shrugged.  
“And the human?”  
“Not my boyfriend.” Frieza stated.  
“Well that’s technically all true!” Raditz grinned.  
“Yeah, Frieza’s smart! No wonder he managed to fuck us over.” Nappa beamed. Vegeta just glared at him.  
“… Hm. Fine.” King Kold said, believing his son. “Well then! That’s that. Now I just need to find your brother.”  
“Hm?” Frieza blinked, noticing Coola had gone. “… Crap!”

Meanwhile Zarba and Frikiza had moved outside and were playing ‘would you rather’.  
“Okay here’s one: Dodoria or Doria?” Zarba asked.  
“What? Zarba, Doria’s my friend!” Frikiza protested.  
“So Dodoria?” Zarba said.  
“… No. I think Dodoria would be intimidated by me…” Frikiza mumbled and blushed, her eyes twinkling wickedly. “He’d be too gentle.” She smirked, causing Zarba to laugh.

At that moment Coola approached the two women.  
“Hi girls. Guess which one of you lucky ladies gets to be my new wife.” He grinned.  
“Um… do you know who we were?” Frikiza looked at him. “I’m your sister.”  
“No you aren’t, you’re just a girl from another universe that isn’t related to me at all.” Coola argued. “But seeing as you’re Frieza’s counterpart, I’m assuming you’re already married?” He smirked. “So… How much do you think your husband would sell you for? I’m prepared to offer him two planets; if I know Glacia that should be more than enough.”  
“Actually I’m divorced from my husband – and I’m not for sale!” Frikiza pouted, insulted.  
“Ah, perfect! That’s saved me a couple of planets.” Coola beamed, and his gaze suddenly turned sinister as he reached for Frikiza’s arm. “So I guess you’re up for grabs then, hm?”  
“No! I’m not interested!” Frikiza snapped, pulling her arm away.

The party guests started to gather round, watching in wonder.  
“What’s going on?” Goku asked.  
“I think Frieza’s brother’s trying to date the girl version of Frieza.” Krillin answered.  
“What is it with you and saying weird stuff?” Frieza frowned.  
“Well – that’s what’s happening!” Krillin protested.

Coola chuckled, and gave Frikiza an evil smirk.  
“Darling… I don’t recall asking.” He purred. “Now… Be a good girl and submit to me –” Suddenly Zarba stepped in front of Frikiza and glared at him angrily.  
“Get lost, Lizard-Boy!” She snarled. “Is there something wrong with your hearing?”  
“Can you repeat that?” Coola retorted.  
“Zarba. Don’t.” Frikiza said sternly. Zarba ignored her, and shot Coola a nasty glance.  
“Gladly.” She hissed. “Get – los –” Zarba was suddenly cut off by Coola’s tail striking her hard, causing her to go flying across the grass.   
“Zarba!” Frikiza shrieked, while everyone else gasped as they watched Zarba hit the ground.   
“ **Hey**! Coola stop being a jackass, that’s one of my girls!” Frieza barked. King Kold looked over at Zarba, and grinned.  
“Good work, Son.” He beamed.  
“Which one of us are you talking to…?” Frieza sweat dropped. 

Coola looked at Zarba, and grunted disapprovingly.  
“Now.” He grabbed Frikiza’s arm. “Seeing as you are the female version of my brother, I’ll do you a favour… I’ll give you a second chance to do what I say.”

After hearing the commotion, King Piccolo came out of the house.  
“What’s going on?” He asked.  
“That – that icejin – he’s assaulting Frikiza!” Piano gasped.  
“ _ **What**_!” King Piccolo roared.  
“Let go of me you jerk!” Frikiza growled, trying to pull her arm out of Coola’s grasp without ripping off his hand. “You know I’m stronger than you now, right? I could kill you if I wanted to!”  
“Go on ahead.” Coola challenged. He tightened his grip, crushing her arm. “I dare you.” He smirked, and Frikiza screamed in pain.

Gohan’s eyes widened as he watched the scene.  
“Oh my God! We should step in!” He gasped.  
“Leave it alone, she can handle it. Her power level is a lot higher than his.” Piccolo replied, studying Frikiza.  
“ **Hey**!” King Piccolo barked, approaching Coola. “The lady told you to let go. So _let go_.”  
“Oh? And what if I don’t?” Coola challenged.  
“If you don’t I’ll rip you to shreds and feed you to my kids – and that’s after I break every bone in your body.” King Piccolo seethed.  
“Wow.” Krillin uttered. “Now that’s what you call a threat.”  
“Really?” Coola said, eyeing up King Piccolo. “… Huh.” He smirked, and then in one swift movement he whipped his tail round and jabbed it right through King Piccolo, creating a giant hole in the namek’s body and causing everyone to gasp.  
“Oh, _**hell**_ no!” Piccolo roared, watching as King Piccolo fell to the ground. “Okay – everybody back the fuck off, I’m losing the turban!” He grabbed his turban and cape and dramatically threw them to the ground.  
“Wow. This is bad. When Goku and Piccolo’s clothes come off, they mean business.” Krillin stated.  
“When Goku’s clothes come off _I_ mean business.” Frieza replied.  
“I’m not happy with your life choices.” King Kold growled, looking at Frieza disapprovingly. 

As the mutant nameks worriedly gathered around their master, Piccolo approached Coola and glared at him.  
“Hey Kool-Aid. That’s my dad you just put a hole in. Nobody puts a hole in my dad and lives to tell the tale.” He growled.  
“Yeah.” Goku nodded, and took a swig of his beer. “Nobody except the last guy that did that, right Piccolo?”  
“Shut the fuck up, Goku!” Piccolo roared.  
“Haha…” Goku grinned.

Coola raised his eyebrow at Piccolo.  
“Am I supposed to be scared?” He asked.  
“Yeah I’d recommend it. Let go of the girl.” Piccolo ordered. Coola hesitated for a moment, then smirked.  
“Sure. Just to humour you. I wouldn’t want your blood to splatter over my new wife, after all.” He let go of Frikiza, and she immediately raced over to King Piccolo. “So do you want me to kill you now, or should I finish your dad off first?” Coola asked.  
“… Frieza.” Piccolo uttered.  
“Yeah?” Frieza answered.  
“I’m sorry about your brother.” Piccolo said.  
“Why, because he’s a jerk?” Frieza questioned.  
“That too.” Piccolo replied, and proceeded to kick the shit out of Coola while everyone watched with wide eyes. Piccolo finished off by spitting on Coola, before picking up his clothes and joining the others. “Goku, you wanted to kill someone right?” He said.  
“What’s the point? You already did the fun part.” Goku sighed, disappointed.  
“Sweet, more for me!” Krillin beamed, and killed Coola without a moment’s hesitation. He then started to feel bad, and turned to Frieza. “… Sorry for your loss.”  
“It’s fine.” Frieza shrugged.  
“ _ **What**_!” King Kold screamed. “No Frieza, it isn’t fine! How can you just stand there and watch while your own brother gets beaten to a pulp by a namek and then killed by a human!”  
“Well you just watched it happen to your son! Why didn’t you try to save him?” Frieza argued.  
“Frieza you know very well that I am _not_ that kind of parent!” King Kold growled. “I can’t believe this – that you would stand there and watch as your only brother gets killed by a lost namek and a human dwarf!”  
“Dwarf!” Krillin gasped.  
“Lost namek?” Piccolo frowned.  
“And by the way – why didn’t you tell that other namek to back off? You know as well as I do that icejin girls are nothing more than property – you should have disposed of that overgrown mutant the moment he tried to stop your brother.” King Kold scolded.  
“Is he talking about my dad?” Piccolo growled.  
“Clothes coming off again? Gohan questioned.  
“Yep.” Piccolo nodded and once again took off his turban and cape.  
“… All of them?”  
“Not now, Gohan.” Piccolo snarled.

King Kold folded his arms angrily.  
“Honestly Frieza I am _really_ starting to regret your birth. You’re nothing more than a deranged disloyal coward.” He hissed.   
“Hey.” Piccolo grunted as he approached King Kold, causing the icejin to shriek.  
“ **Aii**! Please don’t beat me to a pulp!” King Kold screamed, holding his hands up defensively. “I didn’t mean what I said – and I’m a good guy really! Coola is a rapist and Frieza is a murdering tyrant, but I’m not! They’re evil – they’re like their mother, they deserve to die!” 

Frieza looked at his father flatly and folded his arms. “Please don’t hurt me!” King Kold begged, falling to Piccolo’s feet. Piccolo stared at him for a long moment, then let out a low grunt, deciding that King Kold wasn’t even worth the effort it would take to kill him. Piccolo turned his back on the icejin and started to walk away, when he felt King Kold power up behind him.  
“Idiot!” King Kold squealed gleefully and fired a mighty ki blast at Piccolo, using all the energy in his body, but Piccolo just stood there and took it without so much as flinching. “… Fuck.” King Kold uttered.  
“Wow Papa. Looks like I’m not the only one that deserves to die.” Frieza said spitefully. King Kold looked at him and sweat dropped.   
“Help me, Son…” He whimpered.  
“Piccolo. Do you mind?” Goku asked.  
“Be my guest.” Piccolo shrugged.  
“Thanks.” Goku grinned and approached King Kold. “Frieza, is it cool if I kill your dad?”  
“Yeah that’s fine.” Frieza answered, and smiled. “But hey, thanks for asking!”  
“No problem.” Goku winked.  
“What!” King Kold yelped, and glared at Frieza. “You treacherous brat! I wish your mother had aborted you! Or better yet I wish I’d killed her before you were even conceived – I hope to God that Kuriza dies alone in a ditch after **never** avenging you!”  
“Oh, that is _horrible_!” Goku cried and blasted King Kold, killing him instantly. “You know I was going to fight him a little first but I don’t think he deserved the extra minutes of life! Frieza it’s no wonder you’re a psychopath, your family sucks.”  
“Says you.” Frieza growled. “Your brother kidnapped your kid and your father abandoned you when you were a day old – you and I have a lot in common.”   
“… If you try and use that as grounds to fuck me I’m going to murder you.” Goku said. Frieza shrugged.  
“Worth a shot.” He said, and went back inside.

Meanwhile King Piccolo was lying on the ground, injured, with Frikiza and the mutant nameks siting over him.  
“Oh my God…” Frikiza whimpered, staring at the hole in King Piccolo’s chest. “Piccolo – let me give you some of my energy.”  
“No it… it’s okay… I don’t need it…” King Piccolo uttered weakly.  
“King Piccolo can regenerate himself.” Piano explained proudly.  
“Yeah! He’s a good catch, right?” Tambourine said with a grin. Frikiza blushed.  
“Well…” She looked at King Piccolo. “Are you sure?”  
“Yeah – I’m fine.” King Piccolo answered. “I just gotta concentrate and… …” His ki raised slightly as he tried to heal himself, then he ran out of energy and coughed up a mouthful of blood before losing consciousness and collapsing, his body still injured. The nameks all went quiet for a moment before Cymbal piped up,  
“Uh… Frikiza, he might need some of your energy.” He uttered.  
“Okay.” Frikiza sweat dropped.

A few minutes later everyone was back inside and talking about the events that had just occurred.  
“I can’t believe Frieza’s brother tried to hurt a helpless girl! How disgusting!” Bulma frowned.  
“What! _Frieza_ destroyed a whole bunch of women when he blew up our planet!” Vegeta protested.  
“Yeah but that doesn’t count.” Bulma replied.  
“Why not!” Vegeta demanded.  
“I didn’t know their names.” Bulma answered.  
“Yeah it’s a lot harder to care about people you don’t know.” Yamcha said, nodding in agreement.  
“Well I know you and I don’t care about you.” Vegeta snarled.  
“Oh my God, why do you have to be so hurtful Vegeta?” Yamcha frowned.  
“Yeah – Vegeta I never said this to you before but you always did seem to be angry for the sake of being angry.” Nappa remarked.  
“Yeah I kind of feel like… if Planet Vegeta hadn’t been destroyed by Frieza, we _all_ would have rebelled against you.” Raditz said.  
“What? Seriously!” Vegeta gasped.  
“Yeah.” Raditz nodded. “So… just think about that the next time you go hurting other people’s feelings.”  
“Oh Raditz, that was such a lame thing to say.” Bardock growled.  
“If Kakarot had said it you’d think it was cool!” Raditz protested.  
“Yeah, because Kakarot says that kind of stuff when he’s standing over the body of a guy whose ass he’s just kicked!” Bardock snapped. “Are there any kicked asses at your feet right now?”  
“… No…” Raditz mumbled, looking down shamefully.  
“No! That’s right!” Bardock growled, and took a swig of his beer. “You’re a waste of fucking hell space.”

Elsewhere in the room King Piccolo was sitting with his shirt off, his wound healed, and his face bright purple as Frikiza cleaned his bloodied chest with a warm, damp cloth.  
“Piccolo… you really didn’t need to do that for me.” Frikiza sighed. “I could have killed him, you know. I was just giving him a chance to turn around.”  
“Yeah well, when I saw him grab you it was kind of a natural reaction…” King Piccolo admitted, causing the mutant nameks to gasp.  
“Crap… He’s not playing it cool…” Tambourine whimpered.  
“Uh – not that I cared if he hurt you!” King Piccolo insisted, quickly realising his mistake. “I just… I just liked the challenge. You know. Whatever.” The mutant nameks let out a sigh of relief and Frikiza lowered her eyes in disappointment.   
“Oh… okay.” She uttered. “Well… thanks, anyway.” She pulled the cloth away and offered him a smile. “I think you’re done.”  
“Thanks…” King Piccolo mumbled, unable to move.

On the other side of the room Piccolo was stood by himself when Piano approached him.   
“Uh… Piccolo? Drum has something he would like to ask you.” Piano began.  
“Hm?” Piccolo grunted, looking up to see his four mutant brothers stood there. Drum pulled a face and pouted.  
“Why do _**I**_ have to –” He was suddenly cut off by Piano hitting him. Piano glared at Drum and Drum sighed, then reluctantly approached Piccolo, looking at the floor as he spoke. “Do you want to –”  
“ _Ahem_.” Piano cut him off again. Drum hesitated for a moment, then let out another sigh. He looked at Piccolo.  
“Thanks for defending King Piccolo. I’m sorry I was a jerk to you before.” He said.  
“Oh. Uh… don’t worry about it.” Piccolo replied, slightly taken aback by Drum’s apology.  
“We really appreciate it!” Tambourine smiled.  
“Yeah, you’re one of us now.” Cymbal beamed.  
“… That wasn’t my intention…” Piccolo mumbled.  
“Well – Drum has a question for you.” Piano stated. “Drum?” 

Drum hesitated again, then looked at Piccolo.  
“Do you… do you want to join us for dinner this Sunday?” He asked.  
“Thanks, but I don’t eat, and I uh… I got stuff to do this weekend.” Piccolo answered.  
“See! He’s busy – I told you!” Drum pouted at Piano. “Just because he stuck up for Dad it doesn’t mean he isn’t a huge jerk –”  
“Drum!” Piano scolded, silencing the larger mutant. Drum backed off, and looked at the floor.   
“Isn’t there something else you would like to ask Junior?” Piano questioned.  
“No.” Drum growled stubbornly.  
“ _Drum_.” Piano uttered, narrowing his eyes at Drum. Drum let out a sigh, and moved his eyes up to Piccolo, then held out a pendant to him; it looked like one half of a broken coin.  
“Do you want to wear one half of my friendship pendant?” Drum asked. Piccolo moved his eyes to Drum’s chest and noticed that he was wearing the other half of the friendship pendant around his neck. Piccolo sweat dropped.  
“Uh… No, I’m good thanks –” He suddenly stopped when he saw Drum looking at him with huge puppy dog eyes that were steadily filling with tears.  
“He used his pocket money to buy that, and he’s been waiting for the right person to give the other half to.” Piano said.  
“Yeah, he’ll be heartbroken if the first person he offers it to doesn’t want it.” Tambourine added. Piccolo looked at Drum as the mutant namek stared back, his eyes wet as he sniffed back his tears. Piccolo held his stare for a moment, then finally gave in.   
“Fine.” He sighed, reluctantly taking the pendant and putting it around his neck. “Are we done?” He growled.  
“Yep!” Drum squealed and ran away in delight, followed by the other mutants. Piccolo waited until they were out of sight, then took off the pendant. _“Idiots.”_ He thought silently to himself. 

At that moment King Piccolo approached him.  
“Hey.” King Piccolo greeted his son.  
“Hi.” Piccolo answered.  
“Uh…” King Piccolo blushed. “… Thanks for… not being a disappointment… on that occasion.” He mumbled. “You know, I mean… for actually doing something I don’t hate you for.”  
“It’s alright…” Piccolo uttered, also blushing.  
“I’m still mad at you for not killing Goku, though.” King Piccolo frowned.  
“That’s fine, I didn’t stick up for you as some sort of apology.” Piccolo shrugged.  
“Yeah well… … What do we do now?” King Piccolo asked.  
“What do you mean?” Piccolo replied.  
“Well… Do we like… go fishing or something?” King Piccolo sweat dropped.   
“I think I’d prefer it if you were one of those deadbeat dads that’s never around.” Piccolo said.  
“Yeah that works for me.” King Piccolo nodded.  
“Good.” Piccolo uttered. The two of them stood in awkward silence for a moment, until King Piccolo finally opened his arms out wide and grinned at Piccolo. Piccolo blushed, and looked away. 

Meanwhile King Vegeta was sat in the kitchen sulking.  
“I can’t believe two icejins got put away tonight and I didn’t do it – and neither did my son!” He growled, and called over to Vegeta, “Hey Vegeta! You suck!”  
“Father – it was _my_ son that killed Frieza and King Kold the first time round, and I was one of the guys that finished off Coola, so what more do you want from me!” Vegeta demanded.  
“Turning super saiyan before Bardock’s kid would have been nice.” King Vegeta snarled. “And taking care of Frieza yourself.”  
“What, like you did?” Vegeta sniped.  
“… Harsh.” King Vegeta uttered.  
“It’s true, though. You’re both pathetic.” Frieza said. 

Vegeta paused for a moment, then raised his hand to blast Frieza to dust before he was suddenly interrupted by Bulma yelling at him.  
“Vegeta, don’t you dare!” She barked. “He’s just lost his father and brother, how can you be so heartless!”  
“He killed _my_ father!” Vegeta protested. “And everybody on my planet! And he wanted his father and brother dead!”  
“Yeah, because he realised how terrible they were, so you should be praising Frieza right now!” Bulma argued.  
“… Dad. You wanna play pool?” Vegeta asked.  
“What’s that?” King Vegeta replied.  
“It’s a human sport where you use a stick to hit a ball really hard and you pretend it’s Bulma.” Vegeta answered.  
“Sounds good.” King Vegeta nodded, and followed him out of the room.  
“Jerks.” Bulma growled.


	20. Goku's Closing Song

As the evening drew to an end, Cell was singing on the karaoke machine.  
“ _I don’t care if it hurts… I want to have control. I want a perfect body… I want a perfect soul_.”  
“So, come on.” Bulma began, pouring Frieza a glass of wine. “Is he really perfect in every way?”  
“Yeah, he is, he’s like a mutant Mary Poppins.” Frieza answered and took a sip of his wine. “Or at least, he is now. I had to teach him a few things, you know… in that department. He was kind of clumsy at first.”  
“Awww… that’s so sweet. Was he nervous?” Bulma smiled. Frieza smirked.  
“No, just inexperienced. Actually he was the one that made the move on me.”  
“Oh, really? What did you say?” Bulma asked.  
“No, obviously! I told him to get the hell away from me.” Frieza snorted.  
“Really?” Bulma looked over at Cell, studying him. “You know, I’m not sure if I would have said no to him… I think he’s pretty handsome.”  
“Yeah, so did I.” Frieza said.  
“So why did you say no to him?” Bulma frowned.  
“Oh, come on.” Frieza sniggered. “Like you didn’t make Vegeta earn you.” He winked at her, and Bulma giggled before grinning,  
“You caught me!”

Meanwhile Cell was finishing off his song.   
“ _But I’m a creep… I’m a weirdo_.” He sang. “ _What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here… I don’t belong here_.” As he finished off, everyone in the room started to clap and cheer.   
“Good voice, Cell!” Yamcha beamed.   
“Thanks… I kind of wish the kids had been here to see that.” Cell replied, setting the mic down.   
“Well why didn’t you bring them?” Krillin asked.   
“Tch. Yeah, right!” Cell snorted. “Like I’m going to let the Juniors meet Frieza! We are _not_ at that stage yet – actually if I’d known I was going to meet Frieza’s entire family tonight I wouldn’t have even come.”   
“Well… Yeah, if you guys haven’t been official that long I guess meeting the family is kind of daunting…” Krillin mumbled. “But you’ll have to introduce Frieza to your Juniors eventually, you know.”   
“Oh, I know. I’m just waiting for the spark to die a little first.” Cell said, causing Krillin to sweat drop. “Besides…” Cell continued. “I am _not_ looking forward to letting Frieza meet the Juniors. I mean – if he thinks Trunks and Goten are bad he’ll have a meltdown when he meets my kids, they’re like the seven dwarfs on acid.”   
“Oh – Cell, I wouldn’t worry about that. From what I’ve seen tonight Frieza will whip ‘em into shape pretty damn quick.” Yamcha grinned.   
“Yeah, maybe. Or they might drive him to suicide.” Cell shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”   
“You aren’t bothered by that?” Krillin questioned.   
“Nah, not really. By the time we get to the ‘meet the family’ stage I’m sure I’ll be bored of Frieza anyway. I guess it’s a win-win.” Cell answered casually, and went to join Frieza, leaving Krillin and Yamcha standing there in awe.

Goku grabbed the mic and leapt at the karaoke machine with a wide grin on his face.   
“Okay, my turn!” He exclaimed. Chichi yawned and rubbed her eyes.   
“Goku… I think it’s time we called it a night.” She uttered sleepily.   
“Aw just one more song? Then I promise we’ll go – I got the perfect closing song!” Goku pleaded. Chichi sighed and leaned back against the sofa.   
“Okay… fine. Just one more.” She mumbled.   
“Great!” Goku beamed, and started singing. “ _Sayonara, adios, auf wiedersehen, farewell. Adieu, good night, guten abend, here’s a last song you can sell_ …”

Frieza was giggling with Bulma when Cell joined them.   
“Hey.” Cell uttered and took a seat next to Frieza.   
“Hi Cell.” Bulma smiled. Cell took a sip of Frieza’s wine.   
“So what were you guys talking about?” He asked.   
“Oh, this and that…” Bulma replied, and looked at him. “So. I hear you really are perfect.” She winked. Cell looked at her for a moment, then he turned his eyes to Frieza. Frieza smirked at Cell, and Cell’s eyes twinkled. He looked at Bulma and smirked.   
“Want me to prove it?” Cell purred. Bulma giggled. 

_Let’s call it burning bridges_  
It’s a sing along as well   
Ciao, adieu, good nacht, guten abend   
Play it for your friends in hell

Elsewhere Bulma’s parents were in their room, in bed, dressed in their pyjamas and lying in the dark with their eyes wide open.   
“… Well… goodnight, Dear…” Dr. Brief mumbled.   
“Goodnight.” Mrs Brief quickly replied.   
“I’m thinking of starting a new project tomorrow.” Dr. Brief said.   
“Oh really, Dear?” Mrs Brief uttered.   
“Mm.” Dr Brief grunted. “It’s called a memory eraser… What do you think?”   
“It sounds wonderful.” Mrs Brief smiled.

_Someone shut the lights off_  
Turn the page   
The stories I could write   
I’ve seen a million faces   
And I’ve lived a couple lives

In another area of Capsule Corps King Vegeta, Vegeta, Tarble, Bardock and Raditz were drinking beer and playing pool. It was Tarble’s turn so he stepped up to the table… and potted every one of his balls with one hit.   
“ **Fuck**!” Bardock gasped. Tarble grinned.   
“Hahaha! **Yes**!” King Vegeta beamed and slapped his hand onto Tarble’s back, almost knocking the prince over. “Finally something you’re good at, Kid!”   
“Th-Thank you, Father…” Tarble sweat dropped. “But that kind of hurt…”   
“Dammit Raditz! That’s the third game we’ve lost to them, why are you such a bad shot!” Bardock yelled at his son.   
“But dad they’ve got three on their team and we’ve only got two – they’re cheating!” Raditz protested.   
“Shut up Raditz I didn’t even play in that last game.” Vegeta growled.   
“Yeah – it’s true Raditz, he didn’t.” Bardock nodded. “I wish I had Kakarot on my team, I bet he’d know how to hit a ball.”   
“I think that’s what Frieza’s hoping for, as well.” Vegeta said with a smirk, and he, King Vegeta and Tarble all started to laugh while Bardock glared at them.   
“Hahaha!” King Vegeta exclaimed. “Ah this is it – finally I can be near both my kids without wishing I was dead again!” He slapped both of his sons’ backs with all his might and grinned. “Isn’t this great, Boys?”   
“I think you broke my spine…” Tarble whimpered.   
“Yeah well stop complaining about it or I’ll break your neck as well you little weakling.” King Vegeta growled.

_Here’s our history for all to see_  
The smiles and all the scars   
First the rising then the falling   
Call this chapter shooting stars   
Must sound good from where you are

Back in the living room Turnipa was painting Gure’s nails.   
“See, with enough makeup, you might just pass for a saiyan wife.” She smiled, carefully applying the paint.   
“Thank you…” Gure said with a blush.   
“I mean – not one of the hot warrior ones like me, I mean one of the ugly weak ones… but still. It’s an improvement, right?” Turnipa beamed. Gure sweat dropped.   
“Uh… well… actually on my home planet, I’m considered quite beautiful…” She uttered quietly.   
“Huh?” Turnipa looked at her. “Really…?” She asked. Gure nodded. “… Well then, what are you doing with my low-rate son?” Turnipa gasped. “You should be with Vegeta, or at the very least Raditz! Do you want me to buy him off Bardock for you?”   
“No, thank you…” Gure mumbled.

_Sayonara_  
Adios, auf wiedersehen, farewell,   
Adieu, good night, guten abend,   
Here’s one last song you can sell

Meanwhile, in Trunks’ room, Trunks was asleep in his bed when Marron sleepwalked into the room. She climbed into Trunks’ bed at the opposite end to Trunks, and pulled the covers off him to wrap them over herself. Trunks frowned and kicked in his sleep, kicking Marron right out of the bed. He pulled the covers back over himself, and then turned over to continue sleeping.

Marron landed on Goten and Kuriza who were sleeping in futons on the floor near Trunks’ bed. Goten continued sleeping, unaffected by the small impact while Kuriza stirred in his sleep and stretched a little, his tail moving and settling in front of Goten’s face. Goten yawned and stirred, holding his hand out in his sleep. His fingers brushed against Kuriza’s tail and he instinctively grabbed onto it and pulled it closer, hugging it in his sleep as if it were a comforter. Still half-asleep, Marron crawled in between the two of them and pulled a little of each of their covers over herself, resulting in the three of them being nestled together on the floor… and all four children continued sleeping peacefully as if they were siblings. 

_Let’s call it burning bridges_  
It’s a sing along as well   
Ciao, adieu, good nacht, guten abend   
Play it for your friends in hell

Zarba went to sit beside Frikiza, nudging her.   
“So, Little Miss Night Nurse?” Zarba teased. “Has he made a move on you yet?”   
“No…” Frikiza mumbled, blushing. “Maybe he doesn’t like me…”   
“I’m pretty sure he does, you know. He just sucks at this stuff.” Zarba replied.   
“You think that’s it…?” Frikiza asked, looking at her.   
“Yeah, of course!” Zarba protested. “Seriously, you’re gonna have to do all the work here. If you ask me, he isn’t worth it.” She sniped. Frikiza looked over at King Piccolo, and blushed again.   
“Well… I won’t know until I try, right?” She smiled.   
“That’s right.” Zarba answered with a smirk. Frikiza settled her eyes on King Piccolo and watched with a smile as he talked to his family.

_Oh check the box yeah_  
Mark this day   
There’s nothing more to say   
After thirty years of loyalty   
They let you dig the grave

King Piccolo and the mutant nameks were all gathered round Piccolo Jr., urging him to do something bad.   
“Ah come on Junior, don’t be such a wuss! Your brothers have all done it!” King Piccolo frowned.   
“They’re already dead, it can’t harm them.” Piccolo argued.   
“But we’re alive for tonight!” Piano protested.   
“So what?” Piccolo snorted. “Stuff like this takes a few hours to have its impact on you – by which point you guys will be back in hell.” 

Cymbal responded to him by making a chicken noise.   
“Unbelievable. To think that my son, one of the greatest warriors in the world, is scared of a little lemonade.” King Piccolo growled.   
“I never said I was scared! I’d just rather not drink that stuff –”   
“You know you’re really starting to embarrass the family, Junior.” Tambourine said, cutting Piccolo off.   
“Yeah – I can’t believe I gave you my friendship pendant!” Drum pouted.   
“This is by far the _worst_ thing you have ever done to me.” King Piccolo snarled.   
“Oh come on Dad, don’t be ridiculous!” Piccolo frowned.   
“Listen – I’ll do it with you, how about that? If I can handle it then you definitely can, right?” King Piccolo reasoned. Piccolo looked at him for a moment, and King Piccolo stared back with an encouraging grin. Piccolo paused, then let out a sigh, finally giving in. After all, what was the worst that could happen? At least it would shut them up.   
“Fine, if it’ll get you off my back.” Piccolo grunted, causing King Piccolo and the mutants to all cheer triumphantly.   
“Yay! Alright!”

Piano held two pint glasses of liquid out to the pair.   
“Down in one?” He beamed.   
“Of course!” King Piccolo nodded.   
“Sure, whatever.” Piccolo uttered and snatched a glass off Piano. He watched his father down the drink without taking a breath, and Piccolo reluctantly did the same… then his face twisted as if he were going to vomit.   
“Ugh! That tastes disgusting!” Piccolo gagged, sticking out his tongue. “Are you sure this is lemonade?”   
“Yeah, of course it’s lemonade!” King Piccolo insisted. “… Mixed with vodka.”   
“ _ **What**_!” Piccolo roared.   
“Haha, this is what parents do, right? Share an alcoholic beverage with their kids?” King Piccolo grinned. “That’s what young people do with their dads, right? And the fact that I’m letting you drink – that makes me cool doesn’t it?” He beamed.   
“Yeah whatever, I…” Piccolo paused, and blinked. He frowned slightly as the room started spinning and he struggled to keep his balance. “How much… how much vodka… how much vodka was in that…?” He mumbled, struggling to formulate the question. He grabbed onto King Piccolo to steady himself and closed his eyes. King Piccolo shrugged. “I’m not sure, Cymbal mixed it.” He answered, and looked at Cymbal. “How much was that?”   
“Well… in yours I just put 25ml of vodka in a pint of lemonade, I think that’s the standard.” Cymbal replied.   
“Right, so not that much.” King Piccolo said and put a hand on Piccolo’s shoulder. “You just need to get used to the taste.”   
“Yeah but… Junior’s really strong now, right? So for him I reversed the measurements.” Cymbal stated.   
“ **What**!” Piano cried. “You gave him a pint of vodka with 25ml of lemonade!”   
“… Yeah.” Cymbal looked at King Piccolo. “Do you think that was too much?” He asked, slightly concerned. King Piccolo paused, then looked down to see Piccolo Jr. throwing up into a plant.   
“… Yeah I’d say it was.” He said. “But don’t worry about it, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” 

At that moment Piccolo collapsed into unconsciousness. “Ah, he’ll sleep it off.” King Piccolo shrugged. “What strength was that stuff anyway?”   
“230 proof.” Cymbal answered. King Piccolo paused for a moment, then spoke,   
“Hey Drum, go and get your brother a glass of water.”   
“Better make it a jug…” Piano mumbled.

_Now maybe you could learn to sing_  
Or even strum along   
Well I’ll give you half the publishing   
You’re why I wrote this song

Elsewhere in the room Krillin looked at Nappa and studied him closely.   
“You know… you look kind of different. Did you lose weight or something?” He commented.   
“Yeah, thanks for noticing, I’m kind of on a diet… sort of hoping to meet someone.” Nappa replied.   
“Oh, you shouldn’t change your looks just for that. I mean – if she’s right for you, she’ll love you no matter what, without you changing your appearance at all.” Krillin smiled, and looked at Android 18. “Right, Honey?”   
“Sure.” Android 18 answered.   
“Yeah…” Nappa uttered, looking at Krillin. “Weren’t you bald for like, _years_ before you met your wife and you grew hair immediately after?”   
“… You’ll never find love, Nappa, you’re too fat.” Krillin growled.   
“That was uncalled for.” Nappa frowned.   
“ _Everybody sing along_!” Goku continued to sing. “ _Sayonara, adios, auf wiedersehen, farewell_ ,” He was then joined by Krillin and Yamcha putting an arm around him and the three of them sang, “ _Adieu, good night, guten abend. Here’s one last song you can sell_ ,” 

Meanwhile Gohan was sat on the sofa with his arm around Chichi, and as they watched Goku, Krillin and Yamcha they both sang along.

_Let’s call it burning bridges_  
It’s a sing along as well   
Hope my money and my masters   
Buy a front row seat in hell

On the other side of the room a now conscious Piccolo was throwing up into a bucket with King Piccolo squatting over him and holding his cape out of the way. Piccolo gagged and breathed hard, then he looked up in what seemed like a daze.   
“That’s it Son, you’re okay…” King Piccolo soothed. “Here, drink this.” He handed Piccolo a glass of water, which Piccolo downed in a heartbeat.   
“You…” Piccolo breathed, finally managing to focus. “You really are evil.”   
“Hey, don’t blame me! It was your idiot brother that poisoned you!” King Piccolo protested.   
“Sorry, Junior… my bad.” Cymbal mumbled guiltily.   
“It… it’s fine…” Piccolo sighed, catching his breath. “I think I… I think I’m over it –” He didn’t have chance to speak another word before he threw up again.   
“No, you’re not.” King Piccolo stated, and sighed. “Fuck, you’re gonna be like this all night – and we have to go back to hell soon! I need someone to watch over you for me while you’re drunk and vulnerable –”   
“I’ll do it!” Gohan squealed, having immediately bolted across the room. King Piccolo and the mutants sweat dropped while Goku, Yamcha and Krillin finished off their song,   
“ _Ciao, adieu, good nacht, guten abend. Play this for your friends in… St. Tropez_!”

To be continued! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so cheesy songfic chapter n_n' It just felt right! I heard this song recently and as soon as I heard it I just envisioned this chapter! I hope it didn't disappoint... Please review, and stay tuned for the epilogue!


	21. Everyone's Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, the dreaded final chapter... I know I could have continued this fic much longer, and it did cross my mind, but I kind of wrote all the stuff I wanted to write, so I guess I decided to end it on a high n_n' At least I hope that's what it ended on. Please let me know what you think. Thank you!

After a long night of heavy drinking, loud singing and wild violence, the party at Capsule Corps was finally over and the guests were leaving to return to hell or home.  
“Thanks so much for coming, guys!” Bulma grinned enthusiastically at Tarble and Gure.  
“Thank you for having us, Bulma.” Tarble smiled.  
“We’ve had a lovely evening.” Gure nodded.  
“Oh – before you guys leave, give me your address.” Bulma said. “It’ll be much easier to keep in touch then!”  
_“Fuck.”_ Vegeta thought to himself, and looked at Bulma. “ _Did you **have** to ask for their address_?” He said quietly.  
“ _Why not_?” Bulma frowned.  
“ _Oh come on, now that we have their address they’re gonna invite us round for dinner, and it’ll be **really** hard to think of an excuse to not go_.” Vegeta replied.  
“ _Well we’ll just say Trunks is sick_.” Bulma shrugged.  
“ _That won’t work, they seem like the kind of people that wouldn’t mind entertaining a sick child_.” Vegeta sighed.

Meanwhile Piccolo was throwing up into a bucket. He gagged painfully and looked up at Gohan, who was squatting over him with a comforting hand on Piccolo’s back.  
“N… Nothing’s even coming out anymore…” Piccolo groaned, and retched. “Why the hell do people drink?”  
“Well… it’s kind of your own fault, Piccolo. Maybe you should have started off with Smirnoff Ice or something.” Gohan said.  
“I didn’t know it had alcohol in it! My dad tricked me!” Piccolo protested.  
“Yeah but still, he is pure evil.” Gohan replied. “I’m just saying, you know… of all the people to trust… You kind of have yourself to blame.” He watched as Piccolo vomited again, and the namek groaned and hung his head.  
“I… I’m gonna need to regenerate my liver…”

Elsewhere Frieza looked at Bulma.  
“Bulma are you sure it’s okay to leave Kuriza here overnight?” He asked.  
“Oh, it’s fine!” Bulma insisted, waving a hand. “I don’t want to disturb him while he’s sleeping. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him.”  
“Well he should be out of your hair pretty early, he likes to keep a close eye on his empire.” Frieza said. “Can you just make sure he brushes his teeth before he leaves though? Otherwise he’ll get stuck into work and he’ll forget to do it.”  
“Sure.” Bulma smiled. “You know, Goten and Marron’s parents are already staying over, it’s a shame you have to go back to hell otherwise you and Cell would be welcome to stay here too.”  
“Aww. Thanks, that’s nice of you. It is a shame we have to go back.” Frieza replied.  
“Yeah… yeah, it is.” Vegeta said flatly. “It really sucks because there is _nothing_ I would love more than to have both you and your son stay overnight at my house – oh, and your mutant bug boyfriend, of course. Hey while we’re on the subject Frieza, I think your ex’s corpse is _still in my bathroom_!”  
“Oh… yeah.” Frieza uttered and called over, “Hey Cell –”  
“Got him.” Cell said, already carrying Zarbon’s body over his shoulder. He grinned. “Haha! Hey Frieza – what are the odds that when we get back to our cave he’s totally trashed the place and written obscene words on the bathroom mirror in lipstick?”  
“Oh yeah, that’s a good point…” Frieza mumbled, and looked over at Vegeta’s mother. “Hey Turnipa! When we get back can you clean my cave?”  
“Why are you asking me?” Turnipa frowned.  
“Well… because you’re a woman, obviously.” Frieza replied, looking at her like she was an idiot.  
“Oh my God, that is so sexist!” Turnipa gasped, and hit King Vegeta. “Vegeta! Tell him!” She ordered.  
“Hm? Oh… Hey Frieza, don’t tell Turnipa to clean your cave.” King Vegeta growled.  
“Thank you!” Turnipa smiled.  
“Yeah she’s already got a ton of ironing to do back at our place.” King Vegeta said, and Turnipa glared at him.

Meanwhile Goku was standing with Bardock and Raditz, looking a little sad.  
“Well… Raditz, it was cool drinking beer with you.” He said, and looked at Bardock. “It was nice to meet you, Dad.”  
“Yeah – don’t get mushy Kid, we all know you hate anybody that’s related to you.” Bardock grunted.  
“Is that why you like me?” Goku grinned.  
“Damn right it is.” Bardock winked, and pulled Goku into a tight hug. As the two of them hugged Raditz could only stand there and watch, glaring at Goku jealously. 

Nappa approached Vegeta and offered him an appreciative grin.  
“Hey. Thanks for a great night.” He said. “Sorry Frieza’s been such a jackass, and I’m sorry your parents turned out to be jerks.”  
“Thanks, Nappa…” Vegeta mumbled.  
“Oh, by the way. I heard it’s some kind of weird etiquette to steal stuff from a house party.” Nappa said, and held up a glass. “So I’m taking this.”  
“… I don’t think you’re supposed to tell the host that you’re taking their stuff.” Vegeta uttered.  
“Oh. … Well that just seems rude.” Nappa frowned, and walked away. Vegeta glared after him and yelled,  
“Give me my goddamn glass back!”

In the corner of the room Zarba was giving Frikiza an encouraging nudge.  
“Go on.” She ordered.  
“What if he doesn’t like me…?” Frikiza asked quietly, blushing.  
“He _does_ like you!” Zarba insisted. “Besides, what have you got to lose? He’s not exactly the best looking guy, Frikiza… If you really want to date a namek, at least go for Junior.”  
“No…” Frikiza replied, and smiled fondly as she gazed over at King Piccolo, who was stood with the mutant nameks on the other side of the room, hyperventilating into a paper bag and having the exact same conversation with his mutants. Frikiza sighed, clasping her hands together dreamily. “King Piccolo’s perfect…”  
“So then. Ask him.” Zarba said. She looked over at King Piccolo and cringed. _“If you say so, Frikiza…”_  
“What if he says no?” Frikiza replied.  
“Tch! Like that’s gonna happen.” Zarba snorted. “Remember, _I’m_ your ex, right? So if you can seduce someone as good-looking as me, getting him will be easier than blowing up a planet full of monkeys.”  
“Zarba… you know I feel terrible about that…” Frikiza growled, her face darkening in embarrassment.  
“Well you won’t feel terrible about this.” Zarba replied and put her arm around Frikiza. She leaned into her, holding her lips close to Frikiza’s ear as she purred, “Go on, _Frikiza-sama_ … work your magic.” Frikiza blushed, and smirked, her tail waving slowly.

Over by King Piccolo and the mutant nameks, King Piccolo was still hyperventilating into a paper bag.  
“Calm down, King Piccolo!” Piano gasped.  
“Yeah – it’s not like she’s gonna say no!” Tambourine added.  
“Y… You think?” King Piccolo asked, looking across the four mutants.  
“Sure, she’s crazy about you!” Cymbal insisted.  
“Uh-huh!” Drum uttered, nodding in agreement.  
“That’s because you’ve been playing it cool.” Tambourine winked.  
“Yeah…” King Piccolo sighed, lowering the bag. “Yeah, I have been… Okay!” He handed the bag to Piano. “You boys are right – I’ve got nothing to worry about.”  
“Yeah!” The nameks exclaimed.  
“That’s right!” Cymbal beamed.  
“She’ll be lucky to have me!” King Piccolo stated boastfully.  
“She certainly will, Sire!” Piano grinned.  
“Okay. I’m gonna go over there and ask her out, and if she says no – which she _won’t_ – it’s her loss!” King Piccolo declared.  
“Right!” The nameks nodded.  
“I have absolutely _nothing_ to worry about – _**Aii**_!” King Piccolo suddenly screamed. “She’s coming over!” He hastily grabbed the bag off Piano and starts hyperventilating again.

Frikiza approached the group and moved her eyes to King Piccolo.  
“Um… Piccolo?” She uttered.  
“Hm? Oh! Heyyyyy, Frikiza!” King Piccolo grinned and threw the bag away. “What’s up? I didn’t think I’d see you here!”  
“ _He’s nailing it_!” Cymbal whispered to the other nameks.  
“ _Yeah, he’s totally playing it cool_!” Tambourine agreed.

Meanwhile Yamcha and Krillin were watching the scene.  
“Seriously…?” Krillin uttered.  
“I know, he’s totally using my best lines! That’s really not cool.” Yamcha frowned. Krillin looked at Yamcha.  
“You’re right, they’re _not_.” He uttered flatly.

Frikiza smiled at King Piccolo.  
“Well… I just came to say goodnight – and to ask you something.” She said.  
“Hm?” King Piccolo grunted, and looked away. “Yeah sure, whatever. I mean, make it quick though because I got another party to go to. Nothing’s gonna slow this rocker down.”  
“ _Yes, King Piccolo_!” Piano whispered excitedly. 

Elsewhere Piccolo and Gohan were watching the scene and cringing.  
“Gohan, I feel really ill…” Piccolo groaned.  
“Yeah, me too…” Gohan sweat dropped. Also watching King Piccolo was Bardock, and he frowned at the scene in disgust.  
“Tch. Would you get a load of that douche?” He grunted. “That isn’t how you get a girl. And believe me, I _know_ how to get a girl.”  
“You’re not kidding.” Turnipa smirked, and Bardock winked at her.  
“… I hate that you’re already dead.” King Vegeta growled. 

Frikiza continued talking to King Piccolo.  
“Don’t worry, it’ll just be quick. I don’t want to interrupt your evening.” She said with a smirk. King Piccolo looked at her questionably as Frikiza gazed up at him, her tail slowly swaying behind her.  
“Piccolo…” She uttered, and blushed slightly. “Do you… Do you wanna go out sometime?”

The mutant nameks all gasped in shock, their eyes widening.  
“Oh… Oh my God!” Piano choked.  
“She asked him!” Tambourine gasped.  
“This is so cute!” Cymbal squealed.  
“I’m gonna be a page boy!” Drum grinned and the mutants all squealed in delight.

King Piccolo hesitated, then looked at the mutant nameks.  
“ _Guys, she asked me first_! _Is that still cool_?” He whispered.  
“ _ **Yes**_!” The nameks answered.  
“ _Say yes, King Piccolo_!” Piano insisted.  
“ _Yeah but don’t overdo it_! _Remember – play it cool_!” Tambourine whispered, and winked.  
“ _Right, got it_.” King Piccolo nodded. He looked at Frikiza. “Uh…” He blushed. “Sure. I mean, whatever. I guess we could go out. You know. Just cas.”

Piccolo groaned as he watched the scene.  
“This is embarrassing…” Frieza gagged.  
“She obviously has no taste – count yourself lucky that you’re a guy Frieza, otherwise you’d be _her_.” Cell said.  
“I know, it sickens me.” Frieza growled.

Frikiza smiled at King Piccolo.  
“Great! Tomorrow night at seven?” She beamed.  
“Uh… y-yeah, that sounds great!” A blushing King Piccolo exclaimed, before he quickly caught himself and cleared his throat. “I mean – yeah. Sounds moderate.” He shrugged.  
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow night then.” Frikiza smiled.  
“Yep. See you tomorrow.” King Piccolo grunted, looking away.  
“Mm.” Frikiza nodded and started to walk away before she suddenly remembered something. “Oh!” She looked at King Piccolo. “Before I forget… Have you ever kissed a girl before?”  
“Uh… no. No, I haven’t.” King Piccolo answered honestly, causing the mutants to gasp in horror.  
“ _Oh no_ …” Cymbal whimpered.  
“ _Aw… he blew it_.” Drum uttered sadly.  
_“ **Fuck**! Why the hell did I tell her that!”_ King Piccolo thought to himself, angry that he could be so careless. _“Now she’ll never go out with me! She’ll just think I’m a loser with no experience! Fuck!”_  
“I thought not.” Frikiza smiled. “Well… Here.” She took hold of King Piccolo’s shirt and pulled him down to her, then locked her lips onto his in a firm kiss.

Everyone in the room suddenly gasped and stared at the pair in shock.  
“What the **fuck**!” Frieza roared, just as Piccolo started throwing up again. Gohan rubbed Piccolo’s back and handed him a glass of water, looking at him sympathetically.  
“The alcohol’s still hurting you, huh…?” He uttered.  
“No…” Piccolo gagged, and drank. “Nope, that one wasn’t the alcohol.”

Meanwhile the mutant nameks were squealing excitedly.  
“Oh my God!” Piano beamed.  
“They’re kissing! They’re _kissing_!” Tambourine wailed and jumped at Cymbal. “They’re in love!” The nameks all started jumping up and down excitedly, holding hands. King Piccolo was standing completely rigid as Frikiza kissed him, his eyes wide, his face bright purple, his antennae standing on end and his heart racing at a thousand beats per minute until she finally pulled away. Frikiza looked up at King Piccolo and licked her lips, her eyes twinkling wickedly.  
“There.” She smiled. “Now you’ll know what to do tomorrow, right?”  
“Y-Yeah…” King Piccolo stammered, trying not to tremble as he stared down at her.  
“See you tomorrow.” Frikiza beamed. Oh –” She turned to Bulma and called, “Bulma, thanks for having us!”  
“You’re welcome!” Bulma grinned, and squealed excitedly.  
“Bye everyone!” Frikiza waved at the room and left. Zarba walked past King Piccolo, briefly stopping to look at him.  
“Don’t be late, Romeo.” She winked, and went after Frikiza.

King Piccolo stood stiff and completely motionless, his eyes still wide, his face still purple, his antennae still standing on end and the sweet taste of Frikiza still on his lips.  
“King Piccolo, are you okay, Sire…?” Piano asked cautiously, looking at his master.  
“Uh-huh…” King Piccolo uttered.  
“What was it like?” Tambourine questioned.  
“Like… killing innocent people…” King Piccolo replied. “… but on your lips!”  
“Wow…” The nameks all uttered in awe.  
“Aw, I’m jealous!” Cymbal sulked.

Frieza let out on angry sigh.  
“Okay, fuck this. If that namek loser is scoring tonight, then I am too!” He growled, and looked over at Goku. “Goku! Get your super saiyan ass over here, **now**!” Frieza barked. Goku glared at Frieza and took a swig of his beer, then crushed the can in annoyance. He let out a sigh and approached the icejin.  
“Frieza, I’m sick of telling you, so I swear to God this will be the _final_ time. I’m **not** interested –” Goku was suddenly cut off by Frieza’s tail crashing forcefully into his face in a bitchslap motion.  
“Shut up, Monkey Scum.” Frieza snarled. He grabbed Goku’s shirt forcefully and pulled the saiyan into an aggressive kiss, wrapping his tail around Goku’s throat and tightening his grip to cut off the saiyan’s air supply. He dug his nails fiercely into Goku’s clothing, cutting through the fabric to pierce Goku’s skin while he furiously kissed the saiyan, and everyone in the room just stared at them in horror. Piccolo let out a weak groan before he lost consciousness and collapsed to the floor.  
“I’m really glad my mom is checking on Goten…” Gohan mumbled. 

After a long, fierce kiss Frieza finally let go of Goku and pulled away, licking his lips in satisfaction. Goku took a step back, gagging as gasping for breath as he stared at Frieza with wide eyes and bruised lips.  
“F-Frieza…” He gasped. “You… You were **choking** me!”  
“Yes Goku, I was.” Frieza nodded.  
“I – I couldn’t breathe!” Goku protested.  
“Mm-hm.” Frieza uttered.  
“And –” Goku felt the area of his skin where Frieza had dug his nails into him. He looked down at his hands to see blood on his fingertips. “You pierced my skin!” Goku cried.  
“I know.” Frieza said. Goku paused, then looked at Frieza.  
“How did you know I’d be into all that?” He asked.  
“Oh my _God_ …” Vegeta groaned, his face twisting in disgust. Frieza simply smirked.  
“Oh come on, Goku. I’m the king of sadists, do you really think I don’t know a masochist when I see one?” He said.  
“… Well, you know I… I mean… if you promise not to kill anyone I could probably wish you back to life…” Goku mumbled sheepishly.  
“Sorry, I can’t do that.” Frieza shrugged. “If you wished me back I would definitely kill people, and I would hurt them. Just like I would hurt you.” He narrowed his eyes at Goku and flashed him a cold, wicked smirk. “Every. Single. Night.”

Goku let out a whimper.  
“Can you at least only kill bad people?” He pleaded.  
“Okay!” Vegeta stepped between Goku and Frieza. “Kakarot, I’m gonna be a _really_ good guy and pretend it’s just the alcohol in you talking, now _**get the fuck away from Frieza**_!” He grabbed hold of Goku and dragged him away while Frieza blew Goku a kiss.  
“Sorry, Pretty. I have to go.” He purred.  
“Wait… Don’t go!” Goku cried, trying to break out of Vegeta’s grasp. Frieza simply smirked, and then left with Cell.  
“He’s totally begging for it Frieza, why don’t you just take him?” Cell frowned as they left the building.  
“Because it’s so much more fun leaving him wanting more.” Frieza answered, and the two of them fly off into the night sky.

Vegeta looked at Goku in disgust.  
“Kakarot, I _cannot_ believe you!” He snarled. “Seriously, of all people – _**Frieza**_! You know what – I could just spit on you!”  
“You could?” Goku asked, looking at him hopefully. “Please do.”  
“ _No_.” Vegeta replied coldly.  
“Please!” Goku begged, falling at Vegeta’s feet. “I’ll call you Prince Vegeta?”  
“No.”  
“Lord Vegeta?”  
“ _ **Fuck off**_!”

A few minutes later Piccolo came round to see that all of the hell guests had gone except for King Piccolo and the mutants.  
“Hey, Junior!” King Piccolo beamed and approached him. “Did you see that? I kissed a girl!”  
“Yeah Dad, well done…” Piccolo sighed.  
“Yeah I totally nailed that chick!” King Piccolo grinned.  
“No you didn’t, you just kissed her.” Piccolo said.  
“Isn’t that the same thing?” King Piccolo blinked. Piccolo sighed again.  
“No…” He answered. King Piccolo frowned in confusion.  
“… Well what –”  
“It’s okay King Piccolo, we’ll do some research on it.” Piano promised.  
“Yeah well hurry up, our date is _tomorrow_!” King Piccolo yelled. He looked at Piccolo. “Good to see you, Kid.” King Piccolo uttered, and left with the mutants.

At that moment Chichi came back from checking on Goten.  
“Oh, is everybody gone?” She asked, looking around the room. Everybody that was left looked at her with wide eyes, unsure of what to say. Chichi blinked in confusion. “What are you guys staring at…?” She questioned, and went over to Goku. “What happened?”  
“Nothing, nothing.” Goku answered. He took a swig of his beer, eyeing up Chichi. “… Hey so tonight can you wear black lipstick?” Goku asked, and Piccolo threw up again.

XXXXX

After the hell guests had gone home and those that were staying over had all gone to bed, Vegeta and Bulma were alone in their bedroom. Vegeta threw himself onto the bed, and let out a long sigh.  
“Thank God that’s over…” He growled. “Oh!” He looked at Bulma angrily. “Hey! What’s the deal with inviting **Yamcha** to stay over? You know he’s never gonna leave!” Vegeta barked.  
“I know but I just felt so sorry for him…” Bulma replied. “Did you notice he didn’t bring Puar with him tonight? And he didn’t talk about him all night either.”  
“Yeah I noticed that…” Vegeta admitted. “I was gonna ask but then I thought… I kind of don’t want to get into that conversation.”  
“I know, right?” Bulma said, nodding in agreement. “But I heard Puar’s been drinking a lot lately.”  
“Well can you blame him? Didn’t you break up with Yamcha for being a jackass?” Vegeta said. “I mean I know I’m a jackass too, but… you know. I’ve killed people. I’ve got the badass thing going for me.”  
“You totally have!” Bulma beamed as she removed her dress.

Vegeta looked at Bulma.  
“Yeah, speaking of which…” He smirked, and used his ki to lift her up and pull her over to the bed.  
“Hey – Vegeta, quit it!” Bulma whined.  
“Oh shut up Bulma, you’re lucky I’m not killing you after tonight!” Vegeta snarled and forcefully pushed her down onto her front, then tore off her underwear.  
“Vegeta! S-Stop…” Bulma giggled, blushing. Vegeta clasped his hands around her wrists and pinned her down, leaning his weight onto her as he breathed against her ear,  
“Say it like you mean it. I _dare_ you.”  
“Vegeta…” Bulma moaned.  
“That’s _Prince_ Vegeta to – … you…” Vegeta paused and started to sniff the air. “What the…?” He let go of Bulma and began sniffing around the bed, his ki steadily rising as his anger grew. “Frieza, Cell, Zarba, Piccolo, Gohan… Hey Bulma!” Vegeta roared, his entire body shaking with rage. “Why does our bed smell like **all** of our guests!” He sniffed again, and his eyes widened. “Oh my God I can smell my parents! _**Gross**_!” Vegeta leapt to his feet and frantically forms a ki ball in his hand, ready to set fire to the sheets when Bulma stopped him.  
“Wait, Vegeta!” She cried. “Did you say it smelt like _Frieza_?”  
“Yeah, Frieza and everybody else! It’s disgusting!” Vegeta snarled.  
“Well where does it smell like Frieza?” Bulma asked.  
“I don’t know, it’s hard to tell! All over!” Vegeta protested.  
“Really? Literally all over?” Bulma questioned.  
“I don’t know, it…” Vegeta sniffed again, and then pointed. “Over here the most, but –”  
“Ooo!” Bulma exclaimed and jumped at the spot where Vegeta was pointing. She started writhing around on the bed, grinning to herself. “Lord _Frieza_!”  
“… Okay, fuck this.” Vegeta growled. 

He went over to the bedroom door, opened it and yelled down the corridor,  
“Hey Yamcha!”  
“Yeah?” Yamcha called back.  
“You wanna trade rooms?” Vegeta yelled.  
“What? You mean – me sleeping with Bulma?” Yamcha questioned.  
“Yep!” Vegeta replied.  
“Don’t you want to sleep with her –”  
“ _ **No**_! No I do not **ever** want to sleep with Bulma!” Vegeta roared.  
“Are you sure, Vegeta?” Yamcha replied cautiously. “Because the last time you said that she had a saiyan kid like nine months later.”  
“Just answer the damn question, do you want to trade rooms or not!” Vegeta barked.  
“Okay sure, let me just get my nightlight.” Yamcha answered.  
_“His what?”_ Vegeta thought to himself. “… Okay fine. By the way the bed smells like Frieza and pretty much everybody else that was here tonight, so have fun with that.”  
“Ew!” Yamcha wailed. “… Your mom as well?”  
“Well…” Vegeta uttered. “Yeah, but I don’t see why that’s –”  
“Aw, _sweet_! That’s totally gonna help me out!” Yamcha exclaimed. Vegeta clenched his fists.  
“Aw, that’s not cool…” He seethed, and he screamed on the inside. 

The End.

XXXXX

**Songs featured:-**  
‘Pokemon Theme Tune’ – Pokemon  
‘Mean Green Mother From Outer Space’ – Little Shop Of Horrors  
‘A Whole New World’ – Aladdin  
‘Be Prepared’ – The Lion King  
‘Wonderful’ – Wicked  
‘Creep’ – Radiohead  
‘Burning Bridges’ – Bon Jovi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everybody liked the ending. I'll be honest, I did enjoy writing this fic... and especially since it led to my fanfic Demonic Love, which focuses on the King Piccolo/Frikiza pairing. I just can't get enough of those two! (And King Piccolo in general ^_-) So, check it out if you loved that ship!  
> And of course, thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, and please leave your feedback. Thank you!


End file.
